Essay topics: TPO-46 - Integrated Writing Task
In the United States, medical information about patients traditionally has been recorded and stored on paper forms. However, there are efforts to persuade doctors to adopt electronic medical record systems in which information about patients is stored in electronic databases rather than on paper. It is argued that storing patients' medical records in electronic databases has several advantages over traditional paper-based record keeping.
Reducing Costs
First, the use of electronic records can help reduce costs by saving money on storing and transferring medical records. While paper records require a significant amount of storage space, electronic medical records take up virtually no space. Moreover, by having patients' records computerized in databases, doctors can easily access the records from almost anywhere and can easily duplicate and transfer them when necessary. This costs much less than copying, faxing, or transporting paper records from one location to another.
Preventing Errors
Second, electronic medical records are crucial to reducing the chances of medical errors. Illegible handwriting, improper transcription of data, and nonstandard organization of paper records have caused errors that in some cases have had serious consequences for the patients* health. In contrast, electronic records are associated with standardization of forms and legible computer fonts and thus minimize the possibility of human error.
Aiding Research
Third, electronic medical records can greatly aid medical research by making it possible to gather large amounts of data from patient records. It is often impractical, impossible, or prohibitively expensive to manually go through thousands of patients’ paper records housed in doctors' offices. However, with the existence of electronic medical records, it would be simple to draw out the needed information from the medical databases because the databases are already formatted for data collection. Once in the electronic system, the records could be accessed from any research location.
The text and the lecturer main topic are about the transformation of paper based medical record into the electronic based medical records. The passage claims that the change will benefit the doctor and the patient because of reducing cost, preventing errors and aiding research. However, the professor refutes the ideas with three reasons.
First, the article claims that electronic record does not need storage and transfer process. Moreover, the record need less significant amount of paper and easily access anywhere. The process of duplication of the data becomes cheaper because there are less copying and faxing. Conversely, the lecturer avers that the cost reduce by the lack of storage and easy duplication is not significant because the doctor still use the paper for emergency back-up and legibility aspect like signed and handwritten. The doctor still needs to store a large amount of paper hence the price tag for keeping and transferring the medical record still costly.
Second, regardless, the passage claims that electronic record prevents error; the professor thinks the idea is not correct. The doctor still writes the examination results with paper and pen. The data will submit to the electronic server by the assistant hence the error of reading the incorrigible handwritten still prevalence. Because the professor still writing the medical record thus the standardized form not profitable.
Lastly, the text concludes that the electronic record aides the research process by eliminating the impracticality of manually obtain data from the medical record. The professor refutes this idea by stated that the process of making a patient’s medical record a subject of a research is heavily regulated by law. It needs a long and complicated process to gain permission of the patient. Additionally, in the end, the patient may choose to censure his or her data from the researcher hence it is still hard to do a research.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 330, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “Because” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...orrigible handwritten still prevalence. Because the professor still writing the medical...
^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 279, Rule ID: A_UNCOUNTABLE[1]
Message: Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply 'research'.
Suggestion: research
...ient's medical record a subject of a research is heavily regulated by law. It needs a...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 519, Rule ID: A_UNCOUNTABLE[1]
Message: Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply 'research'.
Suggestion: research
...researcher hence it is still hard to do a research.
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 531, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ence it is still hard to do a research.
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
conversely, first, hence, however, if, lastly, may, moreover, second, so, still, thus
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 6.0 10.4613686534 57% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 5.0 5.04856512141 99% => OK
Conjunction : 13.0 7.30242825607 178% => OK
Relative clauses : 6.0 12.0772626932 50% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 11.0 22.412803532 49% => OK
Preposition: 31.0 30.3222958057 102% => OK
Nominalization: 5.0 5.01324503311 100% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1645.0 1373.03311258 120% => OK
No of words: 309.0 270.72406181 114% => OK
Chars per words: 5.32362459547 5.08290768461 105% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.1926597562 4.04702891845 104% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.75661295204 2.5805825403 107% => OK
Unique words: 151.0 145.348785872 104% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.488673139159 0.540411800872 90% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 508.5 419.366225166 121% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.55342163355 103% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 1.0 3.25607064018 31% => OK
Article: 15.0 8.23620309051 182% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 1.25165562914 80% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.51434878587 0% => OK
Preposition: 1.0 2.5761589404 39% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 13.0662251656 122% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 21.2450331126 89% => OK
Sentence length SD: 41.2242343774 49.2860985944 84% => OK
Chars per sentence: 102.8125 110.228320801 93% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.3125 21.698381199 89% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.3125 7.06452816374 75% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.09492273731 98% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 4.19205298013 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 3.0 4.33554083885 69% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 4.45695364238 135% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.27373068433 164% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.515051671759 0.272083759551 189% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.17095204286 0.0996497079465 172% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.104842312311 0.0662205650399 158% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.330803295781 0.162205337803 204% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0383718358273 0.0443174109184 87% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.3 13.3589403974 100% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 52.19 53.8541721854 97% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 5.55761589404 158% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 11.0289183223 97% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.58 12.2367328918 111% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.92 8.42419426049 106% => OK
difficult_words: 85.0 63.6247240618 134% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 7.0 10.7273730684 65% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 10.498013245 91% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.2008830022 80% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 73.3333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 22.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.