Nature's Way, a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products, is opening its next franchise in the town of Plainsville. The store should prove to be very successful: Nature's Way franchises tend to be most profitable in areas where residents lead healthy lives, and clearly Plainsville is such an area. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. Finally, Plainsville's schoolchildren represent a new generation of potential customers: these schoolchildren are required to participate in a fitness-for-life program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age.
The author claims that a chain store of stores, Nature's Way, selling health food and something related to health should prove to be very prominent for some reasons, like being the most profitable store in the town of Plainsville, leading to the high sales of sport stuffs, contributing to the flourish of local health clubs, and so on. It seems reasonable at the first glance, but I find it specious on several grounds after deliberation.
To begin with, Nature's Way is prone to be the most profitable in areas where residents lead healthy lives wouldn't mean that this store equal to the success. Perhaps the skyrocketing of prices of the stuffs in the store contributes to being the top profitable store. And the reason why residents still buy the stuffs is because the area lack of other competitive stores to suppress the high price.
Second, the author assumes that due to the high sale of running shoes and exercise clothing, the store is the successful example. This assumption is totally unconvincing because maybe the true cause of high sale of running shoes is because of the fluctuant terrain in the town which forces residents to wear running shoes in their daily life in order to be much more comfortable. In addition, perhaps the climate there is very hot or wet that encourage the residents to wear exercise clothing, which is always made up of porous materials, to maintain their body dry.
Finally, the number of local health club elevates to the peak. It doesn't equal to the assertion that Nature's Way is the true cause. Many other factors are inclined to cause this elevation, such as the health clubs might are all at the moment of anniversary ceremony and implement lots of activities to attract people to join.
In sum, the assertion doesn't me that the success of Nature's Way contributes to these booming activities without ruling out these possible reasons. The author should more carefully consider these possible reasons whether Nature's Way should prove to be successful.
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Sentence: In addition, perhaps the climate there is very hot or wet that encourage the residents to wear exercise clothing, which is always made up of porous materials, to maintain their body dry.
Description: The fragment that encourage the is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace encourage with verb, past tense
flaws:
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.297 4.7
Sentence Length SD: 12.497 7.5
Attribute Value Ideal
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Category: Good Excellent
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No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
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No. of Words: 341 350
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Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.297 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.78 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.512 2.4
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Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
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Sentence Length SD: 12.497 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.615 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.352 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.643 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.073 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5