Some people feel that there is too much emphasis on getting an education, and that governments should spend money on leisure time activities for young people too. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The importance of education has recognised by everyone around the globe where the growth in students achieving in their tertiary education have been increasing yearly. Policymakers have been actively supporting and encouraging students using government funding in education sponsorship but lack of focus on providing leisure time activities for youngsters. I firmly believe that government funding in leisure time activities can benefits our younger generation.
First and foremost, leisure time activities such as sports can help individuals achieve their an active and balanced lifestyles. Recent emphasism on education has increase the stress levels of students and resulting in psychological problems with youngsters today. Government can take this advantage to promote healthy sports to younger generation such as badminton or swimming. In addition, this can be a great platform to interest and engage youngsters to improve other skills that they possess. Study done by University of Singapore on 20 countries showed that 75% of youngsters in high school commented that swimming event organized by Ministry of Education last year trigger their interest in sporting events.
Secondly, exposing youngsters to other activities also can drive the change in behaviour and their social skills. Obtaining ideal behaviour and social skills are important to shape the current society towards a healthy and safe environment. It can assist in reducing teens from getting involved in unhealthy and illegal activities which is the optimal aim of policymakers. Besides that, youngsters can also volunteer in events where they can contribute and return to the society. Recent "Help and Laugh" event organized by Ministry of Education in old folk homes gives youngsters' understanding in caring and learning from the older generation.
In conclusion, policymakers can be a powerful catalyst to trigger changes in our current society. There is no doubt that education can contributes the recognition and status of the countries but having time for other activities can also bring advantages to everyone.
the growth in students achieving in their tertiary education have been increasing
the growth ... has been increasing
Sentence: I firmly believe that government funding in leisure time activities can benefits our younger generation.
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to can and benefits
Sentence: First and foremost, leisure time activities such as sports can help individuals achieve their an active and balanced lifestyles.
Description: A determiner, possessive is not usually followed by an article
Suggestion: Refer to their and an
Sentence: Recent emphasism on education has increase the stress levels of students and resulting in psychological problems with youngsters today.
Description: A verb 'to have', present tense, 3rd person singular is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to has and increase
Sentence: Government can take this advantage to promote healthy sports to younger generation such as badminton or swimming.
Description: A noun, singular, common is not usually followed by an adjective
Suggestion: Refer to generation and such
swimming event organized by Ministry of Education last year trigger their interest in sporting events.
the swimming event organized by Ministry of Education last year triggered their interest in sporting events.
Obtaining ideal behaviour and social skills are important to shape the current society
Obtaining ideal behaviour and social skills is important to shape the current society
Sentence: There is no doubt that education can contributes the recognition and status of the countries but having time for other activities can also bring advantages to everyone.
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by a verb, present tense, 3rd person singular
Suggestion: Refer to can and contributes
Sentence: Recent emphasism on education has increase the stress levels of students and resulting in psychological problems with youngsters today.
Error: emphasism Suggestion: emphasis
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 8 2
Sentence Length SD: 5.073 7.5 //"Sentence Length SD is low" means that the essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentences varieties wanted.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.5 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 8 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 315 350
No. of Characters: 1750 1500
No. of Different Words: 173 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.213 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.556 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.896 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 146 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 119 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 92 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 64 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.073 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.533 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.355 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.551 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.08 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5