The director of a large group of hospitals claimed the requirement of UltraClean hand wash by concerning the health of the patients. This argument may seems convincing at first glance but it contains pit-holes that prove it unconvincing.
Firstly, the author posits the argument by giving the laboratory study of liquid antibacterial hand soap containing a concentrated solution of UltraClean and its result in reducing 40 percentile of the bacteria population. He used this study to assert the use of UltraClean hand wash in place of liquid hand soap already used in hospital. However, more detailed data, if provided could have strongly buttress this point. For example, factors such as purpose of the study, number of bacteria population taken into consideration as the data is given in percentage, kind of bacteria killed by UltraClean, kind and amount of liquid hand soap taken into consideration while taking the statistics and so on. All this information is need make the argument persuasive.
While testing the UltraClean in the laboratory, the UltraClean was used in concentrated form. There might be possibility that UltraClean is already present in the existing hand soap but that could be diluted to increase the quantity of the liquid thus inadvertently reducing the effect of soap. Hence, the ratio information of the ingredients used in the existing hand soap to the studied one is needed to bolster the purpose of the study.
In addition, the author has also provided a subsequent test of UltraClean at the hospital in Workby and its result of significant decrease of the cases of patient infection. While stating this allegation, the author failed to mentioned about the sanity of Workby hospital. Apart from proper hand wash, hospital cleanliness should also be the cause for patients prone to infection. Also, the cause of the infection that the patients infected by is not clearly stated. The patients can be infected by bacteria (as per the argument), viruses or even fungus. Another reason in the fall of the patient's infection could be because of better immunity developed in patients during the dosage of medicines. Thus providing a remedy without investigating the cause of the infection could prove ambiguous.
Initially, when the author mentioned about the patient's being infected due to ineffective hand soap, the question arises that why not the staff of the hospital have the same suffrage? Is there any difference in the hand soap used by the staff and by the patient? these questions need to be answered to drive a conclusion.
Furthermore, The data of patient is collected only from the hospitals of the same group but the information about the geographic regions of the hospitals is not provided. This detail, if supplied, could provided weightage to either side of the argument. For instance, the infection could be endemic to a specific region where other hospitals belong and as a result the count of the patient is more those hospital as compared to the one in Workby where the hand soap is used.
In conclusion, the author needed to do more detailed analysis before drawing a conclusion. He should considers all the factors such as proportion of UltraClean used in the existing hand wash, cause of the infection, region of the hospitals prone to infection and so on, to persuasively suggest his proposal.
Essay evaluation report
samples:
https://www.testbig.com/gmatgre-argument-task-essays/following-appeared…
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 549 350
No. of Characters: 2740 1500
No. of Different Words: 227 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.841 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.991 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.785 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 202 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 156 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 127 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 74 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.875 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.765 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.708 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.318 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.573 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.1 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 7 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 185, Rule ID: CD_NN[1]
Message: Possible agreement error. The noun 'percentile' seems to be countable, so consider using: 'percentiles'.
Suggestion: percentiles
...ltraClean and its result in reducing 40 percentile of the bacteria population. He used thi...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 401, Rule ID: HAVE_PART_AGREEMENT[2]
Message: Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: 'buttressed'.
Suggestion: buttressed
...d data, if provided could have strongly buttress this point. For example, factors such a...
^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 588, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'patients'' or 'patient's'?
Suggestion: patients'; patient's
...ngus. Another reason in the fall of the patients infection could be because of better im...
^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 264, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: These
...p used by the staff and by the patient? these questions need to be answered to drive ...
^^^^^
Line 11, column 204, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[1]
Message: The verb 'could' requires the base form of the verb: 'provide'
Suggestion: provide
...ovided. This detail, if supplied, could provided weightage to either side of the argumen...
^^^^^^^^
Line 11, column 399, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'this hospital' or 'those hospitals'?
Suggestion: this hospital; those hospitals
...result the count of the patient is more those hospital as compared to the one in Workby where ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 13, column 102, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[2]
Message: The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: 'consider'
Suggestion: consider
... before drawing a conclusion. He should considers all the factors such as proportion of U...
^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, firstly, furthermore, hence, however, if, may, so, thus, while, apart from, for example, for instance, in addition, in conclusion, kind of, such as, as a result
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 19.0 19.6327345309 97% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 12.9520958084 100% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 11.1786427146 98% => OK
Relative clauses : 8.0 13.6137724551 59% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 20.0 28.8173652695 69% => OK
Preposition: 88.0 55.5748502994 158% => OK
Nominalization: 28.0 16.3942115768 171% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2819.0 2260.96107784 125% => OK
No of words: 549.0 441.139720559 124% => OK
Chars per words: 5.13479052823 5.12650576532 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.84053189512 4.56307096286 106% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.86769167253 2.78398813304 103% => OK
Unique words: 237.0 204.123752495 116% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.431693989071 0.468620217663 92% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 884.7 705.55239521 125% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 12.0 8.76447105788 137% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 25.0 19.7664670659 126% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 58.7496927652 57.8364921388 102% => OK
Chars per sentence: 112.76 119.503703932 94% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.96 23.324526521 94% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.12 5.70786347227 125% => OK
Paragraphs: 7.0 5.15768463074 136% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 7.0 5.25449101796 133% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 8.20758483034 158% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.67664670659 107% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.138788312588 0.218282227539 64% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0426000880091 0.0743258471296 57% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0591811759671 0.0701772020484 84% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0747010197546 0.128457276422 58% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0520631339316 0.0628817314937 83% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.7 14.3799401198 95% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 50.16 48.3550499002 104% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 12.197005988 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.47 12.5979740519 99% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.27 8.32208582834 99% => OK
difficult_words: 125.0 98.500998004 127% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 12.3882235529 93% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Maximum six paragraphs wanted.
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.