At some schools, some lessons for young students (ages 5-8) include video games as a way to increase students’ interest in learning. Some people believe this is a very effective way for young students to learn, while others believe it is too distracting

It is obvious that the education of young children plays a crucial role in their life because of the fact that it directly affects their training in the next steps when they will become grown up. Therefore, it is essential that schools pay careful attention to educating these children at this age. They adopt various approaches to improve their education such as using video games. However, I strongly believe that this method does not work effectively; but it will have negative effects including being distracting or time wasting. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss my view using some reasons and examples.
To begin with, I believe that using video games for increasing students' interest in learning will cause their attention towards to the lessons to be distracted. Because children only use these games for pleasure and fun, they will not give enough attention to their studies. As a result, it will not have positive influences on their education. Instead, they can employ other useful ways to achieve this goal. They can use appealing devices to attract their attention and to teach them the lessons efficiently. For instance, when I was a child studying at primary school, our teacher applied different maps and instructional videos to teach us geography. Thus, I would never forget the name of the countries and their capital and also other issues. If they used game videos, they would not allow us to concentrate on their studies.
Moreover, I believe that it is better for children to spend their time learning beneficial materials in schools rather than watching video games. As a matter of fact, these methods only will waste their time, whereas, they can use their talents and abilities effectively during school time. In other words, children can watch these videos at their home, and it is better for them to watch other instructional videos which will help them to learn lessons better. For instance, my brother studied in an elementary school different from me. He and his classmates spent a large amount of their time watching video games; hence, their studying efficiency would be reduced and they could not get good grades. Consequently, the schools decided to change its method and they started to use educational videos instead of game videos to enhance children' education.
To sum up, according to the points and examples mentioned above, using video games will distract children's attention from the lessons and also it will waste their time. It is much beneficial to use other techniques to increase their interest in learning.

Average: 7.6 (1 vote)
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 87, Rule ID: BECAUSE_OF_THE_FACT_THAT[1]
Message: This phrase is redundant. Use simply 'because'.
Suggestion: because
...dren plays a crucial role in their life because of the fact that it directly affects their training in t...
Line 6, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
...increase their interest in learning.

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, consequently, hence, however, if, moreover, so, therefore, thus, whereas, for instance, such as, as a matter of fact, as a result, in other words, to begin with, to sum up

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 9.0 15.1003584229 60% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 18.0 9.8082437276 184% => OK
Conjunction : 15.0 13.8261648746 108% => OK
Relative clauses : 9.0 11.0286738351 82% => OK
Pronoun: 67.0 43.0788530466 156% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 47.0 52.1666666667 90% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 8.0752688172 149% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2154.0 1977.66487455 109% => OK
No of words: 423.0 407.700716846 104% => OK
Chars per words: 5.09219858156 4.8611393121 105% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.53508145475 4.48103885553 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.55888079895 2.67179642975 96% => OK
Unique words: 215.0 212.727598566 101% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.508274231678 0.524837075471 97% => OK
syllable_count: 647.1 618.680645161 105% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.51630824373 99% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 20.0 9.59856630824 208% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 1.0 3.08781362007 32% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 3.51792114695 142% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.86738351254 107% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.94265232975 101% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 20.6003584229 102% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 20.1344086022 99% => OK
Sentence length SD: 39.1182288411 48.9658058833 80% => OK
Chars per sentence: 102.571428571 100.406767564 102% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.1428571429 20.6045352989 98% => OK
Discourse Markers: 8.66666666667 5.45110844103 159% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.5376344086 36% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 11.8709677419 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 3.85842293907 104% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.88709677419 82% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.190588264942 0.236089414692 81% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0650420618301 0.076458572812 85% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0575363214017 0.0737576698707 78% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.121930389534 0.150856017488 81% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0209035310505 0.0645574589148 32% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.6 11.7677419355 107% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 59.64 58.1214874552 103% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.9 10.1575268817 97% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.24 10.9000537634 112% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.03 8.01818996416 100% => OK
difficult_words: 91.0 86.8835125448 105% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 10.002688172 110% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 10.0537634409 99% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 10.247311828 98% => OK
What are above readability scores?

Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:

para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.

So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:

reasons == advantages or

reasons == disadvantages

for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.

or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.

Rates: 76.6666666667 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 23.0 Out of 30
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.