If you could make one important change in a school that you attended, what change would you make? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.
If I have an opportunity to make an important change in a school that I attended, I would definitely increase the time that students spend on physical activities. When embracing the advantage of technology in learning, we should be aware of the negative impacts of it on student’s physical activity behavior. I it is really important that schools fit some regular exercise into student’s daily routines for the following reasons.
First of all, spending some time on physical activities will affect the students learning ability. Students who are physically active tend to have better grades, cognitive performances and concentration in the class. For example, last week I read in the newspaper that scientists conduct a research to study the impact of exercise on students learning process. They considered two different schools. In the first one, It was mandatory to spend 30 minutes on exercise every morning. But in the second one they just think of students education. At the end of the semester, they took the same exam from both schools and the results was phenomenal. In the first school students were a lot better even though the second school had better students. Researches claimed that because of the compulsory physical activity in the first school, students were happier and rejuvenated in the classes and they could concentrate on the subjects better. But in the second one pupils were always tired and sleepy. As you can see adding physical activity to the student’s schedule, students could increase their performance in the class.
Second, by this change not only will they help the learning ability of the students, but also they will help them have a healthier and happier life. It has been proven that people who start to work out from their childhood and adolescence will live longer and have a healthier and happier life. Researchers said that people who spend enough time on exercise in their life time will become ill and visit doctors a lot less than others. For example, my grandfather do exercise from the age of 15. Now he is 71 years old and he is like a young man. He always says that exercise makes him feel refreshed and rejuvenated.
In sum, with tremendous changes that technology brings to our lives, it is indispensable to overlook its negative impacts. I think governments should made all schools to add some physical activities to the student’s schedule if they want to have a happier and healthier people which could work efficient. Otherwise in future we have people with lots of illnesses.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 288, Rule ID: A_UNCOUNTABLE[1]
Message: Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply 'research'.
Suggestion: research
...n the newspaper that scientists conduct a research to study the impact of exercise on stud...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 352, Rule ID: AFFORD_VB[1]
Message: This verb is used with the infinitive: 'to process'
Suggestion: to process
...impact of exercise on students learning process. They considered two different schools....
^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 954, Rule ID: ONE_PLURAL[1]
Message: Don't use the numeral 'one' with plural words. Did you mean 'one pupil', 'a pupil', or simply 'pupils'?
Suggestion: one pupil; a pupil; pupils
... the subjects better. But in the second one pupils were always tired and sleepy. As you ca...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 367, Rule ID: LIFE_TIME[1]
Message: Did you mean 'lifetime'?
Suggestion: lifetime
... spend enough time on exercise in their life time will become ill and visit doctors a lot...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 311, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Otherwise,
...hier people which could work efficient. Otherwise in future we have people with lots of i...
^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, if, look, really, second, so, for example, i think, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 12.0 15.1003584229 79% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 12.0 9.8082437276 122% => OK
Conjunction : 16.0 13.8261648746 116% => OK
Relative clauses : 14.0 11.0286738351 127% => OK
Pronoun: 42.0 43.0788530466 97% => OK
Preposition: 53.0 52.1666666667 102% => OK
Nominalization: 4.0 8.0752688172 50% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2133.0 1977.66487455 108% => OK
No of words: 424.0 407.700716846 104% => OK
Chars per words: 5.03066037736 4.8611393121 103% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.53775939005 4.48103885553 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.81796001993 2.67179642975 105% => OK
Unique words: 218.0 212.727598566 102% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.514150943396 0.524837075471 98% => OK
syllable_count: 658.8 618.680645161 106% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.51630824373 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 11.0 9.59856630824 115% => OK
Article: 0.0 3.08781362007 0% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 3.51792114695 85% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.86738351254 161% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.94265232975 121% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 20.6003584229 112% => OK
Sentence length: 18.0 20.1344086022 89% => OK
Sentence length SD: 43.8561404891 48.9658058833 90% => OK
Chars per sentence: 92.7391304348 100.406767564 92% => OK
Words per sentence: 18.4347826087 20.6045352989 89% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.5652173913 5.45110844103 65% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.5376344086 90% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 12.0 11.8709677419 101% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 3.85842293907 130% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.88709677419 123% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.116845048275 0.236089414692 49% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0332609894561 0.076458572812 44% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0447005557455 0.0737576698707 61% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0734500579976 0.150856017488 49% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0368318497557 0.0645574589148 57% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.5 11.7677419355 98% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 53.21 58.1214874552 92% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 10.1575268817 101% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.89 10.9000537634 109% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.81 8.01818996416 97% => OK
difficult_words: 88.0 86.8835125448 101% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 12.5 10.002688172 125% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.2 10.0537634409 92% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 10.247311828 117% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 76.6666666667 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 23.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.