Tpo 46
In this set of material, the author and the lecturer disagree on the merit of whether the electronic database system is better than the traditional paper-base record. The writer in the reading passage states that the new technology plays a pivotal role in cost reducing, preventing errors and medical research development. In contrary, the professor challenges this idea feelings that the digital technology is unlikely or uncertain for any benefit, he suggests three reasons proving that the theory of the paragraph is skeptical. Following a brief interpretation of this perspective.
Firstly, the reading passage asserts that electronic medical records have cost practical benefits in storing, transporting or copying or even transferring information files. Computerized records do not need space storage if we compare it with paper patient records. However, the professor in the lecture has another point of view. He believes that even though doctors these days use the technology of computer database, they still keep paper storage as a significant reference for legal reasons associated with the patient information. In fact, doctors can adopt the electronic database system but, they still depend on the traditional pape-based record keeping.
Secondly, the writing passage claims that electronic database system would prevent the errors and decrease the chance of medical or health risk problems. Nevertheless, the lecturer opposes this idea, too. He thinks that errors still possible and they are more dangerous for patients than traditional paper-based records because doctors still use handwriting for their medical or physical notes, and depend on their staffs in entering their information electronically, which with poor writing could create a permanent high-risk health errors.
Last but not the least, the author argues that the electronic database system has a massive aid in medical research. Tremendously, this system helps in time-consuming with getting thousands of information that help in research. Whereas, the professor does not think this argument is valid. He suggests that the electronic database system is not secure and there are no benefits from it. He thinks it is still hard and trying to access to each patient's information. Because of the privacy law striction. Patients have the right to block anyone from using their data records. Therefore, if anybody wants to use that kind of system to obtain patient information health records needs to follow a long and hard process to do that.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
He thinks that errors still possible
He thinks that errors are still possible
Sentence: Because of the privacy law striction.
Error: striction Suggestion: No alternate word
flaws:
No. of Words: 389 250
Write the essay in 20 minutes.
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 24 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 20 12
No. of Words: 389 250
No. of Characters: 2089 1200
No. of Different Words: 200 150
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.441 4.2
Average Word Length: 5.37 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.773 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 174 80
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 136 60
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 84 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 52 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.45 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.264 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.6 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.287 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.455 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.096 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 695, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...have cost practical benefits in storing, transporting or copying or even transfer...
^^
Line 1, column 794, Rule ID: NEEDNT_TO_DO_AND_DONT_NEED_DO[3]
Message: Did you mean 'to space'?
Suggestion: to space
...files. Computerized records do not need space storage if we compare it with paper pat...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 228, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...s of information that help in research. Whereas, the professor does not think this argu...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 443, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[2]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'patients'' or 'patient's'?
Suggestion: patients'; patient's
...still hard and trying to access to each patients information. Because of the privacy la...
^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 465, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “Because” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...to access to each patients information. Because of the privacy law striction. Patients ...
^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, firstly, however, if, nevertheless, second, secondly, so, still, therefore, whereas, in fact, kind of
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 8.0 10.4613686534 76% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 4.0 5.04856512141 79% => OK
Conjunction : 15.0 7.30242825607 205% => Less conjunction wanted
Relative clauses : 13.0 12.0772626932 108% => OK
Pronoun: 35.0 22.412803532 156% => OK
Preposition: 37.0 30.3222958057 122% => OK
Nominalization: 11.0 5.01324503311 219% => Less nominalization wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2131.0 1373.03311258 155% => OK
No of words: 389.0 270.72406181 144% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.47814910026 5.08290768461 108% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.44106776838 4.04702891845 110% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.8550448423 2.5805825403 111% => OK
Unique words: 204.0 145.348785872 140% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.52442159383 0.540411800872 97% => OK
syllable_count: 650.7 419.366225166 155% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.55342163355 109% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 8.0 3.25607064018 246% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Interrogative: 0.0 0.116997792494 0% => OK
Article: 9.0 8.23620309051 109% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 1.25165562914 160% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.51434878587 66% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 2.5761589404 155% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 13.0662251656 153% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 21.2450331126 89% => OK
Sentence length SD: 69.9751920326 49.2860985944 142% => OK
Chars per sentence: 106.55 110.228320801 97% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.45 21.698381199 90% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.65 7.06452816374 80% => OK
Paragraphs: 3.0 4.09492273731 73% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 5.0 4.19205298013 119% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 5.0 4.33554083885 115% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 10.0 4.45695364238 224% => Less negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.27373068433 117% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.468513373988 0.272083759551 172% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.124584097227 0.0996497079465 125% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0954649006825 0.0662205650399 144% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.323905284938 0.162205337803 200% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0545492476815 0.0443174109184 123% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.1 13.3589403974 106% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 43.73 53.8541721854 81% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 5.55761589404 158% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 11.0289183223 108% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.5 12.2367328918 118% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.84 8.42419426049 105% => OK
difficult_words: 105.0 63.6247240618 165% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 10.7273730684 107% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 10.498013245 91% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.2008830022 107% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Write the essay in 20 minutes.
Minimum four paragraphs wanted. The correct pattern:
para 1: introduction
para 2: doubt 1
para 3: doubt 2
para 4: doubt 3
Less contents wanted from the reading passages(25%), more content wanted from the lecture (75%).
Don't need a conclusion paragraph.
Read sample essays from ETS:
http://www.testbig.com/users/toeflwritingmaster
Rates: 80.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 24.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.