42 The following is a letter to the head of the tourism bureau on the island of Tria.
"Erosion of beach sand along the shores of Tria Island is a serious threat to our island and our tourist industry. In order to stop the erosion, we should charge people for using the beaches. Although this solution may annoy a few tourists in the short term, it will raise money for replenishing the sand. Replenishing the sand, as was done to protect buildings on the nearby island of Batia, will help protect buildings along our shores, thereby reducing these buildings' risk of additional damage from severe storms. And since beaches and buildings in the area will be preserved, Tria's tourist industry will improve over the long term."
In this letter, the author asserts that the Tria’s tourist bureau will improve if the tourism bureau spends some money replenishing the sand. At the first glance, the argument seems plausible, however, a close scrutiny reveals its untenability.
At the first place, the author does not clarify the reason of erosion of beach sand along the shores of Tria Island. Perhaps the sand was destroyed by some people on purpose. Or perhaps some construction project has caused the erosion of beach. Without ruling out these possibilities, the author cannot claim that the replenishing the sand is effective.
Secondly, by charging people for using the beaches to raise money, Tria may lose more tourists rather than be attractive. It is strong possibility that the tourists are attracted by Tria Island just because the beach is free. The charged beach may be less attractive. The tourism bureau should know whether the free beaches or well-preserved beaches and buildings is more attractive for tourists. If they thought they want free beaches rather than complete beaches, the tourism bureau should care more about the charge policy.
Finally, even assuming that Tria can protect buildings by replenishing the sand, the author fails to consider the differences between Tria and Batia. Even though replenishing the sand can protect buildings in Batia by preventing it from being damaged by storm, which is the major reason destroys the Batia beaches, the author does not consider the specific causes of the damage of the buildings in Tria. If the storms in Tria is not frequent or not severe, it is unnecessary to protect these buildings.
In conclusion, the author fails to prove that replenishing beaches would attract more tourists as well as protect buildings, at least bases on this letter. To make the argument more persuasive, the author should provide more information about the reasons why beaches of Tria Island is destroyed, and if tourists would prefer well-preserved beaches rather than free beaches. More information about whether and why the building of Tria is destroyed is also appreciated.
It is strong possibility
It is a strong possibility
Sentence: Secondly, by charging people for using the beaches to raise money, Tria may lose more tourists rather than be attractive.
Description: A conjunction, subordinating is not usually followed by a verb 'to be', infinitive or imperative
Suggestion: Refer to than and be
which is the major reason destroys the Batia beaches,
which is the major reason to destroy the Batia beaches,
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argument 1 -- not OK. This is out of topic.
argument 2 -- not exactly.
suggested:
the author speculates that the entry fee collected from the visitors will be sufficient to support the sand restoration project monetarily. An accurate appraisement of the funds required , taking into account the expected decrease in visitors due to the introduction of the entry fee system, would be crucial to estimate if the recommendation is implementable economically .
argument 3 -- OK
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 339 350
No. of Characters: 1723 1500
No. of Different Words: 158 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.291 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.083 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.594 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 135 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 93 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 52 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 34 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.941 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.299 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.647 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.356 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.611 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.129 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5