The most ideal path for a society to set up its youngsters for positions of authority in government, industry or different fields is by imparting in them a feeling of collaboration, not rivalry.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
A crucial quality that youngsters lack is experience. In any field, once a student finishes his/her education, he/she is unaware of how things work in the real world. In such situations, if individuals with similar aspirations and career goals collaborate, they can benefit from each other's experiences. With the advent of technology, the ease of communication not just within a specific country, but globally has become easy. Thus, students can use social media platforms like LinkedIn, which were essentially created to bring people together professionally, to expand their network and connect with individuals who are in a similar predicament and solve problems mutually. The government should hence, encourage such collaborations.
Mutual rivalry has cursed almost all fields. We commonly see that workplace politics hampers the progress of any organization. If the youngsters are trained and acclimatized to collaboration right since the very beginning, once they settle into their respective professions, they would encourage such a cohesive atmosphere in their workplaces and amongst co-workers, which would surely benefit any organization. We have seen stalwarts like Mark Zuckerberg, the founder of Facebook, face major problems with long-time colleagues and friends leaving the organization due to mutual conflicts. Therefore, it is of utmost importance to instil the values of mutual cooperation and co-existence right at the beginning among youngsters, to make sure they do not find themselves in such a predicament in future.
Another aspect which cannot be overlooked with the topic at hand is mentorship. Every fresh graduate who is struggling to find his place in the world is often on the lookout for a trustworthy mentor; An experienced individual from his field who has essentially been through all the hardships that the student is currently facing. If such role models can step forward and adopt these newcomers as their proteges, they could ensure that these individuals would avoid making mistakes that they themselves made and run organizations much more efficiently. If governments could help youngsters find such people who have established themselves, these freshers would receive much-needed support that they seek at the start of their careers.
Keeping all these facts in mind, I feel instilling collaboration among youngsters is of utmost importance and rivalry, especially during the early stages of the career, must be discouraged. However, it cannot be the only ideal way to create a better future for the youth.
Comments
Essay evaluations by e-grader
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 793, Rule ID: IN_PAST[1]
Message: Did you mean: 'in the future'?
Suggestion: in the future
...t find themselves in such a predicament in future. Another aspect which cannot be over...
^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, hence, however, if, look, so, still, therefore, thus, i feel
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 15.0 19.5258426966 77% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 12.4196629213 105% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 14.8657303371 74% => OK
Relative clauses : 13.0 11.3162921348 115% => OK
Pronoun: 36.0 33.0505617978 109% => OK
Preposition: 48.0 58.6224719101 82% => OK
Nominalization: 15.0 12.9106741573 116% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2165.0 2235.4752809 97% => OK
No of words: 391.0 442.535393258 88% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.53708439898 5.05705443957 109% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.44676510885 4.55969084622 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.07607466316 2.79657885939 110% => OK
Unique words: 238.0 215.323595506 111% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.608695652174 0.4932671777 123% => OK
syllable_count: 656.1 704.065955056 93% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59117977528 107% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 10.0 6.24550561798 160% => OK
Article: 5.0 4.99550561798 100% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 3.10617977528 129% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.77640449438 56% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.38483146067 114% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 20.2370786517 84% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 23.0 23.0359550562 100% => OK
Sentence length SD: 74.8110884959 60.3974514979 124% => OK
Chars per sentence: 127.352941176 118.986275619 107% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.0 23.4991977007 98% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.82352941176 5.21951772744 73% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.97078651685 80% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 7.80617977528 13% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 10.2758426966 127% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 5.13820224719 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.83258426966 21% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0921755928338 0.243740707755 38% => The similarity between the topic and the content is low.
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0299572040751 0.0831039109588 36% => Sentence topic similarity is low.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0257228213462 0.0758088955206 34% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0603901201749 0.150359130593 40% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0221116535854 0.0667264976115 33% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.2 14.1392134831 115% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 39.67 48.8420337079 81% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.92365168539 111% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.4 12.1743820225 110% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 15.15 12.1639044944 125% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.66 8.38706741573 115% => OK
difficult_words: 121.0 100.480337079 120% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 12.0 11.8971910112 101% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 11.2143820225 100% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.7820224719 102% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Better to have 5/6 paragraphs with 3/4 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: reason 4. address both of the views presented for reason 4 (optional)
para 6: conclusion.
It is not exactly right on the topic in the view of e-grader. Maybe there is a wrong essay topic.
Rates: 16.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 1.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 793, Rule ID: IN_PAST[1]
Message: Did you mean: 'in the future'?
Suggestion: in the future
...t find themselves in such a predicament in future. Another aspect which cannot be over...
^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, hence, however, if, look, so, still, therefore, thus, i feel
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 15.0 19.5258426966 77% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 12.4196629213 105% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 14.8657303371 74% => OK
Relative clauses : 13.0 11.3162921348 115% => OK
Pronoun: 36.0 33.0505617978 109% => OK
Preposition: 48.0 58.6224719101 82% => OK
Nominalization: 15.0 12.9106741573 116% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2165.0 2235.4752809 97% => OK
No of words: 391.0 442.535393258 88% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.53708439898 5.05705443957 109% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.44676510885 4.55969084622 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.07607466316 2.79657885939 110% => OK
Unique words: 238.0 215.323595506 111% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.608695652174 0.4932671777 123% => OK
syllable_count: 656.1 704.065955056 93% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59117977528 107% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 10.0 6.24550561798 160% => OK
Article: 5.0 4.99550561798 100% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 3.10617977528 129% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.77640449438 56% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.38483146067 114% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 20.2370786517 84% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 23.0 23.0359550562 100% => OK
Sentence length SD: 74.8110884959 60.3974514979 124% => OK
Chars per sentence: 127.352941176 118.986275619 107% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.0 23.4991977007 98% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.82352941176 5.21951772744 73% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.97078651685 80% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 7.80617977528 13% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 10.2758426966 127% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 5.13820224719 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.83258426966 21% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0921755928338 0.243740707755 38% => The similarity between the topic and the content is low.
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0299572040751 0.0831039109588 36% => Sentence topic similarity is low.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0257228213462 0.0758088955206 34% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0603901201749 0.150359130593 40% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0221116535854 0.0667264976115 33% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.2 14.1392134831 115% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 39.67 48.8420337079 81% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.92365168539 111% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.4 12.1743820225 110% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 15.15 12.1639044944 125% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.66 8.38706741573 115% => OK
difficult_words: 121.0 100.480337079 120% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 12.0 11.8971910112 101% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 11.2143820225 100% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.7820224719 102% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Better to have 5/6 paragraphs with 3/4 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: reason 4. address both of the views presented for reason 4 (optional)
para 6: conclusion.
It is not exactly right on the topic in the view of e-grader. Maybe there is a wrong essay topic.
Rates: 16.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 1.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.