The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira Vista College to the
college's board of trustees.
"At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job
counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job
offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the
seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found
full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were
employed in their major field of study. To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we
must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job
counselors to help students with their resumés and interviewing skills."
The editorial contends that the students of the Mira Vista College who employed after their graduation decrease because of their weakening in their resumes, interviewing and other business and computer skills. To support that the author points out to some vague and unlogical statistics and evidence. I find this argument logically unconvincing in several respects.
To begin with, the author points out to the 90 percent of the graduating last years decrease to the only 70 percent of graduating employe after 3 months of graduating to improve that the number of graduate students who could find jobs decrease. However, the author did not mention about the exact number of the total students of this college and the clear number of students after the graduation because it is entirely possible that the number of students was very small and the 90 percent of them was a large number but in the last years the number of students increase and because of that the percent change. Therefore, the author can not conclude logically to provide some clear statistics that could help him to prove his idea.
Secondly, the author assumes that finding more jobs have direct effects on the offering business courses and improving skills for interviewing. Perhaps, these two factors did have any effects on each other and the author overlooks the relation of other factors in the process of finding jobs for the graduate students. It is entirely possible that because of some economic changes in the economy of the city, the city needs more engineer than consulter.
In addition, even if the assumption of the author was correct and the number of the students who could find jobs after their graduation decrease, it might be possible that the solution of offering some courses such as business and computer technology, did have any effect on the number of students who can find the career in the future. It is entirely possible that the governments of the city offered some facilities to the immigrated people and the jobs offer decrease abruptly, therefore, by offering some additional courses in the college the students cannot overcome to the lack of job offers. Or perhaps, the students who can not find jobs, intend to continue their education or find jobs in metropolitan cities.
In short, without ruling out other evidence and clear statistics for decreasing the number of Mira Vista college graduated students who can find the job in the last year the author cannot convince me on the basis of his recommendation. Furthermore, to strengthen it the author must provide the exact total number of students and evidence that could prove the idea of offering more additional courses have a direct relation to finding more jobs.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Sentence: To support that the author points out to some vague and unlogical statistics and evidence.
Error: unlogical Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: To begin with, the author points out to the 90 percent of the graduating last years decrease to the only 70 percent of graduating employe after 3 months of graduating to improve that the number of graduate students who could find jobs decrease.
Error: employe Suggestion: employed
Sentence: It is entirely possible that because of some economic changes in the economy of the city, the city needs more engineer than consulter.
Error: consulter Suggestion: No alternate word
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argument 1 -- not OK
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- OK
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 453 350
No. of Characters: 2233 1500
No. of Different Words: 174 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.613 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.929 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.512 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 170 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 133 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 92 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 36 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 32.357 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 15.778 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.571 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.41 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.592 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.142 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 571, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...st years the number of students increase and because of that the percent change. ...
^^
Line 7, column 252, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...uch as business and computer technology, did have any effect on the number of stu...
^^
Line 8, column 94, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... statistics for decreasing the number of Mira Vista college graduated students wh...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, furthermore, however, if, look, second, secondly, so, then, therefore, in addition, in short, such as, to begin with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 7.0 19.6327345309 36% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 12.0 12.9520958084 93% => OK
Conjunction : 17.0 11.1786427146 152% => OK
Relative clauses : 17.0 13.6137724551 125% => OK
Pronoun: 30.0 28.8173652695 104% => OK
Preposition: 66.0 55.5748502994 119% => OK
Nominalization: 15.0 16.3942115768 91% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2279.0 2260.96107784 101% => OK
No of words: 453.0 441.139720559 103% => OK
Chars per words: 5.03090507726 5.12650576532 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.61343653406 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.58710982383 2.78398813304 93% => OK
Unique words: 176.0 204.123752495 86% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.388520971302 0.468620217663 83% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 706.5 705.55239521 100% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 7.0 4.22255489022 166% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 14.0 19.7664670659 71% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 32.0 22.8473053892 140% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 86.44418395 57.8364921388 149% => OK
Chars per sentence: 162.785714286 119.503703932 136% => OK
Words per sentence: 32.3571428571 23.324526521 139% => OK
Discourse Markers: 8.64285714286 5.70786347227 151% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0957596691046 0.218282227539 44% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0408472402565 0.0743258471296 55% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0371387888604 0.0701772020484 53% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0693649145012 0.128457276422 54% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0309861002085 0.0628817314937 49% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 18.4 14.3799401198 128% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 39.0 48.3550499002 81% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 15.8 12.197005988 130% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.49 12.5979740519 99% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.15 8.32208582834 98% => OK
difficult_words: 84.0 98.500998004 85% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 14.8 11.1389221557 133% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.