The following is part of a memorandum from the president of Humana University.
"Last year the number of students who enrolled in online degree programs offered by nearby Omni University increased by 50 percent. During the same year, Omni showed a significant decrease from prior years in expenditures for dormitory and classroom space, most likely because instruction in the online programs takes place via the Internet. In contrast, over the past three years, enrollment at Humana University has failed to grow, and the cost of maintaining buildings has increased along with our budget deficit. To address these problems, Humana University will begin immediately to create and actively promote online degree programs like those at Omni. We predict that instituting these online degree programs will help Humana both increase its total enrollment and solve its budget problems."
This argument is well presented yet far-fetched. It lays a claim that the increasing number of students and the decreasing expenditures for dormitory and classroom in Omni University is because of the new degree program - online program. Nevertheless, the argument is in effect definitely unreasonable due to several flaws after a closer scrutiny, though it may appear plausible at the first glance.
To begin with, the president of Humana University imputes the decreasing number of enrollments to the lack of the online degree program, like the nearby Omni University. Maybe the true cause of the Omni University to implement the program is because it is inconvenient traffic condition. It might locate at the barren area that impedes their students to go to school and forces them to take the online degree program. And the Humana University fails to increase the number of students is due to its diminishing quality of teaching or its outmoded facilities.
Secondly, the author states that the decreasing expenditures for dormitory and classroom in the Omni University is due to the online program which enable the students to take the courses online at home or other places and don't need the dormitory or classroom. Maybe the dormitory and classroom in the Omni University are much fresher than those in the Humana University which cost the school to spend even more money to maintain.
Thirdly, the president of the Humana University insists that in order to attract more and more students to enroll, they should immediately implement a new program just like Omni University. However, the president fails to consider the opinion of the students. By replacing the traditional method with the online program, the students who enjoy hanging around with classmates and the lifestyle in the campus will refuse to take the courses and leave. Finally, the Humana University will not be able to solve its budget problems, even worsen.
In retrospect, it seems precipitous for the author to jump to the conclusion based on a series of problematic premises. To bolster it the president has to provide clear evidence that the online degree program contributed to the increasing number of enrollment in the Omni University and the program will attain the same effects in the Humana University. After all, feckless attempts with a fallible method could be nothing but a foolish errand. Thus, only by grasping the key point of this argument could the author draw a convincible conclusion.
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Sentence: Thus, only by grasping the key point of this argument could the author draw a convincible conclusion.
Error: convincible Suggestion: No alternate word
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 405 350
No. of Characters: 2040 1500
No. of Different Words: 185 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.486 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.037 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.74 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 164 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 114 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 82 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 58 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.824 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.275 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.529 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.353 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.574 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.086 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5