“Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Most businesspeople are motivated only by the desire
for more money.”
In the contemporary world, businessmen play a prominent role in our society. Their decisions affect the economic status of a country and might even affect that of other countries as well. Some people possess the conviction that money is the only thing that incentivizes businessmen since they have gotten used to being wealthy(?) and do whatever it takes to achieve this goal while others argue that there are also other motivations/impetuses/ stimuli for some of them because after all, they are humans and not all of businessmen’s sole purpose is to obviate their own personal needs. I personally contend that that there are currently businessmen in the world that do their job out of other reasons in addition to money. In what follows, I will state two conspicuous reasons (that aptly elucidate my perspective.)
The first considerable reason is that there are documentaries that are created about some of the most notable businessmen. In those documentaries, directors thoroughly observed their personal lives as well as their work/professional lives. Based on what they have recorded, some of the businessmen are concerned about themselves not only with selfishly making profit for themselves but for other altruistic purposes such as overall well-being of a society or protecting natural resources. As a matter of fact, there are members of some of the most active naturalists and humanitarian communities among businessmen. Therefore, it is unfair to consider all of businessmen as egoistic money-making machines that have no emotion and consideration for other people’s lives. A specific example can help you illustrate your idea more effectively!
Another equally momentous reason is that since the contemporary world has become a sophisticated and competitive one, it is nearly impossible that a businessman will be prosperous on his own without the collaboration of other members of society. For instance, the biggest companies in the world such as Google or Facebook have numerous employees that act together to hold the company successful. Take one of the company’s managers for instance. If this particular manager, who is also counted/regarded as a businessman, only thinks of making money for himself, although this attitude might sometimes get in line with improving progress of the company, it is not beneficial for most of the time. To illustrate this, consider a situation where a product’s sale rate has fallen and it is due to the quality of different parts of it. And assume that each part of the product is associated with different parts of the company. If the managers of those parts only think of allocating all the company’s money to improving their own part of the product, the company won’t improve the product’s overall quality eventually. Instead, if each manager considers the welfare of the whole company, they will make efforts to spend the available budget as less/frugally as possible in order to improve the parts altogether. And this leads to higher sales since all parts of the product have improved at the same time.
To wrap it up, contrary beliefs might be tossed around whether businessmen are motivated only by money or not. By contemplating all the aforementioned reasons, it is straightforward to conclude that businessmen may have other reasons to do their jobs since not only are there altruistic purposes for that, but also they ironically might be more successful if they concentrate on the well-being of their workplace. As a matter of fact, there are some other reasons and examples that can be invoked to support my perspective, but let’s suffice to this.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 149, Rule ID: AFFECT_EFFECT[1]
Message: Did you mean 'effect'?
Suggestion: effect
...omic status of a country and might even affect that of other countries as well. Some people...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 329, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: And
...they have gotten used to being wealthy? and do whatever it takes to achieve this go...
^^^
Line 1, column 399, Rule ID: ALSO_OTHER[1]
Message: Use simply 'there are other' or 'there are also'
Suggestion: there are other; there are also
...hieve this goal while others argue that there are also other motivations/impetuses/ stimuli for some...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 606, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a word
Suggestion: that
...wn personal needs. I personally contend that that there are currently businessmen in the ...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 275, Rule ID: SOME_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'some'.
Suggestion: some
...ives. Based on what they have recorded, some of the businessmen are concerned about themsel...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, if, may, so, therefore, well, while, after all, for instance, in addition, such as, as a matter of fact, as well as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 28.0 15.1003584229 185% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 9.8082437276 102% => OK
Conjunction : 16.0 13.8261648746 116% => OK
Relative clauses : 20.0 11.0286738351 181% => OK
Pronoun: 60.0 43.0788530466 139% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 75.0 52.1666666667 144% => OK
Nominalization: 8.0 8.0752688172 99% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3055.0 1977.66487455 154% => OK
No of words: 583.0 407.700716846 143% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.24013722127 4.8611393121 108% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.91379618374 4.48103885553 110% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.13790251881 2.67179642975 117% => OK
Unique words: 283.0 212.727598566 133% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.485420240137 0.524837075471 92% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 979.2 618.680645161 158% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.51630824373 112% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 9.59856630824 94% => OK
Article: 4.0 3.08781362007 130% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 3.51792114695 171% => OK
Conjunction: 5.0 1.86738351254 268% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 6.0 4.94265232975 121% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 20.6003584229 112% => OK
Sentence length: 25.0 20.1344086022 124% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 71.6554716421 48.9658058833 146% => OK
Chars per sentence: 132.826086957 100.406767564 132% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.347826087 20.6045352989 123% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.78260869565 5.45110844103 106% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.5376344086 90% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 17.0 11.8709677419 143% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 3.85842293907 78% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.88709677419 61% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.159251822426 0.236089414692 67% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0463976567601 0.076458572812 61% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0432138508623 0.0737576698707 59% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.104830861904 0.150856017488 69% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0192261870134 0.0645574589148 30% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.9 11.7677419355 135% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 37.64 58.1214874552 65% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 6.10430107527 183% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 14.2 10.1575268817 140% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.41 10.9000537634 123% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.94 8.01818996416 111% => OK
difficult_words: 150.0 86.8835125448 173% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 10.002688172 115% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 10.0537634409 119% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 10.247311828 117% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 71.6666666667 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 21.5 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.