According to a recent report by our marketing department, during the past year, fewer people attended Super Screen produced movies than in any other year. And yet the percentage of positive reviews by movie reviewers about specific Super Screen movies actually increased during the last year. Clearly, the content of these reviews is not reaching enough of our prospective viewers. Thus, the problem lies not in the quality of our movies but with public's lack of awareness that movies of good quality are available. Super Screen should therefore allocate a greater quantity of its budget next year to reaching the public through advertising.
In the memo from the advertising company, the author concludes that Super Screen should spend a major part of the budget in order to reach public via advertising. The author comes to this conclusion by relying on a recent report from marketing department and other pieces of the information. The author's conclusion might be true but he should answer to the two questions in order to increase persuasiveness of the argument.
Firstly, the director assumes that the past year decrease in the number of customers represents that trend will continue. Perhaps, major part of the film fans, much like teenagers, had final exam last year. Because of this, they cannot participate in films produced by Super Screen Movie Production company. It also might be that, another movie company made discounts on the tickets price and encouraged customers to purshasepurchase exactly their tickets. As a result, the number of Super Screen's clients were decreased. If either scenario is true, then author's conclusion does not hold water.
Secondly, the author assumes that recent report from marketing department conducted scientifically and does not have mistakes or previous data represents true number of the customers. It might be that, marketing department has many new employees, which have lack of knowledge. Consequently, their report can misrepresents true picture of the numbers of people who attended Super Screen movies. If this scenarionscenario is true then the author’s conclusion might not be correct.
In conclusion, the author may be correct in his conclusion about budget allocating in Super Screen Movie Production Company. However, as it stands now, the conclusion rests on two unwarranted assumptions that diminish credibility of the argument. If the author wants to increase persuasiveness of his argument, he needs to answer to the two questions above.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 5 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 292 350
No. of Characters: 1534 1500
No. of Different Words: 152 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.134 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.253 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.934 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 115 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 84 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 64 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 45 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.25 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 4.644 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.688 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.356 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.54 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.11 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
In the memo from the advertising company...
^^^^^
Line 1, column 302, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...nd other pieces of the information. The authors conclusion might be true but he should ...
^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...rease persuasiveness of the argument. Firstly, the director assumes that the p...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...thors conclusion does not hold water. Secondly, the author assumes that recent...
^^^^
Line 3, column 313, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[2]
Message: The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: 'misrepresent'
Suggestion: misrepresent
...owledge. Consequently, their report can misrepresents true picture of the numbers of people w...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 399, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...eople who attended Super Screen movies. If this scenarionscenario is true then the...
^^
Line 4, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...or’s conclusion might not be correct. In conclusion, the author may be correct...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, consequently, first, firstly, however, if, may, second, secondly, so, then, in conclusion, as a result
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 8.0 19.6327345309 41% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 12.9520958084 77% => OK
Conjunction : 5.0 11.1786427146 45% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 9.0 13.6137724551 66% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 20.0 28.8173652695 69% => OK
Preposition: 41.0 55.5748502994 74% => OK
Nominalization: 9.0 16.3942115768 55% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1574.0 2260.96107784 70% => OK
No of words: 292.0 441.139720559 66% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.3904109589 5.12650576532 105% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.13376432452 4.56307096286 91% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.02133993904 2.78398813304 109% => OK
Unique words: 159.0 204.123752495 78% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.544520547945 0.468620217663 116% => OK
syllable_count: 466.2 705.55239521 66% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 2.70958083832 221% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 19.7664670659 81% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 18.0 22.8473053892 79% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 31.1566104543 57.8364921388 54% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 98.375 119.503703932 82% => OK
Words per sentence: 18.25 23.324526521 78% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.0625 5.70786347227 124% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 5.15768463074 78% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 7.0 5.25449101796 133% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 12.0 8.20758483034 146% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.67664670659 21% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.215467255637 0.218282227539 99% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0730774523516 0.0743258471296 98% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0675083187912 0.0701772020484 96% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.13041781204 0.128457276422 102% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.041216591818 0.0628817314937 66% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.1 14.3799401198 91% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 53.21 48.3550499002 110% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 12.197005988 84% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.98 12.5979740519 111% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.48 8.32208582834 102% => OK
difficult_words: 73.0 98.500998004 74% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.2 11.1389221557 83% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.