Tusk University should build a new recreational facility, both to attract new students and to better serve the needs of our current student body. Tusk projects that enrolment will double over the next 10 years, based on current trends. The new student body is expected to reflect a much higher percentage of commuter students than we currently enroll. The will make the existing facilities inadequate. Moreover, the cost of health and recreational club membership in our community has increased rapidly in recent years. Thus, students will find it much more advantageous to make use of the facilities on campus. Finally, an attractive new recreational center would make prospective students, especially athletically gifted ones, more likely to enrol at Tusk.
The argument that Tusk University's plan to build a new recreational facility would be helpful to the University by both attracting new students and better serving the needs of the current students may seem logical at first glance. The author makes a valid argument, one that would be correct if its premises were true. However her conclusion relies on assumptions for which there are no solid evidence.
First of all, the writer assumes that building a new recreational facility is a perfect solution for attracting new students without giving more information about other primary University's facilities to attract new students such as libraries, Laboratories, Dorms, Computer centers, and so on. Obviously, to choose a University there are many more essential factors than just recreational facilities. Moreover, the author doesn't provide any solid evidence that why the current recreational facilities are not adequate for both new students and current students. For instance, She doesn't refer to some students' request for more or better recreational facility or she doesn't compare other Universities' recreational facility with Tusk University's one to show why this idea is practical and necessary for the students.
Additionally, the author explains that because the cost of heath and recreation clubs membership has increased recently, the students will encourage using the cheaper facilities on campus. However, the writer doesn't compare clearly the cost of facilities on the campus with out of campus facilities to show whether students really save much money by choosing on campus facilities or not. Also, the author doesn't say anything about the primary reasons of high cost membership in out of campus health clubs. Maybe students prefer health clubs because of its high prestige and meeting famous people not for just high quality facilities. Thus, the writer would make more persuading argument with taking about these subjects with more detail.
Last but not least, even if building new recreational facility is helpful to attract new students, the author doesn't consider some essential subjects such as the building costs and place, students' convenience, and alternative ways. For example, if the University is not in a suitable condition for more necessary facilities such as libraries, dorms, laboratories, and so on, paying much money to build this new recreational facility is not reasonable. Also, building this new recreational facility needs a huge size place that would be use for better purpose such as building new library. Moreover, constructing is always noisy and would be cause a lot of inconveniences for students. By considering these primary subjects, the author would persuade students that why this solution is better than other alternatives for them.
In conclusion, the writer would not necessary be wrong to assert that building a new recreational facility is a powerful solution to attract more new students for the University and it also would helps current student to be more healthy and save more money, but she doesn't consider many important subjects and alternative ways to solve the problem. She also doesn't make solid evidences for her assumptions to convince the student that the change is beneficial for both them and the University.
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argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- not OK. Need to argue against the conclusion: 'Finally, an attractive new recreational center would make prospective students, especially athletically gifted ones, more likely to enroll at Tusk.'
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 523 350
No. of Characters: 2716 1500
No. of Different Words: 206 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.782 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.193 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.823 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 200 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 165 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 124 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 65 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 27.526 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.825 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.789 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.365 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.571 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.161 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5