TPO 35 independent
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
In the modern era, being an actor or a sportsman is considered an ideal job for young people. The jobs offer great salaries as well as entertainment and fame which is the distinctive characteristic of such jobs. But, the issue which may concern many entertainers and athletes is the fact that their lives are always under the spotlight and does not include as much privacy as other jobs have. In this regard, some people are inclined toward the fact that famous entertainers and athletes deserve more privacy while others believe that everyone who chooses a job, whether a worker or an actor, should accept the situations and pros and cons of his job. From my vantage point, it is their right to have more privacy than they do now. In what follows, I will elaborate on my views through two conspicuous reasons.
The first aspect to point out is that due to the fame and popularity that these people have, they always encounter issues and are deprived of having the privacy which other people have. For instance, if an athlete or an entertainer shows unacceptable behavior or do abnormal activities in private, their activities would become viral very soon because of the reporters and paparazzi’s' intrusions. However, it is worth to mention that although they are role models for a large population people and should pay significant attention to their behavior, they are human like us and may make mistakes in social or private lives. But, since they are famous, their mistakes and activities, though private, are judged, discussed and highlighted. For instance, once a famous athlete who was the national football team’s captain in my country had an argument with one of the other athletes. The argument was as ordinary as the arguments we all have with our friends. But, since he was under everyone's attention, his behavior was intensively criticized and even he lost much of his popularity.
Furthermore, it is difficult for them to go out to fulfill a certain task or buy something. In other words, a famous person would probably find it difficult to go to a supermarket to buy his needed stuff, because he would be bombarded with a large number of fans who expect him to give them his signature or take photos with them. Such an activity would become extremely exhausting and boring after they face the same situation over and over and could become time-consuming. Moreover, even if they are not encountered with fans, tolerating the staring look of people is really tough for them.
To recapitulate, all aforementioned reasons lead us to the fact that it is the right of famous entertainers and athletes to have privacy just like other people. Although their jobs involve high salaries, they always face with intrusions which irritate them and make their private lives difficult. It is widely recommended that people leave their great interest when seeing their favorite famous character. I would be very respectful of people if they stop judging and following every single activity these famous people have so that they would experience the same amount of privacy as we have.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 6, column 241, Rule ID: LARGE_NUMBER_OF[1]
Message: Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use 'many' or 'numerous'
Suggestion: many; numerous
...uff, because he would be bombarded with a large number of fans who expect him to give them his si...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, furthermore, however, if, look, may, moreover, really, so, well, while, for instance, as well as, in other words
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 25.0 15.1003584229 166% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 12.0 9.8082437276 122% => OK
Conjunction : 27.0 13.8261648746 195% => OK
Relative clauses : 17.0 11.0286738351 154% => OK
Pronoun: 61.0 43.0788530466 142% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 53.0 52.1666666667 102% => OK
Nominalization: 11.0 8.0752688172 136% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2586.0 1977.66487455 131% => OK
No of words: 520.0 407.700716846 128% => OK
Chars per words: 4.97307692308 4.8611393121 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.77530192783 4.48103885553 107% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.72815421921 2.67179642975 102% => OK
Unique words: 261.0 212.727598566 123% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.501923076923 0.524837075471 96% => OK
syllable_count: 819.0 618.680645161 132% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.51630824373 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 12.0 9.59856630824 125% => OK
Article: 5.0 3.08781362007 162% => OK
Subordination: 7.0 3.51792114695 199% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.86738351254 0% => OK
Preposition: 8.0 4.94265232975 162% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 20.6003584229 102% => OK
Sentence length: 24.0 20.1344086022 119% => OK
Sentence length SD: 54.0452065751 48.9658058833 110% => OK
Chars per sentence: 123.142857143 100.406767564 123% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.7619047619 20.6045352989 120% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.90476190476 5.45110844103 108% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.5376344086 18% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 11.8709677419 84% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 9.0 3.85842293907 233% => Less negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.88709677419 41% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.220230759973 0.236089414692 93% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0702762237311 0.076458572812 92% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0662271810066 0.0737576698707 90% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.143399544683 0.150856017488 95% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0555065329749 0.0645574589148 86% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.4 11.7677419355 122% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 47.12 58.1214874552 81% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.7 10.1575268817 125% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.84 10.9000537634 109% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.2 8.01818996416 102% => OK
difficult_words: 111.0 86.8835125448 128% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 10.002688172 140% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 10.0537634409 115% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 10.247311828 117% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 73.3333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 22.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.