Independent writing TPO 51
In modern era, which the world has surrounded by technology, answering the question of whether the movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects or not, has raised a lot of debates among academicians. Some people might hold the view that the advantages of televisions and movies are far beyond their disadvantages due to the fact that young people can learn a lot about different subjects. However, others might maintain that its negative impacts are innumerable. I personally contend that in the most cases, television and movies might have negative consequences on someones life. Among countless reasons and examples that can vindicate my point of view, I will pinpoint the two most ambiguous ones through the following paragraphs.
The first thing that juts out of my mind easily is the fact that young people are more inclined to watch movies that have brutal scenes. A recent survey conducted at the School of Psychology of Tehran University, shows that more than 60 percent of Iranian adults, tend to watch movies in the genre of action and horror which contain brutal scenes. Besides, the research purpose was to observe adults response to different genre of movies and determine whether they have long-lasting effect on their behavior or not. Finally, after five years of observation, it showed that not only the daily routine behavior of half of them that were watching movies with brutal scene changed negatively, but also the movies had other mental disabilities such as reduction in their concentrations.
Another equally important reason is that watching movies can be a waste of time. Considering the fact that young people should focus on their mental and physical improvements, their time should be occupied by activities such as going to gym, studying, spending time in different team work activities. It is worthwhile to explain the matter with a personal example; back in high school, I was really into watching movies and I used to watch three episodes of a movie every day. At that time I was not studying well and also I did not know the value of my health. After two years when my body became so weak, doctors told me that you should go to gym to practice and maintain your body strength. After that, I had to pracice every day to bring back my health and also my mind became so fresh; Therefore, my movie watching reduced a lot and it was substituted by practicing. Hence, I found that watching television is not beneficial for my progress and my health.
To make a long story short, based on the aforementioned arguments, these are the two reasons which can be persuasive to show that movies and televisions influence the way young people behave. Two reasons mentioned above such as watching brutal scenes of the movies affect mind negatively. Also, we can use the time of watching movies to a more beneficial and advantageous affair. All in all, movies and televisions are not having positive effect on someone's life; Therefore, we would better to reduce the time we spend watching as much as possible.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 72, Rule ID: WHETHER[3]
Message: Wordiness: Shorten this phrase to the shortest possible suggestion.
Suggestion: whether; the question whether
...has surrounded by technology, answering the question of whether the movies and television have more neg...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 593, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[2]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'someones'' or 'someone's'?
Suggestion: someones'; someone's
...ies might have negative consequences on someones life. Among countless reasons and examp...
^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 449, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[2]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'someones'' or 'someone's'?
Suggestion: someones'; someone's
...sions are not having positive effect on someones life; Therefore, we would better to red...
^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, besides, but, finally, first, hence, however, if, really, so, therefore, well, while, as to, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 17.0 15.1003584229 113% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 9.8082437276 133% => OK
Conjunction : 19.0 13.8261648746 137% => OK
Relative clauses : 22.0 11.0286738351 199% => OK
Pronoun: 53.0 43.0788530466 123% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 64.0 52.1666666667 123% => OK
Nominalization: 4.0 8.0752688172 50% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2544.0 1977.66487455 129% => OK
No of words: 515.0 407.700716846 126% => OK
Chars per words: 4.93980582524 4.8611393121 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.763781212 4.48103885553 106% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.69341037 2.67179642975 101% => OK
Unique words: 260.0 212.727598566 122% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.504854368932 0.524837075471 96% => OK
syllable_count: 793.8 618.680645161 128% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.51630824373 99% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 12.0 9.59856630824 125% => OK
Article: 3.0 3.08781362007 97% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 3.51792114695 85% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.86738351254 54% => OK
Preposition: 8.0 4.94265232975 162% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 20.6003584229 97% => OK
Sentence length: 25.0 20.1344086022 124% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 54.5192397232 48.9658058833 111% => OK
Chars per sentence: 127.2 100.406767564 127% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.75 20.6045352989 125% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.3 5.45110844103 97% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.5376344086 54% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 11.8709677419 51% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 13.0 3.85842293907 337% => Less negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.88709677419 20% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0 0.236089414692 0% => The similarity between the topic and the content is low.
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0 0.076458572812 0% => Sentence topic similarity is low.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0 0.0737576698707 0% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0 0.150856017488 0% => Maybe some paragraphs are off the topic.
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0 0.0645574589148 0% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.7 11.7677419355 125% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 54.56 58.1214874552 94% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 10.1575268817 117% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.67 10.9000537634 107% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.37 8.01818996416 104% => OK
difficult_words: 114.0 86.8835125448 131% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 12.0 10.002688172 120% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 10.0537634409 119% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 10.247311828 117% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
It is not exactly right on the topic in the view of e-grader. Maybe there is a wrong essay topic.
Rates: 3.33333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 1.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.