Q13 Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion
Recently, the question of what factors can contribute to individuals' success has become the subject of heated debate. Some people assert that devotion to work is more related to people's success than money and appearance, while others argue otherwise. Personally, I wholeheartedly agree with the former stance. In the following essay, both views will be discussed before a conclusion is reached with my opinion.
On the one hand, those who claim that fortunes and appearance are directly linked to having an improved standard of living do so for several reasons. Proponents of this argument insist that people from wealthy families are able to gain opportunities not only to receive better education but also to operate their own businesses. Moreover, some of them are capable of investing a vast sum of money in the stock market, which could enable them to earn an astronomical amount of money. In addition, a number of celebrities benefit a great deal from their appearance in modern society, To be more specific, influencers, such as fashion models and movie stars, obtain wealth as well as fame thanks to their appearance with the development of mass media.
My opinion, however, is that dedication to work makes it possible for employees to have a high quality of life. Perhaps the most compelling reason is that working people spending huge amounts of time and energy on their occupations are more likely to become promoted to higher positions at their workplaces. To exemplify, although Kim Hun from South Korea who was born and raised in a poor area suffered from poverty in his childhood, he became a vice president in Samsung with the help of his work commitment. Furthermore, those who are passionate about their jobs are capable of having a tight grasp of skills and knowledge related to their duties that will be invaluable in their future careers. In light of the above, I find these more persuasive.
In conclusion, it is undeniable that there are a variety of opinions about this topic. However, after considering this matter in a careful manner, I fully support the view that work commitments can result in individuals leading a better life for the reasons discussed above.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 179, Rule ID: TO_NON_BASE[1]
Message: The verb after "to" should be in the base form: 'people'.
Suggestion: people
...hat devotion to work is more related to peoples success than money and appearance, whil...
^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 563, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...nefit a great deal from their appearance in modern society, To be more specific, ...
^^
Line 8, column 127, Rule ID: IN_A_X_MANNER[1]
Message: Consider replacing "in a careful manner" with adverb for "careful"; eg, "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
... However, after considering this matter in a careful manner, I fully support the view that work com...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, furthermore, however, if, moreover, so, well, while, in addition, in conclusion, such as, as well as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 16.0 13.1623246493 122% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 5.0 7.85571142285 64% => OK
Conjunction : 7.0 10.4138276553 67% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 7.30460921844 164% => OK
Pronoun: 34.0 24.0651302605 141% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 63.0 41.998997996 150% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 8.3376753507 144% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1837.0 1615.20841683 114% => OK
No of words: 364.0 315.596192385 115% => OK
Chars per words: 5.0467032967 5.12529762239 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.36792674256 4.20363070211 104% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.76505632294 2.80592935109 99% => OK
Unique words: 223.0 176.041082164 127% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.612637362637 0.561755894193 109% => OK
syllable_count: 586.8 506.74238477 116% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.60771543086 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 8.0 5.43587174349 147% => OK
Article: 2.0 2.52805611222 79% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.10420841683 143% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 0.809619238477 0% => OK
Preposition: 8.0 4.76152304609 168% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 15.0 16.0721442886 93% => OK
Sentence length: 24.0 20.2975951904 118% => OK
Sentence length SD: 57.1079290078 49.4020404114 116% => OK
Chars per sentence: 122.466666667 106.682146367 115% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.2666666667 20.7667163134 117% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.4 7.06120827912 105% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.38176352705 91% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.01903807615 60% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.67935871743 127% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 3.9879759519 25% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 3.4128256513 88% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.231423336834 0.244688304435 95% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0687171838519 0.084324248473 81% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0607412577325 0.0667982634062 91% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.136988145874 0.151304729494 91% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0643019913531 0.056905535591 113% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.5 13.0946893788 111% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 47.12 50.2224549098 94% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.44779559118 118% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.7 11.3001002004 112% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.31 12.4159519038 99% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.47 8.58950901804 110% => OK
difficult_words: 107.0 78.4519038076 136% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 9.78957915832 82% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 10.1190380762 115% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 10.7795591182 121% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 89.8876404494 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 8.0 Out of 9
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.