The reasons provided by the advertisement that appeared on the mozart school of music websites look persuasive and support the conclusions at first glance. It is obvious that if there are no age restrictions, wide range of musical instrument to learn and good faculty then more parents would enroll their children in such music lessons. But there are certain discrepancies in the reasons provided in the advertisement which might be invalid if certain assumption are not made.
First of all it is important to note that the advertisement asserts that the school is welcoming the youngsters with all abilities and age but it does not clearly describe whether the students with such abilities and age would get 'admission' in the course of a particular music or not. This fault in the advertisement may not help in attracting more parents and thus weakens the recommendation. Instead the advertisement should have the word 'admission' instead of ' welcomes' to make the point more attractive. Again there is this use of word ' attend' in the following sentence which raises some discrepancies. As according to the sentence there is no audition for attending the school but there might be an audition for getting enrolled in the course of music. So this use of word also doesn't attract much parents to enroll their children in the school.
In addition to that the advertisement claims that the school offers instruction in a wide range of styles and genre that will include different kind of music forms between classical and rock. But here the advertisement fails to show which are the forms of music between classical and rock. Because it is not necessary that a layperson would be cognizant about the different forms of music. A parent may be knowing a form which is not detailed in the advertisement. A parent who might like to teach their children other than classical or rock may not be persuaded by the advertisement. In that case the advertisement should delineate all the forms and genres which the school instructs.
Furthermore, the advertisement claims that there are expert teachers in the school but fails to enumerate how many are there and they are expert in which music form or genre. Because if there are expert teachers in only one or two forms of music then the advertisement would not be efficacious enough to indicate the verisimilitude of the mozart school.
Finally the advertisement asserts that many students had gone to become professional musician but their number is not indicated which again makes the advertisement lack of cogency.
To sum up the advertisement fails to attract parents due to use of words that are not relevant and limited statistical information. So if certain details are added then it is possible that more parents would be attracted by the advertisement and would enroll their children in the mozart school.
Essay evaluation report
flaws:
the arguments are not right on the point.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 70 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 476 350
No. of Characters: 2345 1500
No. of Different Words: 197 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.671 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.926 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.878 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 154 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 119 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 83 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 58 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.8 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.28 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.8 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.375 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.595 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.121 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 395, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Instead,
...ts and thus weakens the recommendation. Instead the advertisement should have the word ...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 462, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...hould have the word admission instead of welcomes to make the point more attracti...
^^
Line 3, column 539, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ractive. Again there is this use of word attend in the following sentence which r...
^^
Line 3, column 783, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...urse of music. So this use of word also doesnt attract much parents to enroll their c...
^^^^^^
Line 3, column 789, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...f music. So this use of word also doesnt attract much parents to enroll their chi...
^^
Line 3, column 799, Rule ID: MUCH_COUNTABLE[1]
Message: Use 'many' with countable nouns.
Suggestion: many
...o this use of word also doesnt attract much parents to enroll their children in the...
^^^^
Line 5, column 291, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “Because” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...ms of music between classical and rock. Because it is not necessary that a layperson wo...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 404, Rule ID: PROGRESSIVE_VERBS[1]
Message: This verb is normally not used in the progressive form. Try a simple form instead.
... different forms of music. A parent may be knowing a form which is not detailed in the adv...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 1, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Finally,
...verisimilitude of the mozart school. Finally the advertisement asserts that many stu...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, furthermore, if, look, may, so, then, thus, in addition, kind of, first of all, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 26.0 19.6327345309 132% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 12.9520958084 116% => OK
Conjunction : 22.0 11.1786427146 197% => OK
Relative clauses : 21.0 13.6137724551 154% => OK
Pronoun: 27.0 28.8173652695 94% => OK
Preposition: 58.0 55.5748502994 104% => OK
Nominalization: 26.0 16.3942115768 159% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2391.0 2260.96107784 106% => OK
No of words: 475.0 441.139720559 108% => OK
Chars per words: 5.03368421053 5.12650576532 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.66845742379 4.56307096286 102% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.9307319952 2.78398813304 105% => OK
Unique words: 193.0 204.123752495 95% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.406315789474 0.468620217663 87% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 736.2 705.55239521 104% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 4.96107784431 40% => OK
Article: 4.0 8.76447105788 46% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 19.7664670659 101% => OK
Sentence length: 23.0 22.8473053892 101% => OK
Sentence length SD: 47.827685497 57.8364921388 83% => OK
Chars per sentence: 119.55 119.503703932 100% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.75 23.324526521 102% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.8 5.70786347227 102% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 9.0 5.25449101796 171% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.67664670659 107% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.325273202819 0.218282227539 149% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.106350637272 0.0743258471296 143% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.078762063115 0.0701772020484 112% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.171482420804 0.128457276422 133% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0837240960788 0.0628817314937 133% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.1 14.3799401198 98% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 56.59 48.3550499002 117% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.1 12.197005988 91% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.19 12.5979740519 97% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.47 8.32208582834 90% => OK
difficult_words: 81.0 98.500998004 82% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 11.1389221557 101% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.