The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.
"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
The author of the letter has mentioned three similar phenomena among monkeys, infants and mothers, and further inferred that these three similarities demonstrate a scientific insight that the birth order impacts the individual's levels of stimulation. However, all the info presented is based on suspicious assumptions which require further examination.
First, what we are sure from the letter is that the first-born monkey, infant and the first-time mother all have similarly higher hormone cortisol. However, similar outcomes don’t reveal the reason behind. In contrast, it only suggests a potential relation between the birth order and the level of cortisol, but it definitely can’t guarantee the causation between these two factors. There might be other factors to contribute to this outcome, such as the unfamiliarity with the environment, and only by doing more research on other potential influences, can we conclude a relatively convincing statement from solid facts.
Second, the statement explains the phenomena only from the biological perspective that is the changes of cortisol, which is insufficient. As we all know, monkeys and human beings are social animals, and our biological changes can be stimulated from social contexts, such as parental styles, which is not investigated from the letter. Therefore, overly emphasizing the changes of cortisol only from the biology angle makes the statement narrow and shaky. Instead, if the social contexts are also presented and compared as well as leveraging suitable evaluations to confirm the influence of birth order are higher than the social contexts, the conclusion made now may be the same but much stronger and reasonable.
In conclusion, mistaking the relation among phenomena as causation weakens the conclusion of the letter. Moreover, ignorance of the social contexts and narrowly explaining the conditions purely based on the biological view also erodes the credibility of the statement.
Comments
e-rater score report
Out of topic.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ??? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 12 15
No. of Words: 299 350
No. of Characters: 1625 1500
No. of Different Words: 162 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.158 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.435 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.823 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 131 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 104 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 77 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 54 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.917 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.853 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.917 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.362 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.601 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.121 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ons which require further examination. First, what we are sure from the letter ...
^^^
Line 3, column 327, Rule ID: IT_VBZ[1]
Message: Did you mean 'cans'?
Suggestion: cans
...he level of cortisol, but it definitely can’t guarantee the causation between these...
^^^
Line 4, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...convincing statement from solid facts. Second, the statement explains the pheno...
^^^
Line 6, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...same but much stronger and reasonable. In conclusion, mistaking the relation am...
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, however, if, may, moreover, second, similarly, so, therefore, well, in conclusion, in contrast, such as, as well as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 12.0 19.6327345309 61% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 5.0 12.9520958084 39% => OK
Conjunction : 13.0 11.1786427146 116% => OK
Relative clauses : 7.0 13.6137724551 51% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 13.0 28.8173652695 45% => OK
Preposition: 30.0 55.5748502994 54% => More preposition wanted.
Nominalization: 13.0 16.3942115768 79% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1676.0 2260.96107784 74% => OK
No of words: 298.0 441.139720559 68% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.62416107383 5.12650576532 110% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.15483772266 4.56307096286 91% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.9130145553 2.78398813304 105% => OK
Unique words: 167.0 204.123752495 82% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.560402684564 0.468620217663 120% => OK
syllable_count: 518.4 705.55239521 73% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 1.0 4.96107784431 20% => OK
Article: 3.0 8.76447105788 34% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 4.0 1.67365269461 239% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 12.0 19.7664670659 61% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 24.0 22.8473053892 105% => OK
Sentence length SD: 60.7471992953 57.8364921388 105% => OK
Chars per sentence: 139.666666667 119.503703932 117% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.8333333333 23.324526521 106% => OK
Discourse Markers: 11.0833333333 5.70786347227 194% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 5.15768463074 78% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 5.0 8.20758483034 61% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.091612203013 0.218282227539 42% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0306870854118 0.0743258471296 41% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0374029218596 0.0701772020484 53% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0551960590932 0.128457276422 43% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0273876042334 0.0628817314937 44% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 17.5 14.3799401198 122% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 38.66 48.3550499002 80% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.8 12.197005988 113% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 15.61 12.5979740519 124% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 10.23 8.32208582834 123% => OK
difficult_words: 102.0 98.500998004 104% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 12.3882235529 93% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 11.1389221557 104% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.