Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Most businesspeople are motivated only by the desire for more money.
From thousands of years ago, people started trading in several ways, such as barter. In the barter market, people exchanged their goods with each other. After the money’s invention, they created a new way for their business and some people used this opportunity as a major. Since then, some people started to invest money in many aspects as their major. In this topic, there are some debates as to which aspect motivates businesspeople more than others. many individuals convinced that the desire for money is the biggest motivation for businesspeople. I, personally, find myself against this notion. In the following paragraphs, two reasons will be discussed to corroborate my idea.
The first reason is that many people want to be famous. So crucial the fame is that businesspeople endanger their investment and also, their profit. many of them are wealthy enough that really do not need more money; they want to draw others’ attention that helps them to be the topic of magazines, newspapers, etc. Consider a businessman who wants to start a new business with more than 1 million dollars. he has enough money to the point that his children and also, his descendants can have a decent and luxurious life. It stands to reason that money will not encourage him for investment, but he wants to be in the news every day and people talk about him. If he starts this new business, the newspapers and the internet will cover more news about him.
The second reason is that many businesspeople really want to have experience in different areas. When they started their job, maybe they were not rich people; but they work more and more that become a habit for them. they are a kind of addicts who want to try everything and enjoy them. For instance, Elon Musk, the owner of tesla Motors and spacex is one of the most famous billionaires in the world. he worked in tesla to bring electrical vehicle for people and evidently, he earns huge money; but he did not stop working. he established spacex to follow his dreams of going to space. about several years ago, he sent his tesla car to space and started working on newer projects.
As I said, I think there are some other motivations for businesspeople that worth more than money for them. In the later paragraphs, I mentioned two reasons and tried to support them.
Grammar and spelling errors:
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Suggestion: Many
...ivates businesspeople more than others. many individuals convinced that the desire f...
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...heir investment and also, their profit. many of them are wealthy enough that really ...
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...iness with more than 1 million dollars. he has enough money to the point that his ...
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... and more that become a habit for them. they are a kind of addicts who want to try e...
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... most famous billionaires in the world. he worked in tesla to bring electrical veh...
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...uge money; but he did not stop working. he established spacex to follow his dreams...
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...to follow his dreams of going to space. about several years ago, he sent his tesla ca...
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Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, if, may, really, second, so, then, as to, for instance, i think, kind of, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 14.0 15.1003584229 93% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 5.0 9.8082437276 51% => OK
Conjunction : 15.0 13.8261648746 108% => OK
Relative clauses : 14.0 11.0286738351 127% => OK
Pronoun: 53.0 43.0788530466 123% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 44.0 52.1666666667 84% => OK
Nominalization: 7.0 8.0752688172 87% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1921.0 1977.66487455 97% => OK
No of words: 401.0 407.700716846 98% => OK
Chars per words: 4.79052369077 4.8611393121 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.47492842339 4.48103885553 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.58762519128 2.67179642975 97% => OK
Unique words: 208.0 212.727598566 98% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.518703241895 0.524837075471 99% => OK
syllable_count: 588.6 618.680645161 95% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.51630824373 99% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 13.0 9.59856630824 135% => OK
Article: 4.0 3.08781362007 130% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 3.51792114695 142% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.86738351254 161% => OK
Preposition: 8.0 4.94265232975 162% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 24.0 20.6003584229 117% => OK
Sentence length: 16.0 20.1344086022 79% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 27.0173555331 48.9658058833 55% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 80.0416666667 100.406767564 80% => OK
Words per sentence: 16.7083333333 20.6045352989 81% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.125 5.45110844103 76% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 7.0 5.5376344086 126% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 11.8709677419 93% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 3.85842293907 52% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 11.0 4.88709677419 225% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.215295936386 0.236089414692 91% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0618964433771 0.076458572812 81% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0657648020616 0.0737576698707 89% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.147959222945 0.150856017488 98% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0345299033548 0.0645574589148 53% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 9.5 11.7677419355 81% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 63.7 58.1214874552 110% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 8.4 10.1575268817 83% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.21 10.9000537634 94% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.66 8.01818996416 96% => OK
difficult_words: 82.0 86.8835125448 94% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 6.0 10.002688172 60% => Linsear_write_formula is low.
gunning_fog: 8.4 10.0537634409 84% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 10.247311828 78% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 70.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 21.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.