Two years ago, Restora Health Care center in Masonville decided to start a health awareness program for its residents. Since that time, Restora's share of patients in the Masonville area has significantly increased. Moreover, a survey conducted across the nation indicates that many people are inclined towards these kind of awareness programs. Citing these facts, the director of Claris Care Health center in Amway has suggested that Claris should also initiate such health awareness programs of its own to entice more patients from its community.
The director of Claris Care Health center is suggesting to intiate a health awareness programs to entice more patients from its community as Restora Health Center did the same thing two years ago and recieved positive results. The director of Claris Care center has overlooked many different factors and made this decision. I think the decision is based on many weak arguments and is flawed. My views are stated below.
First, the director states that after the Restora Health Care started the awareness program, the share of patients have significantly increased. The director has not provided any data on how much people were contributing before the awareness program or how much was the increase. For instance, for a population of 200, an increase of 70 might be significant but the same 70 can't be considered significant in the case wher population is around 500. Had the director provided this data it would have helped to assay the argument thoroughly.
Second, the director states that a survey was conducted across the nation which indicated many peole are inclined towards awareness programs. Data of how many people were surveyed, what age group were surveyed or what were the quetsions of survey is not provided by the director. It is possible that survey was conducted for older age group and they were interested as most of them are retired, but this is not the same case with youngsters. It is also quite possible that people might have lied for the sake of social status.Also, the survey was conducted across nation and the director has assumed that the reponse is uniform in different places.
Third, the director assumes that Amway and Masonville are exactly similar. It is possibe that the average age of people constituting the popultaion of Masonville is higher than that of Amway. Aslo, the director assumes that the choices of people living in both towns is exactly same.
To end with, the director's decion is based on many weak arguements and he has made a hasty decision. The director haven't provided any statistical data to justify his reasonings. The director's suggestion is wrong and needs to take into account various aspects.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 10 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 362 350
No. of Characters: 1765 1500
No. of Different Words: 179 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.362 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.876 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.515 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 132 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 94 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 69 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 36 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.111 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.55 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.389 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.347 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.585 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.128 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 278, Rule ID: NUMEROUS_DIFFERENT[1]
Message: Use simply 'many'.
Suggestion: many
...or of Claris Care center has overlooked many different factors and made this decision. I think...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 192, Rule ID: MUCH_COUNTABLE[1]
Message: Use 'many' with countable nouns.
Suggestion: many
...rector has not provided any data on how much people were contributing before the awa...
^^^^
Line 3, column 375, Rule ID: CANT[1]
Message: Did you mean 'can't' or 'cannot'?
Suggestion: can't; cannot
...70 might be significant but the same 70 cant be considered significant in the case w...
^^^^
Line 5, column 325, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...s possible that survey was conducted for older age group and they were interested...
^^
Line 5, column 493, Rule ID: HAVE_PART_AGREEMENT[1]
Message: Use past participle here: 'lain'.
Suggestion: lain
...o quite possible that people might have lied for the sake of social status.Also, the...
^^^^
Line 5, column 528, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Also
...have lied for the sake of social status.Also, the survey was conducted across nation...
^^^^
Line 9, column 115, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: haven't
...has made a hasty decision. The director havent provided any statistical data to justif...
^^^^^^
Line 9, column 183, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'directors'' or 'director's'?
Suggestion: directors'; director's
...cal data to justify his reasonings. The directors suggestion is wrong and needs to take i...
^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, if, look, second, so, third, for instance, i think
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 29.0 19.6327345309 148% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 3.0 12.9520958084 23% => OK
Conjunction : 12.0 11.1786427146 107% => OK
Relative clauses : 10.0 13.6137724551 73% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 23.0 28.8173652695 80% => OK
Preposition: 36.0 55.5748502994 65% => OK
Nominalization: 5.0 16.3942115768 30% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1807.0 2260.96107784 80% => OK
No of words: 360.0 441.139720559 82% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.01944444444 5.12650576532 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.35587717469 4.56307096286 95% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.59742126391 2.78398813304 93% => OK
Unique words: 179.0 204.123752495 88% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.497222222222 0.468620217663 106% => OK
syllable_count: 577.8 705.55239521 82% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 13.0 8.76447105788 148% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 1.0 4.22255489022 24% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 18.0 19.7664670659 91% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 22.8473053892 88% => OK
Sentence length SD: 49.4528082814 57.8364921388 86% => OK
Chars per sentence: 100.388888889 119.503703932 84% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.0 23.324526521 86% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.77777777778 5.70786347227 66% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 8.0 5.25449101796 152% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.240856147499 0.218282227539 110% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0681638834607 0.0743258471296 92% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0990386878825 0.0701772020484 141% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.121528466388 0.128457276422 95% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0925921891404 0.0628817314937 147% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.2 14.3799401198 85% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 51.18 48.3550499002 106% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.1 12.197005988 91% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.84 12.5979740519 94% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.4 8.32208582834 101% => OK
difficult_words: 86.0 98.500998004 87% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 12.3882235529 65% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 11.1389221557 90% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.