The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.
"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument
The recent study as mentioned in passage is trying to explain the similarities between the humans and the rhesus monkeys mainly with respect to the effects of birth order on various situations. Few examples stated above suggest few similarities in case of observed situations. For example, both rhesus monkeys and humans shows similar changes in their hormonal levels of cortisol.
The examples stated though have few assumptions which might change in certain situations. First thing will be the monkeys on which the situations are tested. Though enough for primary testing, eighteen monkeys are not enough for complete analysis of any hypothesis. The experimenting organization should not only test it on more number of monkeys but those monkeys should also be from different places and also from different families. This small data set may not give exactly correct information.
Second and most important assumption is about the hormone cortisol. The passage should describe the complete information starting from its origin to effect about the hormone cortisol. Since it is not mentioned in the passage the cortisol may be triggered by many other parameters in those situation, for example in case of monkeys the presence of unfamiliar monkey or in case of humans the return of parents augments the levels of cortisol, but it can be happening due to curiosity or may be horror or may be excitement as long as this increase in cortisol level is non elucidated clearly we cannot completely depend on these observations.
The study also found that the birth order in humans are also have same effect on levels of stimulation but the passage fails to state the results of actual study on the human beings, on whom these situations are tested also what different parameters of humans are included in these results like age, gender, mental situations.
The final statement in this passage states the cortisol level in pregnancy which is not only related to birth order but also lacks examples or well documented, statistical data to prove it right. So the passage should provide more data regarding these situations.
Thus according to me to emphasis the current observations, one should include more number of test samples that is more monkeys, more human beings. They should consider all other parameters regarding these two test samples and try to make the atmosphere of two samples as same as possible. Also the observations should mention all peripheral parameters which might affect the situation level and try to make sure that these situations are tantamount to each other’s.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
flaws:
the arguments are not right on the point. Let's check out a sample:
https://www.testbig.com/story/gre-argument-essay-topic-2-outline
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 419 350
No. of Characters: 2130 1500
No. of Different Words: 193 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.524 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.084 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.604 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 168 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 120 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 76 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 50 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.647 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 17.97 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.765 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.322 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.569 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.11 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 284, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'this situation' or 'those situations'?
Suggestion: this situation; those situations
...e triggered by many other parameters in those situation, for example in case of monkeys the pre...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 62, Rule ID: BEEN_PART_AGREEMENT[2]
Message: Consider using a past participle here: 'had'.
Suggestion: had
...that the birth order in humans are also have same effect on levels of stimulation bu...
^^^^
Line 8, column 190, Rule ID: IT_VBZ[1]
Message: Did you mean 'rights'?
Suggestion: rights
...ocumented, statistical data to prove it right. So the passage should provide more dat...
^^^^^
Line 10, column 290, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Also,
...ere of two samples as same as possible. Also the observations should mention all per...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, if, may, regarding, second, so, thus, well, for example, with respect to
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 18.0 19.6327345309 92% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 16.0 12.9520958084 124% => OK
Conjunction : 14.0 11.1786427146 125% => OK
Relative clauses : 8.0 13.6137724551 59% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 23.0 28.8173652695 80% => OK
Preposition: 60.0 55.5748502994 108% => OK
Nominalization: 11.0 16.3942115768 67% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2184.0 2260.96107784 97% => OK
No of words: 419.0 441.139720559 95% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.21241050119 5.12650576532 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.52432199235 4.56307096286 99% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.71488709232 2.78398813304 98% => OK
Unique words: 198.0 204.123752495 97% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.472553699284 0.468620217663 101% => OK
syllable_count: 688.5 705.55239521 98% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 4.96107784431 40% => OK
Article: 6.0 8.76447105788 68% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 19.7664670659 86% => OK
Sentence length: 24.0 22.8473053892 105% => OK
Sentence length SD: 100.439759701 57.8364921388 174% => OK
Chars per sentence: 128.470588235 119.503703932 108% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.6470588235 23.324526521 106% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.29411764706 5.70786347227 93% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 6.88822355289 15% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 8.0 4.67664670659 171% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.141836202145 0.218282227539 65% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0455763174403 0.0743258471296 61% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0535870975668 0.0701772020484 76% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0805958321462 0.128457276422 63% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0502486622701 0.0628817314937 80% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.4 14.3799401198 107% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 47.12 48.3550499002 97% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.7 12.197005988 104% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.23 12.5979740519 105% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.52 8.32208582834 102% => OK
difficult_words: 98.0 98.500998004 99% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 12.3882235529 65% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 11.1389221557 104% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.