"Americans spend far too much of their time buying and consuming non-essential goods. Studies show that, on average Americans spend over a quarter of their leisure time shopping. As such, it is no secret why America is losing its competitive edge relative to other countries. Instead of spending their time productively, Americans are wasting time through frivolous consumption. In order to counteract this trend, Americans should spend more time focused on personal and communal development--by, for example, pursuing educational advancement or participating in volunteer opportunities."
The author of the argument argues that americans spend too much time of buying and consuming non-essential goods . Furthermore, the author adds that due to spending time in leisure activities, america is losing edge on other countries. He further states that americans should spend more time in productive activities such as personal development , communal development , educational development . Though the underlying argument has certain merits but due to some weak assumptions and vague language, the argument remains unsubstantiated and deeply flawed. some of the flaws are as follows.
First, the author has developed a causal relationship with the time spend by the americans to america's losing competitive edge on other countries but the author has not given any proof to prove his statement. For example, if there is recession in america and that is the main reason behind america losing it competitive edge on other countries then the author has certainly stated a wrong relation.
Second, the author to counter the problem available at site states that the americans should focus on personal development , communal development , educational development has failed to show how would these factors contribute to lift america up in the competition with other countries. For example, if the main reason as stated above is recession, these developments will surely do no good to the current status of america. So the author if could have provided some background to his argument as in some survey or data about the downfall in the competition of countries, it would have certainly helped to understand the exact reason.
Third, the author states a study showing that on average americans spend over a quarter of the time shopping has wrongly assumed that all americans spend quarter time shopping. For instance if, Out of total population majority of time shopping spent is by young girls then the people who are majorly responsible for america's growth are working regularly to develop their skill sets and spending less time of shopping. This could be a case as the study shows that on average americans spend quarter of their leisure time shopping.
Although as given the argument certainly has many flaws. if the author were to add some statistics and background to the argument it would have certainly improved the argument. if the author were to add some proofs related to the causal statements stated in the argument, it would make the argument implausible and the improve the reasoning.
In the conclusion, the author states a interesting but flawed argument, if the author would have added the above data as shown it would have surely strengthen his argument . As it stands, the argument is too weak and the reasoning is not up to the mark. Hence, I remain unconvinced.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 452 350
No. of Characters: 2282 1500
No. of Different Words: 192 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.611 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.049 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.715 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 172 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 123 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 93 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 62 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 28.25 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.086 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.812 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.374 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.65 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.117 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 113, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...buying and consuming non-essential goods . Furthermore, the author adds that due t...
^^
Line 1, column 346, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
... activities such as personal development , communal development , educational deve...
^^
Line 1, column 369, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...sonal development , communal development , educational development . Though the un...
^^
Line 1, column 395, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...al development , educational development . Though the underlying argument has cert...
^^
Line 1, column 557, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Some
...ains unsubstantiated and deeply flawed. some of the flaws are as follows. Fi...
^^^^
Line 1, column 557, Rule ID: SOME_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'some'.
Suggestion: some
...ains unsubstantiated and deeply flawed. some of the flaws are as follows. First, th...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 13, column 123, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...ans should focus on personal development , communal development , educational deve...
^^
Line 13, column 146, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...sonal development , communal development , educational development has failed to s...
^^
Line 25, column 1, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “Although” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...of their leisure time shopping. Although as given the argument certainly has man...
^^^^^^^^
Line 25, column 58, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: If
... the argument certainly has many flaws. if the author were to add some statistics ...
^^
Line 25, column 178, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: If
...d have certainly improved the argument. if the author were to add some proofs rela...
^^
Line 25, column 316, Rule ID: A_INFINITVE[1]
Message: Probably a wrong construction: a/the + infinitive
...would make the argument implausible and the improve the reasoning. In the conclusio...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 31, column 38, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'an' instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: an
... In the conclusion, the author states a interesting but flawed argument, if the...
^
Line 31, column 87, Rule ID: IF_WOULD_HAVE_VBN[1]
Message: Did you mean 'had added'?
Suggestion: had added
...ting but flawed argument, if the author would have added the above data as shown it would have s...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 31, column 149, Rule ID: HAVE_PART_AGREEMENT[2]
Message: Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: 'strengthened'.
Suggestion: strengthened
...bove data as shown it would have surely strengthen his argument . As it stands, the argume...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 31, column 172, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...ould have surely strengthen his argument . As it stands, the argument is too weak ...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, furthermore, hence, if, second, so, then, third, for example, for instance, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 13.0 19.6327345309 66% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 12.9520958084 85% => OK
Conjunction : 12.0 11.1786427146 107% => OK
Relative clauses : 9.0 13.6137724551 66% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 24.0 28.8173652695 83% => OK
Preposition: 52.0 55.5748502994 94% => OK
Nominalization: 24.0 16.3942115768 146% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2364.0 2260.96107784 105% => OK
No of words: 452.0 441.139720559 102% => OK
Chars per words: 5.23008849558 5.12650576532 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.61088837703 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.80784192013 2.78398813304 101% => OK
Unique words: 203.0 204.123752495 99% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.449115044248 0.468620217663 96% => OK
syllable_count: 739.8 705.55239521 105% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 8.0 2.70958083832 295% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 19.7664670659 96% => OK
Sentence length: 23.0 22.8473053892 101% => OK
Sentence length SD: 66.1406626639 57.8364921388 114% => OK
Chars per sentence: 124.421052632 119.503703932 104% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.7894736842 23.324526521 102% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.0 5.70786347227 88% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 16.0 5.25449101796 305% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 4.0 8.20758483034 49% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 11.0 6.88822355289 160% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.29776522985 0.218282227539 136% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.109743183267 0.0743258471296 148% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.137309266252 0.0701772020484 196% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.159269460979 0.128457276422 124% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.15233316428 0.0628817314937 242% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.1 14.3799401198 105% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 48.13 48.3550499002 100% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 7.1628742515 156% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.3 12.197005988 101% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.35 12.5979740519 106% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.85 8.32208582834 94% => OK
difficult_words: 88.0 98.500998004 89% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 10.5 12.3882235529 85% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 11.1389221557 101% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.