The following recommendation was made by the president and administrative staff of Grove College, a private institution, to the college's governing committee."We recommend that Grove College preserve its century-old tradition of all-female education rathe

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The following recommendation was made by the president and administrative staff of Grove College, a private institution, to the college's governing committee.
"We recommend that Grove College preserve its century-old tradition of all-female education rather than admit men into its programs. It is true that a majority of faculty members voted in favor of coeducation, arguing that it would encourage more students to apply to Grove. But 80 percent of the students responding to a survey conducted by the student government wanted the school to remain all female, and over half of the alumnae who answered a separate survey also opposed coeducation. Keeping the college all female will improve morale among students and convince alumnae to keep supporting the college financially."

The aforementioned argument is well-presented and appears to be cogent at first glance: since several studies indicate the preference of all female education in Grove College, it seems plausible to argue that Grove should preserve its old tradition of all-female education. However, as more light is shed on the issue and more detailed facts are concerned, the unsubstantiated assumptions lead me to question the validity of the argument.

First of all, the author assumes that the result of recent survey conducted by the student government can be reliable. Without take into consider the actual number of students who answer the survey, the author hastily believes that the majority of students prefer all-female education. However, in all likelihood, only negligible number of students participated in the survey, so 80% should not be considered as significant. In this case, it is illogical to conclude that a plethora of students oppose coeducation and therefore, the author’s argument of maintaining the old tradition of all-female education can be weakened.

Another assumption the author makes is that all-female education will reap a myriad of benefits to students. Since majority of students preferred all-female education on the report, the author hastily believes that it will enhance morale among students. However, there is no indication that students’ morale will increase if the co-education system is deterred. Moreover, if the benefits of co-education override the benefits of all-female education, students may choose to admit male students. Therefore, more information on students’ opinion is necessary to strengthen the author’s argument.

Lastly, the author assumes that if the school does not keep the old-tradition of all female, the alumnae will discontinue its financial supports. However, the author should consider that financial supports could be provided not because the school is all female but because the overall high quality of works done by college. For instance, it is possible that the alumnae decide to fund the school since the college is operating crucial research regarding embryonic cell. This research would reap a myriad of benefits to entire human beings by providing essential medical treatments, the alumnae decided to provide financial supports. In such a case, the school is whether all female or coeducation is not important. Therefore, the author should not rashly deduce alumnae could provide funding only if the school is all-female education.

To sum up, the argument above is not persuasive in many respects. To bolster the argument, the author should corroborate all the assumptions mentioned above.

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the school is whether all female or coeducation is not important.
Description: can you re-write this sentence?

argument 1 -- not OK. How did you get: 'only negligible number of students participated in the survey, so 80% should not be considered as significant.'? Maybe it is a very big number. You can argue like this: maybe students who like female only education are likely to take part the survey. and incoming students may want coeducation too.

argument 2 -- OK

argument 3 -- OK
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 408 350
No. of Characters: 2197 1500
No. of Different Words: 191 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.494 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.385 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.867 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 196 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 148 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 113 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 62 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.474 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.991 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.684 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.379 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.604 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.133 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5