TPO 27 question 1
The author claims that the little Ice Age can be caused by one of three points and he explains all of them in the passsage. The professor, however, argues that all the three points are not storng enough to cause the Little Ice Age.
According to the passage, the Little Ice Age can be the result of either the disturbance of Gulf Stream because of the melthing of glaciers before the occurance of this age, or can be caused by a large, heavy dust cloud of erupted volcanoes, that prevent sunligh to warm the earth, or finally, because of stop cutting of froest trees which decrease the release of carboon dioxide that warm the earth.
The professor presents a different point of view. First, about Gulf Steam, he explains that the Little Ice Age occured only in North Europ but not in other areas like Newsland or Africa. Thus, if Gulf Steam is the cause, it should cool other areas not only Europ. Next, volcanic eruption was not strong enough to cause the Little Ice Age because if the cloud dust, that resulted from volcano eruption, big enough, it would cause some " visual effects." Actually there were nothing noticed at that time like gray or brown snow. Therefore, we can not count on this, as well. Finally, stop cutting of forest tree did not last for a long time to prevent release of greenhouse gases like carbon dioxide which worm the earth because the population got back to increase in a short period of time. Accordingly, all the three points are not an evidence of causing the Little Ice Age.
Sentence: The author claims that the little Ice Age can be caused by one of three points and he explains all of them in the passsage.
Error: passsage Suggestion: passage
Sentence: The professor, however, argues that all the three points are not storng enough to cause the Little Ice Age.
Error: storng Suggestion: strong
Sentence: According to the passage, the Little Ice Age can be the result of either the disturbance of Gulf Stream because of the melthing of glaciers before the occurance of this age, or can be caused by a large, heavy dust cloud of erupted volcanoes, that prevent sunligh to warm the earth, or finally, because of stop cutting of froest trees which decrease the release of carboon dioxide that warm the earth.
Error: carboon Suggestion: carbon
Error: occurance Suggestion: No alternate word
Error: sunligh Suggestion: sunlight
Error: melthing Suggestion: melting
Error: froest Suggestion: forest
Sentence: First, about Gulf Steam, he explains that the Little Ice Age occured only in North Europ but not in other areas like Newsland or Africa.
Error: occured Suggestion: No alternate word
flaws:
1.No. of Spelling Errors: 7 2
2.Not in a correct format.
The correct pattern:
para 1: introduction
para 2: doubt 1
para 3: doubt 2
para 4: doubt 3
Read sample essays from ETS:
http://www.testbig.com/users/toeflwritingmaster
or samples:
http://www.testbig.com/integrated-toefl-writing-essays/tpo-33-carved-st…
http://www.testbig.com/integrated-toefl-writing-essays/tpo-31-integrate…
----------------------
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 20 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 7 2
No. of Sentences: 11 12
No. of Words: 270 250
No. of Characters: 1204 1200
No. of Different Words: 142 150
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.054 4.2
Average Word Length: 4.459 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.102 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 81 80
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 51 60
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 26 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 11 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.545 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 17.244 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.818 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.38 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.511 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.107 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 3 4