The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that they have more leisure time.
In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
Thanks to technological advancement, our society is developing at an incredible speed these days, and we are living a life that those who live decades ago can hardly imagine. We are utilizing the benefits that technology has provided, but seldom ask what should be the primary goal for such a fast-paced development. Many hold the view that technological applications are born to increase people’s efficiency which renders more leisure time. However, as far as I am considered, this opinion is somehow myopic.
To begin with, one essential aspect of technological development is to make our lives better secured and our privacy better protected. For example, almost all mobile phones today are equipped with fingerprint or facial recognition features. These features have nothing to do with efficiency and are developed and needed mainly for the sake of privacy protection. Also, more and more cameras are installed inside a house or on the street, which renders the house owners or the police to know what’s happening, and when a crime occurs, the evidence can be extremely powerful and helpful.
Secondly, technological advancements also take place to make human beings more powerful. Past decades have seen the prosperity of computer science and big data processing. With the significance of big data being noticed and exploited, there is a desperate demand for computers with higher performance to process millions of datasets and perform complex calculations. As a result, cloud servers, high-performance multi-core CPUs and new computer programming languages are all created. These inventions greatly improve the efficiency of human beings but is not made to prolong our leisure time, rather, they are made to empower us and renders it possible for us to spend more time on more important issues.
I have to admit that there are many cases where the ultimate goal for the development is to improve efficiency and provide more leisure time for us. One typical example is the development of transportation. Nowadays, trains and planes have become the major ways when people talk about traveling, but this is not the case centuries ago when steam machines were mainly used. Thanks to the past development in transportation, we are enabled to travel from Asia to North America, in less than one day, under which scenario we are given more time for leisure, for travel, and for experiencing the life.
To sum up, the goal of technological development should not be limited to improve our efficiency and provide more leisure time, since they do have more profound and beneficial tasks: to empower us human beings, to protect our privacy, and ultimately, to make the world a better place to live in.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 318, Rule ID: MANY_NN[1]
Message: Possible agreement error. The noun hold seems to be countable; consider using: 'Many holds'.
Suggestion: Many holds
...goal for such a fast-paced development. Many hold the view that technological application...
^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, however, if, second, secondly, so, for example, as a result, to begin with, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 24.0 19.5258426966 123% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 4.0 12.4196629213 32% => OK
Conjunction : 24.0 14.8657303371 161% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 11.3162921348 106% => OK
Pronoun: 29.0 33.0505617978 88% => OK
Preposition: 49.0 58.6224719101 84% => OK
Nominalization: 16.0 12.9106741573 124% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2290.0 2235.4752809 102% => OK
No of words: 439.0 442.535393258 99% => OK
Chars per words: 5.21640091116 5.05705443957 103% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.57737117129 4.55969084622 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.9427015172 2.79657885939 105% => OK
Unique words: 239.0 215.323595506 111% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.544419134396 0.4932671777 110% => OK
syllable_count: 752.4 704.065955056 107% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59117977528 107% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 8.0 6.24550561798 128% => OK
Article: 2.0 4.99550561798 40% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 3.10617977528 97% => OK
Conjunction: 6.0 1.77640449438 338% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 9.0 4.38483146067 205% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 18.0 20.2370786517 89% => OK
Sentence length: 24.0 23.0359550562 104% => OK
Sentence length SD: 61.8544937338 60.3974514979 102% => OK
Chars per sentence: 127.222222222 118.986275619 107% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.3888888889 23.4991977007 104% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.33333333333 5.21951772744 102% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 4.97078651685 101% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 7.80617977528 13% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 12.0 10.2758426966 117% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 5.13820224719 19% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.83258426966 103% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.264102439815 0.243740707755 108% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0808702270351 0.0831039109588 97% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0746361763133 0.0758088955206 98% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.158603005338 0.150359130593 105% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0545583350282 0.0667264976115 82% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.4 14.1392134831 109% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 38.66 48.8420337079 79% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 7.92365168539 141% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.8 12.1743820225 113% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.29 12.1639044944 109% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.04 8.38706741573 108% => OK
difficult_words: 117.0 100.480337079 116% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 12.5 11.8971910112 105% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 11.2143820225 103% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.7820224719 102% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 79.17 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.75 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.