Some people believe that increasing violence in the media is the cause of increasing violence in our society, especially among children. Others believe that children's peer groups and parental role models are a much more powerful influence on children's behavious
A person's future or his/her behaviour is dependant on the circumstances he/she has gone during his/her childhood. The prompt suggest that due to increasing violence in the media crime rates in the society have increased. I agree with the author due to following reasons.
Children are susceptible to anything that goes around them. They are highly affected by the things that they see around. Their mind is like a clean slate, in which anything can be written based on the surrounding situtaion. Now a days, due to technology evolution, children are not only limited to the family environment or the environment in school. But they are also aware of what is going on in the outside world. Surely, they are exposed to a vast range of knowledge regarding various aspects of the universe but at the same time they are getting the insights of dark side of the world. The violence shown on the tv may affect their thought process wildly. They might get introduced to different methods of orchestrating a violence which they would be unaware of in normal circumstances. Hence, it is highly possible that the increasing rate of violence can be majorly attributed to violence shown in the media.
Furthermore, few argue that the surrounding of the children i.e. their parents and peers, is an influential factor in a child's development, which is 100% correct. However, all responsible parents & teachers are very careful to provide a safe environment for their children which will give them a sense of right & wrong. Sure, there will be few exceptions to this but in majority of the cases children being exposed to violence due to their parents or peers have very small chances. Maybe this is the reason that violence rate in past was much more less since children were surrounded by only their family or peers.
Additionally,in my opinion this is not that simple matter which can be attributed to single reason or factor. There might be multiple reasons involved which can explain the increased violence in the society and has to be analyzed further. However, primafece it can be said that exposure of increased violence in media plays majority role in the increased violence.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 42, Rule ID: DEPENDENT[1]
Message: Did you mean 'dependent' on?
Suggestion: dependent
... persons future or his/her behaviour is dependant on the circumstances he/she has gone du...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 225, Rule ID: NOW_A_DAYS[1]
Message: Did you mean 'nowadays'?
Suggestion: Nowadays
...ten based on the surrounding situtaion. Now a days, due to technology evolution, children ...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 229, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[1]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'a day' or simply 'days'?
Suggestion: a day; days
...based on the surrounding situtaion. Now a days, due to technology evolution, children ...
^^^^^^
Line 5, column 544, Rule ID: MOST_COMPARATIVE[2]
Message: Use only 'less' (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
Suggestion: less
...son that violence rate in past was much more less since children were surrounded by only ...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 8, column 13, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , in
...their family or peers. Additionally,in my opinion this is not that simple matt...
^^^
Line 8, column 319, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'plays'' or 'play's'?
Suggestion: plays'; play's
...exposure of increased violence in media plays majority role in the increased violence...
^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, furthermore, hence, however, if, may, regarding, so, as to, in my opinion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 26.0 19.5258426966 133% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 12.4196629213 89% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 14.8657303371 67% => OK
Relative clauses : 14.0 11.3162921348 124% => OK
Pronoun: 37.0 33.0505617978 112% => OK
Preposition: 56.0 58.6224719101 96% => OK
Nominalization: 15.0 12.9106741573 116% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1816.0 2235.4752809 81% => OK
No of words: 365.0 442.535393258 82% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.97534246575 5.05705443957 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.37092360658 4.55969084622 96% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.73321587263 2.79657885939 98% => OK
Unique words: 191.0 215.323595506 89% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.523287671233 0.4932671777 106% => OK
syllable_count: 561.6 704.065955056 80% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59117977528 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 6.24550561798 112% => OK
Article: 3.0 4.99550561798 60% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 3.10617977528 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 1.0 1.77640449438 56% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.38483146067 46% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 20.2370786517 94% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 23.0359550562 82% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 36.7702306424 60.3974514979 61% => OK
Chars per sentence: 95.5789473684 118.986275619 80% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.2105263158 23.4991977007 82% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.42105263158 5.21951772744 85% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.97078651685 80% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 7.80617977528 77% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 10.2758426966 58% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 10.0 5.13820224719 195% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.83258426966 62% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.228408679048 0.243740707755 94% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0727146130707 0.0831039109588 87% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0674153683668 0.0758088955206 89% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.133910710761 0.150359130593 89% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0385886104363 0.0667264976115 58% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.6 14.1392134831 82% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 60.65 48.8420337079 124% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.92365168539 39% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.5 12.1743820225 78% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.6 12.1639044944 95% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.87 8.38706741573 94% => OK
difficult_words: 76.0 100.480337079 76% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 7.0 11.8971910112 59% => Linsear_write_formula is low.
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.2143820225 86% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.7820224719 102% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5/6 paragraphs with 3/4 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: reason 4. address both of the views presented for reason 4 (optional)
para 6: conclusion.
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.