An ailing patient should have easy access to his or her doctor’s record of treating similarly afflicted patients. Through gaining such access, the ailing patient may better determine whether the doctor is competent to treat that medical condition.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.
The author of the sentence above argues that an ailing patient should have the access to a database containing all the data which concernes the previous patients of a particular doctor and the disease treated. As far as I am concerned, I tend to strongly agree with his opinion for at least two main reasons.
First of all, the adoption of this system will allow the patients to find the best doctor in the shortest time. As a matter of fact many of the affected have the need to be seen from a sanitary as soon as possible to contain the spread of their injury. For this reason they usually do not have enough time to take the best decision and they go just to the nearest or to the most available one. The implementation of a database system will totally solve this problem and it will help the patients to save precious time.
On the other hand, it could be argued that this kind of database would be difficult to control because some information involved may not be true. That is the reason why this system should not be adopted just in some particular places, but worldwide. Furthermore, the control of the world sanity should be taken into account from the World Health Organization that has to become a primarly organ. It is only by implementing a worldwide-standardized plan like that we will be able to deal with sanitary problems. For instance, someone with a particular medical condition should have the opportunity not only to search for the best doctor in his city, but also to the best one of his country or of his continent whether needed. Everyone must have at least the right to make the right choices for what concerns his health.
In conclusion, agreeing with the writer of the claim, I strongly believe that, since our health is the most serious issue we have to deal with throught our life, we have the responsability to improve our global system as far as it is possible. For this reason, even if the implementing of the database system involved could be seen just as a small step, it will have a wide importance in the process of the improvement of our sanitary organ.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 113, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “As” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...d the best doctor in the shortest time. As a matter of fact many of the affected h...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, furthermore, if, may, so, as to, at least, for instance, in conclusion, kind of, as a matter of fact, first of all, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 12.0 19.5258426966 61% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 12.4196629213 121% => OK
Conjunction : 7.0 14.8657303371 47% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 7.0 11.3162921348 62% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 35.0 33.0505617978 106% => OK
Preposition: 53.0 58.6224719101 90% => OK
Nominalization: 9.0 12.9106741573 70% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1727.0 2235.4752809 77% => OK
No of words: 376.0 442.535393258 85% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.59308510638 5.05705443957 91% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.40348946061 4.55969084622 97% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.66419678111 2.79657885939 95% => OK
Unique words: 185.0 215.323595506 86% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.492021276596 0.4932671777 100% => OK
syllable_count: 542.7 704.065955056 77% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.59117977528 88% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 6.24550561798 112% => OK
Article: 4.0 4.99550561798 80% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 3.10617977528 129% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.77640449438 113% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.38483146067 68% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 14.0 20.2370786517 69% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 26.0 23.0359550562 113% => OK
Sentence length SD: 46.4207136208 60.3974514979 77% => OK
Chars per sentence: 123.357142857 118.986275619 104% => OK
Words per sentence: 26.8571428571 23.4991977007 114% => OK
Discourse Markers: 10.7857142857 5.21951772744 207% => Less transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.97078651685 80% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 7.80617977528 13% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 10.2758426966 68% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 5.13820224719 78% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.83258426966 62% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.16084492595 0.243740707755 66% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.057812680985 0.0831039109588 70% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0779349724936 0.0758088955206 103% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.112050916551 0.150359130593 75% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0789866764504 0.0667264976115 118% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.6 14.1392134831 96% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 62.01 48.8420337079 127% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.92365168539 111% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.1 12.1743820225 91% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 9.64 12.1639044944 79% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.87 8.38706741573 94% => OK
difficult_words: 70.0 100.480337079 70% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 13.0 11.8971910112 109% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.4 11.2143820225 111% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.7820224719 110% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5/6 paragraphs with 3/4 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: reason 4. address both of the views presented for reason 4 (optional)
para 6: conclusion.
Rates: 54.17 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.25 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.