The following appeared on the Mozart School of Music Web site.
"The Mozart School of Music should be the first choice for parents considering enrolling their child in music lessons. First of all, the Mozart School welcomes youngsters at all ability and age levels; there is no audition to attend the school. Second, the school offers instruction in nearly all musical instruments as well a wide range of styles and genres from classical to rock. Third, the faculty includes some of the most distinguished musicians in the area. Finally, many Mozart graduates have gone on to become well-known and highly paid professional musicians."
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.
Mozart school of music is considered a prestigious school for music. The name of the school is based on one of the finest composer, pianist, and conductor that ever lived. There is no surprise that the school will want to make a mark in this world. As a result, they have published some of the reasons why the parents should opt for Mozart school when it comes to enrolling their kid for music on their website.
The first and for most reason the school has no constraint when it comes to age, ability, caste, which are present in other schools. The school considers this their basic rule when it comes to welcoming kids in their institution. Though this may sound to be fair, there are certain cases that may prove this to be problematic for the parents as well as the children. One case would be if kids of all age groups are enrolled, there is a possibility of some kids to be neglected, if the staff number falls short. For this reason, many parents would like to put their kid where they know they are being personally attended to.
Another problem could be that with the admission of all kinds of student, many are vulnerable to be bullied, as there can be some people who dislike the area or caste they represent. This will also cause parents to think twice before sending their child to a place he can be prone to abuse. As for the admission of kids of all kinds of ability, there is a risk of a certain kind of child who is different from others to be pushed and abused and bullied too. This can even cause some teachers to be partial towards them which other children would resent. The first reason itself has few flaws which the parents should consider before believing it.
With no audition brings the problem of enrolling kids who may never be able to learn music and will have disappointed etched in their hearts from a very young age. Often, parents are so eager to make their child learn and be involved in music that they ignore or turn a blind eye to the fact that their kid is not even remotely interested and is simply forced to join. With audition, there is a chance for the teachers to see the passion behind the child’s eye when it comes to music.
The second claim by the school is that they offer instructions for almost all kinds of instruments and genres and styles. Ranging from classical to rock music, almost all is covered. However, there is no mention if the student will be given a choice to choose the instrument and the genre he want to learn, or will he have to learn everything that the school can offer. This raises the question of whether the student will be able to excel in one type of genre, as many famous musicians are. Though many reputed musicians can play more than one instrument, they are always famous for their specific talent. Will the child be able to find his if he is made to learn all the instruments and styles? This question requires an answer from the parents who put it forth.
Moreover, the school tells us that they have recruited the most distinguished musicians in the area. For people who are from a different state or town, there is no mention of the type of music the musicians in the area excelled in. There is a possibility of the area being famous for rock music as many of the famous rock musicians reside there, which makes one wonder how the school claims to teach almost all kinds of styles, if the majority of the musicians in the area are from rock music. It could be because the school wants to make their position as one of the most versatile music school, they made those claims.
The final promise and the most important one is that many of the Mozart school’s graduates have become renowned and are high earning. As the school has enrolled everyone who came to them for admission gives us an estimate of the number of students there really are and there is no certainty what the school means by many graduates becoming successful. It could be that out of 1000 students 50 become renowned, but what about the rest? There is no mention of other students who do not become successful. Are they at least settled well? Or have they got a job in some music school as an instructor?
These claims by the school raises plenty of question, which though are obscure, are really important for the parents because there is no knowing the amount of money the school will charge from them after making those high claims. It is in the best interest of the school and the parents to know every aspect of the promises and then choose and make the right choice for their child.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
flaws:
No. of Words: 831 350
doesn't need three paragraphs for the first argument:
First of all, the Mozart School welcomes youngsters at all ability and age levels; there is no audition to attend the school.
----------------------
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 36 15
No. of Words: 831 350
No. of Characters: 3639 1500
No. of Different Words: 300 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 5.369 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.379 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.178 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 219 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 130 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 83 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 49 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.083 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.653 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.528 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.273 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.515 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.123 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 8 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 283, Rule ID: SOME_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'some'.
Suggestion: some
...world. As a result, they have published some of the reasons why the parents should opt for ...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 292, Rule ID: HE_VERB_AGR[1]
Message: The pronoun 'he' must be used with a third-person verb: 'wants'.
Suggestion: wants
... choose the instrument and the genre he want to learn, or will he have to learn ever...
^^^^
Line 5, column 382, Rule ID: WHETHER[3]
Message: Wordiness: Shorten this phrase to the shortest possible suggestion.
Suggestion: whether; the question whether
... that the school can offer. This raises the question of whether the student will be able to excel in on...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, however, if, may, moreover, really, second, so, then, well, as for, at least, kind of, as a result, as well as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 54.0 19.6327345309 275% => Less to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 24.0 12.9520958084 185% => OK
Conjunction : 23.0 11.1786427146 206% => Less conjunction wanted
Relative clauses : 28.0 13.6137724551 206% => Less relative clauses wanted (maybe 'which' is over used).
Pronoun: 66.0 28.8173652695 229% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 99.0 55.5748502994 178% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 16.3942115768 73% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3729.0 2260.96107784 165% => OK
No of words: 831.0 441.139720559 188% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.48736462094 5.12650576532 88% => OK
Fourth root words length: 5.36908470885 4.56307096286 118% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.28027299383 2.78398813304 82% => OK
Unique words: 317.0 204.123752495 155% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.38146811071 0.468620217663 81% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 1141.2 705.55239521 162% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.59920159681 88% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 11.0 4.96107784431 222% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 9.0 2.70958083832 332% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 4.0 1.67365269461 239% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 36.0 19.7664670659 182% => OK
Sentence length: 23.0 22.8473053892 101% => OK
Sentence length SD: 51.1621122355 57.8364921388 88% => OK
Chars per sentence: 103.583333333 119.503703932 87% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.0833333333 23.324526521 99% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.55555555556 5.70786347227 62% => OK
Paragraphs: 8.0 5.15768463074 155% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 8.20758483034 158% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 10.0 6.88822355289 145% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 13.0 4.67664670659 278% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.378184608255 0.218282227539 173% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.107924510124 0.0743258471296 145% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0908364411093 0.0701772020484 129% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.201229837125 0.128457276422 157% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0830033514394 0.0628817314937 132% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.3 14.3799401198 79% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 65.05 48.3550499002 135% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.9 12.197005988 81% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 9.06 12.5979740519 72% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.0 8.32208582834 84% => OK
difficult_words: 117.0 98.500998004 119% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 10.5 12.3882235529 85% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 11.1389221557 101% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Maximum six paragraphs wanted.
Rates: 54.17 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.25 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.