Q13 Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion
Recently, the question of what factors can contribute to success in life has become the subject of heated debate. Some people assert that devotion to work enables individuals to lead a better life, while others argue otherwise. Personally, I wholeheartedly agree with the former stance. In the following essay, both views will be discussed before a conclusion is reached with my opinion.
On the one hand, those who claim that wealth and appearance allow people to live a high quality of life do so for several reasons. Proponents of this argument insist that individual people from wealthy families often have an improved standard of living considering that not only can they establish their own businesses with greater ease, but they are also able to invest a vast sum of money in the stock market. In addition, a myriad of celebrities benefit a great deal from their appearance in modern society. To be more specific, a large number of influencers, such as fashion models and movie stars, obtain an astronomical amount of money as well as fame thanks to their appearance with the development of mass media.
My opinion, however, is that work commitments are more directly related to success in life than fortunes and appearance. Perhaps the most compelling reason is that employees who devote huge amounts of time and energy to their occupations are easily able to get a chance to become promoted to high positions at their workplaces with greater ease. As an illustration, although Kim Hun who was born and raised in a poor area suffered from poverty in his childhood, he became a vice president in Samsung owing to his dedication to work. Furthermore, those who are passionate about their jobs are capable of having a tight grasp of plenty of skills and knowledge linked to their duties which will be invaluable in their future careers. Therefore, these workers are more likely to become experts in their fields and receive higher salaries and more perks. In light of the above, I find these more persuasive.
In conclusion, it is undeniable that there are a variety of opinions about this topic. However, after considering this matter in a careful manner, I fully support the view that individuals' success is determined by work commitments for the reasons discussed above.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 533, Rule ID: LARGE_NUMBER_OF[1]
Message: Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use 'many' or 'numerous'
Suggestion: many; numerous
...in modern society. To be more specific, a large number of influencers, such as fashion models and...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 904, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...he above, I find these more persuasive. In conclusion, it is undeniable that the...
^^^^^
Line 7, column 127, Rule ID: IN_A_X_MANNER[1]
Message: Consider replacing "in a careful manner" with adverb for "careful"; eg, "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
... However, after considering this matter in a careful manner, I fully support the view that individu...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 178, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'individuals'' or 'individual's'?
Suggestion: individuals'; individual's
...l manner, I fully support the view that individuals success is determined by work commitmen...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, furthermore, however, if, so, therefore, well, while, in addition, in conclusion, such as, as well as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 16.0 13.1623246493 122% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 4.0 7.85571142285 51% => OK
Conjunction : 9.0 10.4138276553 86% => OK
Relative clauses : 13.0 7.30460921844 178% => OK
Pronoun: 35.0 24.0651302605 145% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 65.0 41.998997996 155% => OK
Nominalization: 11.0 8.3376753507 132% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1907.0 1615.20841683 118% => OK
No of words: 381.0 315.596192385 121% => OK
Chars per words: 5.00524934383 5.12529762239 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.41805628031 4.20363070211 105% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.74447071558 2.80592935109 98% => OK
Unique words: 230.0 176.041082164 131% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.603674540682 0.561755894193 107% => OK
syllable_count: 612.9 506.74238477 121% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.60771543086 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 5.43587174349 166% => OK
Article: 3.0 2.52805611222 119% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.10420841683 190% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 0.809619238477 124% => OK
Preposition: 7.0 4.76152304609 147% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 16.0721442886 100% => OK
Sentence length: 23.0 20.2975951904 113% => OK
Sentence length SD: 61.8683077189 49.4020404114 125% => OK
Chars per sentence: 119.1875 106.682146367 112% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.8125 20.7667163134 115% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.0 7.06120827912 99% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.38176352705 91% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.01903807615 80% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 12.0 8.67935871743 138% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 3.9879759519 25% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 3.4128256513 88% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.219638760153 0.244688304435 90% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.069114573095 0.084324248473 82% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0525085992119 0.0667982634062 79% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.135249082962 0.151304729494 89% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0499520896456 0.056905535591 88% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.1 13.0946893788 108% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 48.13 50.2224549098 96% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.44779559118 118% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.3 11.3001002004 109% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.07 12.4159519038 97% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.13 8.58950901804 106% => OK
difficult_words: 105.0 78.4519038076 134% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 9.78957915832 82% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 10.1190380762 111% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 10.7795591182 111% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 89.8876404494 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 8.0 Out of 9
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.