The following appeared as part of an article in a business magazine.
"A recent study rating 300 male and female Mentian advertising executives according to the average number of hours they sleep per night showed an association between the amount of sleep the executives need and the success of their firms. Of the advertising firms studied, those whose executives reported needing no more than 6 hours of sleep per night had higher profit margins and faster growth. These results suggest that if a business wants to prosper, it should hire only people who need less than 6 hours of sleep per night."
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.
The author proposes hiring only people who need less than 6 hours of sleep per night to make their business prosper because of the recent study implying the association between the amount of sleep the executives need and the success of their firms. He or she offers an interesting argument, but it suffers from some logical flaws and gaps in evidence. While connections suggested are reasonable, there are many other possible scenarios that should discourage the company hiring only workers who need less than 6 hours of sleep per night.
To begin with, let's consider the recent study. The author offers no information about the participants of the recent study. Most of the participants may be young executives so they are vigorous and need less sleep. Or most of the Mentian advertising executives may be parent of young babies, who need lots of cares during midnight and night and make their unwilling parents sleep less. What is more, executives of Mentian may have to sleep at day and work at night because of company's peculiarity. For example, Mentian may cooperate with corporations in other countries with time difference so that it forces the executives to work at night and sleep at day. What is more, The phrase 'average' in the study could also be misleading. Only considering the average without standard deviation could be interpreted to somewhat different results. What if the executives usually sleep 8~9 hours per night and sleep 2~3 hours only when they are busy because of nigh project deadline, imminent seminar, etc.? Therefore without accessing more detailed information about participants and more data such as standard deviation of sleeping hours, we cannot conclude that hiring workers who sleep less than 6 hours will lead the business's prosper
Secondly, the author assumes that as Mentian advertising executives who sleep less than 6 hours had higher profit margins and faster growth, the new workers in other business similarly would have better performance and grow faster. However it is not logical to believe that particular characteristic which makes the advertising executives successful will also lead the success of new employer in other business. There are lots of differences between advertisement and others and there is some type of works that discourage fewer sleeps. For example, airport requires the pilots to sleep fully before they ride the airplane since lack of sleep can cause disaster. Likewise, requirement of successful executives and other levels of workers such as incoming employee may differ. Therefore it is hasty to claim that business needs to hire only people who sleep less than six hours regardless of the employee's level or type of work that workers should implement to success.
Finally, the author unproperly regards the amount of sleep the workers need as critical factor to success of their firms. However, there is no reason to believe that the success of the company is due only to the number of hours the workers sleep. There are many other factors that could affect the firm's performance. The successful executives may have strong leadership, for example, or they may have strong initiative and drive, etc. Thus the author should elucidate the correlation between the amount of sleep and worker's greater profit margins and growth to corroborate his or her claim.
To sum, the author's assumption that business should hire only people who sleep less than 6 hours for their prosper is logically flawed based on above mentioned reasons. To strengthen his or her argument, the author should closely examine all the conditions and factors affecting the firm's success and employee's great performance. In conclusion, the argument which author proposes reflects unsupported claims without clear reasons and evidence.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 15 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 4 2
No. of Sentences: 26 15
No. of Words: 612 350
No. of Characters: 3121 1500
No. of Different Words: 257 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.974 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.1 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.604 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 227 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 171 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 110 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 73 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.538 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.369 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.731 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.315 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.488 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.136 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 999, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Therefore,
...oject deadline, imminent seminar, etc.? Therefore without accessing more detailed informa...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 192, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[1]
Message: The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: 'have'
Suggestion: have
...rkers in other business similarly would had better performance and grow faster. How...
^^^
Line 5, column 232, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: However,
...had better performance and grow faster. However it is not logical to believe that parti...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 523, Rule ID: FEWER_LESS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'fewer'? The noun sleeps is countable.
Suggestion: fewer
...e is some type of works that discourage less sleeps. For example, airport requires t...
^^^^
Line 5, column 772, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Therefore,
...s such as incoming employee may differ. Therefore it is hasty to claim that business need...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 891, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'employees'' or 'employee's'?
Suggestion: employees'; employee's
...p less than six hours regardless of the employees level or type of work that workers shou...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 299, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[2]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'firms'' or 'firm's'?
Suggestion: firms'; firm's
...any other factors that could affect the firms performance. The successful executives ...
^^^^^
Line 9, column 13, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...borate his or her claim. To sum, the authors assumption that business should hire on...
^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 284, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'firms'' or 'firm's'?
Suggestion: firms'; firm's
...he conditions and factors affecting the firms success and employees great performance...
^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, however, if, likewise, may, second, secondly, similarly, so, then, therefore, thus, while, for example, in conclusion, such as, to begin with, what is more
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 18.0 19.6327345309 92% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 26.0 12.9520958084 201% => Less auxiliary verb wanted.
Conjunction : 27.0 11.1786427146 242% => Less conjunction wanted
Relative clauses : 21.0 13.6137724551 154% => OK
Pronoun: 31.0 28.8173652695 108% => OK
Preposition: 70.0 55.5748502994 126% => OK
Nominalization: 19.0 16.3942115768 116% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3174.0 2260.96107784 140% => OK
No of words: 609.0 441.139720559 138% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.2118226601 5.12650576532 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.96768813016 4.56307096286 109% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.63612420151 2.78398813304 95% => OK
Unique words: 261.0 204.123752495 128% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.428571428571 0.468620217663 91% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 962.1 705.55239521 136% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 4.96107784431 40% => OK
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 26.0 19.7664670659 132% => OK
Sentence length: 23.0 22.8473053892 101% => OK
Sentence length SD: 77.9635023091 57.8364921388 135% => OK
Chars per sentence: 122.076923077 119.503703932 102% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.4230769231 23.324526521 100% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.73076923077 5.70786347227 118% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 9.0 5.25449101796 171% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 12.0 8.20758483034 146% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.264075062159 0.218282227539 121% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.079480882066 0.0743258471296 107% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0613495553779 0.0701772020484 87% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.156384601394 0.128457276422 122% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0687450570885 0.0628817314937 109% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.8 14.3799401198 103% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 48.13 48.3550499002 100% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.3 12.197005988 101% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.23 12.5979740519 105% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.91 8.32208582834 95% => OK
difficult_words: 121.0 98.500998004 123% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 12.3882235529 109% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 11.1389221557 101% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.