Tpo 9 (independent)
When it comes to advertisement and its effect on young children, the attitude differs from one people to another. Many people firmly hold the view that, they are sometimes beneficial for the children to watch, while others strongly believe that they should be banned from showing in the programs that most of their viewers are children. In my perspective, advertisement shall not be allowed during programs specifically for children under the age of six. I would like to reinforce my opinion by two important reasons.
First, children in that age are not mature enough to distinguish what sort of things is good for them to buy. They would easily believe all the statements in the advertisement, colorful materials etc. Obviously, most of the time manufactures make some exaggerations in their advertisements in order to take advantage from this inability of children. I saw many children in street that force their parents to buy a worthless toy for them, sometimes they cry in front of that shop, because they have seen it was advertising somewhere recently; eventually, when they see it in the shop, they remind that lovely advertisement and consequently want to have it.
Second, many parents have to pay so much for many fancy toys during their children's childhood, therefore it takes the opportunity from them to save that money for their future. Undoubtedly, purchasing some toys that eventually will be destroyed by children, is just money consuming. It is more wisely to save that money for when they get older, at the time they want to go to universities most of people are in need of that money. Consequently, buying some efficient toys that increase children's creativity during childhood would be enough and fare.
For what I have discussed above, we could draw the conclusion that, government should set some policies in order not to accept to show any kind of advertisement during children's program. Therefore, they could help the families financially and enhance the relationship between a child and his/her parents.
I saw many children in street that force their parents to buy a worthless toy
I saw many children in street who force their parents to buy a worthless toy
therefore it takes the opportunity from them to save that money for their future.
Description: 'them','their' refers to what? Be sensitive to use pronouns.
It is more wisely to save that money for when they get older
It is more wisely to save that money for the time when they get older
Be sensitive to use pronouns, like 'they', 'them'.
More sentences varieties wanted. Try to use less pronouns or not to use pronouns (like 'I, They, We...') as the subject of a sentence.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 21 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 13 15
No. of Words: 335 350
No. of Characters: 1663 1500
No. of Different Words: 178 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.278 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.964 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.828 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 107 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 81 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 65 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 48 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.769 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.247 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.538 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.356 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.588 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.15 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Unfortunately, I can not post any more essays!
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