The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.
"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
The prompt states that birth order of a money and human leads the production of a specific hormone in a stimulating environment. It has cited above on the basis of a study which provide indication on the effects of birth order on the stimulation level which in turn encourage the production of a hormone. However, the prompt does not make a cogent case since it is rife with several unstated assumption. Before the prompt can be properly evaluated for the facts, it is necessary to collect and test the following explanations.
First of all, do humans and monkeys comparable? In other words, is it prudent to assume that what has caused first born monkey has also caused the same thing to first born human? It may be specious. For instance it may happen that a first born monkey is stimulated by seeing an unfamiliar monkey for the first time but first born human may not at all stimulated by seeing his parent after a long absence since he left his parents at his will or probably he may be nonchalant when he meets them. Further, it may also happen that monkey and human react in totally opposite manner. For instance, as biological research shows that an infant inherently attached to its biological mother. If it has to follow, then first born human to a surrogate mother and first born monkey to a biological mother may react disparately. If any of the above instances were true, then the explanation does not hold water.
Secondly, do all first time mother monkeys react in the same manner? In other words, is it provident to assume that all first time mother monkey, be it through natural process or in a clinic by a vet, react in the same direction? It may be spurious. For instance, it may likely that first time mother monkey in natural habitat may react with no stimulations but first time mother monkey in a hospital may react offensively. Further, it may also happen that mother of several offspring may react in a most stimulating manner when encounter with the changed situations for the first time such as it has been taken to a hospital by vet because of complications but first time mother monkey may not feel anything apart from continuous sleep and calm because of some medical disorders. If any of the above examples hold merit, then the explanation is significantly weakened.
Thirdly, do the study on eighteen monkeys explain the behaviour of entire species? In other words, is it wise to assume that what has been transpired in the study of eighteen monkeys will continue to hold for the whole species? The results may be misleading. For instance, it may happen that this study was conducted in controlled environment with added medications and vaccinations which may pushed these monkeys to react in a desired manner. The result may be different when such study would be conducted for large number of monkeys in a natural habitat. Further, the explanation also must be sought on the environment under which this study was conducted. Since, it may happen that these results may not be replicated when same method would apply on the monkeys living in the jungles or, perhaps when these monkeys are living in a frigid environment since the research has shown that in a below freeze environment stimulation of any kind is futile due to inert state of blood cells to maintain the heat in the body. Unless the explanation is reliable and widely tested, it is not possible to effectively support it.
The prompt as it stands now, is completely flawed because of its reliance on several unwarranted assumptions. If the scientist are able to produce more explanations, perhaps in the form of large number of monkeys studied in different environment for a longer duration, then it is possible to fully evaluate viability of the explanation.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
samples:
https://www.testbig.com/story/gre-argument-essay-topic-2-outline
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This essay is not about arguments, but 'discuss one or more alternative explanations'
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 2.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 28 15
No. of Words: 648 350
No. of Characters: 3051 1500
No. of Different Words: 250 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 5.045 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.708 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.612 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 211 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 146 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 96 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 66 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.143 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 15.471 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.821 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.304 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.481 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.112 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 405, Rule ID: HE_THE[1]
Message: Did you mean 'since the left'?
Suggestion: since the left
... seeing his parent after a long absence since he left his parents at his will or probably he ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 424, Rule ID: IN_A_X_MANNER[1]
Message: Consider replacing "in a desired manner" with adverb for "desired"; eg, "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
...which may pushed these monkeys to react in a desired manner. The result may be different when such ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, however, if, may, second, secondly, so, then, third, thirdly, apart from, as to, for instance, such as, first of all, in other words
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 29.0 19.6327345309 148% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 25.0 12.9520958084 193% => OK
Conjunction : 14.0 11.1786427146 125% => OK
Relative clauses : 21.0 13.6137724551 154% => OK
Pronoun: 47.0 28.8173652695 163% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 89.0 55.5748502994 160% => OK
Nominalization: 25.0 16.3942115768 152% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3122.0 2260.96107784 138% => OK
No of words: 648.0 441.139720559 147% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.81790123457 5.12650576532 94% => OK
Fourth root words length: 5.04537849152 4.56307096286 111% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.69643591643 2.78398813304 97% => OK
Unique words: 261.0 204.123752495 128% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.402777777778 0.468620217663 86% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 981.0 705.55239521 139% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 10.0 4.96107784431 202% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 6.0 8.76447105788 68% => OK
Subordination: 7.0 2.70958083832 258% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 28.0 19.7664670659 142% => OK
Sentence length: 23.0 22.8473053892 101% => OK
Sentence length SD: 85.761296632 57.8364921388 148% => OK
Chars per sentence: 111.5 119.503703932 93% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.1428571429 23.324526521 99% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.35714285714 5.70786347227 94% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 8.20758483034 158% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 6.88822355289 29% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 13.0 4.67664670659 278% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.140766496199 0.218282227539 64% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0470047077443 0.0743258471296 63% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0472925942315 0.0701772020484 67% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0919562732961 0.128457276422 72% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.046067963245 0.0628817314937 73% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.8 14.3799401198 89% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 56.59 48.3550499002 117% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.1 12.197005988 91% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.97 12.5979740519 87% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.95 8.32208582834 96% => OK
difficult_words: 130.0 98.500998004 132% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 12.3882235529 93% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 11.1389221557 101% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Rates: 54.17 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.25 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.