The following is a recommendation from the business manager of Monarch Books.
"Since its opening in Collegeville twenty years ago, Monarch Books has developed a large customer base due to its reader-friendly atmosphere and wide selection of books on all subjects. Last month, Book and Bean, a combination bookstore and coffee shop, announced its intention to open a Collegeville store. Monarch Books should open its own in-store café in the space currently devoted to children's books. Given recent national census data indicating a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten, sales of children's books are likely to decline. By replacing its children's books section with a café, Monarch Books can increase profits and ward off competition from Book and Bean."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The argument suggests replacing the children’s section in the book store with in-store cafe can be profitable and keeps the competitors at check. Since according to the national census, the percentage of population under are ten had declined, speaker assumes that children’s books sales shall decline. At first glance the argument appears to be somewhat convincing but further reflection reveals it is based on dubious assumptions.
First, the argument readily assumes that supplanting the children’s section with cafe will attract patrons as both cafe and books are available at one place. While this a tempting assumption there it is by no means a certainty. There is a possibility that patrons prefer bookstore for its serene nature. Obviously adding a cafe shall cause some disturbance rendering people abhor it. This poses a serious problem because the sales of the bookstore shall actually decrease while the speaker is assuming to bag profits. Further, cafe might not earn sales as the children’s section may be because of poor quality and lackluster ambience of the place.
Secondly, the argument unfairly claims that national census data reported effects the bookstore in Collegeville which is part of nation. The claim is unsubstantiated and too hasty to presume that all the 10% decline of the children’s population is entirely of this city. Since it is a national census, it considers the entire population of the country, not specific to a particular state. For instance, Collegeville children’s population may not change but of the neighboring states could have declined. Without substantial evidence of the census of the state concluding is groundless.
Thirdly, replacing section in the store with cafe speaker hopes to ward off competition of Book and Bean. He presumes that introducing a section in store with cafe can keep the competition at check. This is completely ludicrous. Even if the speaker adheres to his idea and proceeds, there is no clear proof that his store is better than Book and Bean. Book and Bean might be a large-scale company with its stretch extending abroad and already gained some reputation in other states. Then Monarch Books shall be at jeopardy leave alone the profits.
In conclusion, the argument is weak because it depends on oversimplified assumptions about national census, profitable strategies. To strengthen the argument, the speaker must at very least show that children population has decreases in Collegeville, a rigorous survey depicting the preference of the people to include the cafe in-store and the conclusive evidence that Book and Bean shall not be a competitor in future to bag the profits.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 425 350
No. of Characters: 2192 1500
No. of Different Words: 213 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.54 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.158 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.826 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 162 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 139 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 95 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 61 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.318 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.662 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.289 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.502 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.06 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 164, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “While” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...e and books are available at one place. While this a tempting assumption there it is ...
^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, but, first, if, may, second, secondly, so, then, third, thirdly, while, for instance, in conclusion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 21.0 19.6327345309 107% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 14.0 12.9520958084 108% => OK
Conjunction : 13.0 11.1786427146 116% => OK
Relative clauses : 10.0 13.6137724551 73% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 24.0 28.8173652695 83% => OK
Preposition: 53.0 55.5748502994 95% => OK
Nominalization: 27.0 16.3942115768 165% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2274.0 2260.96107784 101% => OK
No of words: 425.0 441.139720559 96% => OK
Chars per words: 5.35058823529 5.12650576532 104% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.54043259262 4.56307096286 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.06008480783 2.78398813304 110% => OK
Unique words: 213.0 204.123752495 104% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.501176470588 0.468620217663 107% => OK
syllable_count: 703.8 705.55239521 100% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.22255489022 142% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 19.7664670659 111% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 22.8473053892 83% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 52.6912102382 57.8364921388 91% => OK
Chars per sentence: 103.363636364 119.503703932 86% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.3181818182 23.324526521 83% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.95454545455 5.70786347227 87% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 9.0 6.88822355289 131% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.101477411726 0.218282227539 46% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0326407646082 0.0743258471296 44% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.034389850904 0.0701772020484 49% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0588179175102 0.128457276422 46% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0342917680353 0.0628817314937 55% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.4 14.3799401198 93% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 43.73 48.3550499002 90% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 12.197005988 98% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.75 12.5979740519 109% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.93 8.32208582834 107% => OK
difficult_words: 117.0 98.500998004 119% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 12.3882235529 93% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.1389221557 86% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 75.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.