The following appeared in a letter from a firm providing investment advice to a client.
"Homes in the northeastern United States, where winters are typically cold, have traditionally used oil as their major fuel for heating. Last year that region experienced 90 days with below-average temperatures, and climate forecasters at Waymarsh University predict that this weather pattern will continue for several more years. Furthermore, many new homes have been built in this region during the past year. Because these developments will certainly result in an increased demand for heating oil, we recommend investment in Consolidated Industries, one of whose major business operations is the retail sale of home heating oil."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
The investment firm suggests its clients to invest in Consolidated Industries, which has major business operations in the retail sale of home heating oil. The argument is based on the fact that rise in the number of houses being built would increase the demand of oil, as traditionally oil is being used as fuel in these houses for heat. While this may be true, the firm would have to answer the following questions to make its advice more persuasive.
First, How many new homes were built in the region? The firm bases its argument on the fact that the price of oil will increase if the number of houses increases. However, numerical evidence isn't provided to show a rise in houses. 'Many new homes' could also mean 5 new homes or 500 new homes. This vague terminology doesn't paint a clear picture of the rise of houses in the region.
Secondly, Is heating technology still the same? In the letter, the firm asserts that oil is traditionally used as fuel for heating. This may have been true for ealier times but the firm needs to provide evidence on how many newly built houses use oil for heating. Since heating oil in a confined space is a huge fire hazard, the local government could have made rules to prevent using it wich would lead to most of the newly built houses to use electrical sources of heat. Also, better insulation used in new houses could also mean a decreased demand for heat generation in the house.
And finally, the firm suggests its client to invest in Consolidated Industries, but, it could be one of many such businesses that provide home heating oil. The advice doesn't provide any evidence to choose Consolidated Industries over its peers in the same business. It could be possible that its competitors already provide the same quality of oil at a lower cost, thus making it more preferable over Consolidated Industries. Or that its peers could reduce the prices of their product after the demand surges. Would Consolidated Insdustries then be the preferred choice?
Thus, the author needs to provide further clarification on these topics to make the suggestion persuasive to its readers.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 5 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 369 350
No. of Characters: 1712 1500
No. of Different Words: 172 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.383 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.64 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.512 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 105 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 71 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 48 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 33 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.421 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.223 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.632 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.336 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.554 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.073 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 192, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: isn't
... increases. However, numerical evidence isnt provided to show a rise in houses. Many...
^^^^
Line 3, column 316, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...r 500 new homes. This vague terminology doesnt paint a clear picture of the rise of ho...
^^^^^^
Line 7, column 168, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...at provide home heating oil. The advice doesnt provide any evidence to choose Consolid...
^^^^^^
Line 7, column 517, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[1]
Message: The verb 'Would' requires the base form of the verb: 'consolidate'
Suggestion: Consolidate
... product after the demand surges. Would Consolidated Insdustries then be the preferred choic...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, however, if, may, second, secondly, so, still, then, thus, while
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 13.0 19.6327345309 66% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 12.9520958084 100% => OK
Conjunction : 4.0 11.1786427146 36% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 7.0 13.6137724551 51% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 24.0 28.8173652695 83% => OK
Preposition: 47.0 55.5748502994 85% => OK
Nominalization: 11.0 16.3942115768 67% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1761.0 2260.96107784 78% => OK
No of words: 366.0 441.139720559 83% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.81147540984 5.12650576532 94% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.37391431897 4.56307096286 96% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.56354197146 2.78398813304 92% => OK
Unique words: 176.0 204.123752495 86% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.48087431694 0.468620217663 103% => OK
syllable_count: 554.4 705.55239521 79% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 19.7664670659 96% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 22.8473053892 83% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 44.7000467877 57.8364921388 77% => OK
Chars per sentence: 92.6842105263 119.503703932 78% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.2631578947 23.324526521 83% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.78947368421 5.70786347227 84% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 4.0 8.20758483034 49% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 11.0 4.67664670659 235% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.267460600278 0.218282227539 123% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0894483428299 0.0743258471296 120% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.073374105177 0.0701772020484 105% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.143878697383 0.128457276422 112% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0860750117098 0.0628817314937 137% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 10.9 14.3799401198 76% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 60.65 48.3550499002 125% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.5 12.197005988 78% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.62 12.5979740519 84% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.69 8.32208582834 92% => OK
difficult_words: 72.0 98.500998004 73% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 10.5 12.3882235529 85% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.1389221557 86% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.