The following appeared as a recommendation by a committee planning a ten-year budget for the city of Calatrava.
"The birthrate in our city is declining: in fact, last year's birthrate was only one-half that of five years ago. Thus the number of students enrolled in our public schools will soon decrease dramatically, and we can safely reduce the funds budgeted for education during the next decade. At the same time, we can reduce funding for athletic playing fields and other recreational facilities. As a result, we will have sufficient money to fund city facilities and programs used primarily by adults, since we can expect the adult population of the city to increase."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The recommendation by a committee planning a ten year’s budget for the city of Clakatrava is impractical, unwise and short sighted. The argument is based on unstated assumptions and without supported by evidence, this argument does not contain water.
First of all, the committee are assuming the birthday of the city is declining by viewing the fact from that of five years ago. They conclude that the number of students enrolled in their public school will decrease dramatically by viewing the birth rate of last year which was half of that the birth rate of five years ago. The committee fails to provide any statistical data regarding the birthrate of the city of last five years. It is not mentioned in the argument regarding the birthrate of the city except from the last years. It may be possible that actually the birthrate of the city of last year is half that of five years ago but it may be possible due to epidemic disease spread inside the city. Therefore, the parents are decided not to have babies on that havoc situation and may going to plan this year. The argument fails to provide evidence regarding the immigrants people within the city in coming years. The number of student enrolled may increase in public schools from the student of immigrants. The argument should be backup by these evidence to give any conclusive decision regarding the enrollment of students.
Secondly, the committee decided to reduce the funds budgeted for education during the next decade which seems implausible. Without backing up the evidences, the committee harshly jumps into the conclusion of the number of student’s enrollment decreases drastically. The committee’s prediction of decreasing number of student’s is backed up only by the birthrate of last year. What happens if the birthrate of child increases from this year now? This situation will create havoc in student for their enrollment in school and they fail to get admission inside school. The education level will decrease drastically inside committee school and the student fail to compete in global market.
Thirdly, the committee planning member decided to decrease the funding for athletic playing fields and other recreational facilities. How is it logical to connect the birthrate with the funding in athletic fields and other recreational facilities? There are others middle age population ranging in different age group who are fund of athletic and recreational games. The argument fails to accumulate the age groups of middle age population. It is reckless to consider only children population and adult aged population and ignoring middle aged population.
Moreover, the committee is expecting the adult aged population to increase. The argument fails to provide any relevant data regarding the increase in adult aged population group. It may be possible that the most of the adult aged population wants to live in pastoral life after retirement. It may be possible that the most of the middle aged group are from rural areas and will return to same idyllic life after the retirement from the job. The argument fails to differentiate between middle aged population and old aged population. The argument only considers the population from the old aged group and named it as adult aged group. The committee members want to increase funds in cities facilities and programming. They fail to provide any description plans regarding their investment in cities facilities as well as programming. Actually, their increment facilities will interest the adult aged population or not; either they may prefer to live within family environment supporting their children and loved ones. All these factors should be considered before coming to provide any definitive plans.
In conclusion, the argument as it stands now is full of unwarranted assumptions. The argument must be backed up by series of evidences in the form of systematic research to provide any details regarding the decrease in the enrollment programs in public school in coming years.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 15 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 6 2
No. of Sentences: 34 15
No. of Words: 649 350
No. of Characters: 3312 1500
No. of Different Words: 241 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 5.047 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.103 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.712 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 248 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 191 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 153 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 97 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.088 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.051 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.559 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.292 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.503 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.152 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 1018, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...chools from the student of immigrants. The argument should be backup by these evid...
^^^
Line 7, column 319, Rule ID: WHO_NOUN[1]
Message: A noun should not follow "who". Try changing to a verb or maybe to 'who is a are'.
Suggestion: who is a are
...pulation ranging in different age group who are fund of athletic and recreational games...
^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 635, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...group and named it as adult aged group. The committee members want to increase fund...
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, but, first, if, may, moreover, regarding, second, secondly, therefore, third, thirdly, well, in conclusion, as well as, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 23.0 19.6327345309 117% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 12.9520958084 116% => OK
Conjunction : 17.0 11.1786427146 152% => OK
Relative clauses : 11.0 13.6137724551 81% => OK
Pronoun: 32.0 28.8173652695 111% => OK
Preposition: 112.0 55.5748502994 202% => Less preposition wanted.
Nominalization: 42.0 16.3942115768 256% => Less nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3387.0 2260.96107784 150% => OK
No of words: 649.0 441.139720559 147% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.218798151 5.12650576532 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 5.04732388556 4.56307096286 111% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.7932926538 2.78398813304 100% => OK
Unique words: 256.0 204.123752495 125% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.394453004622 0.468620217663 84% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 1057.5 705.55239521 150% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 10.0 4.96107784431 202% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 21.0 8.76447105788 240% => Less articles wanted as sentence beginning.
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 34.0 19.7664670659 172% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 22.8473053892 83% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 31.872855108 57.8364921388 55% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 99.6176470588 119.503703932 83% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.0882352941 23.324526521 82% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.17647058824 5.70786347227 73% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 16.0 6.88822355289 232% => Less negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 10.0 4.67664670659 214% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.292418754108 0.218282227539 134% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0857811718585 0.0743258471296 115% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.101171990177 0.0701772020484 144% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.158471439598 0.128457276422 123% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.140791640031 0.0628817314937 224% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.7 14.3799401198 88% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 52.19 48.3550499002 108% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 12.197005988 88% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.0 12.5979740519 103% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.79 8.32208582834 94% => OK
difficult_words: 132.0 98.500998004 134% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 12.3882235529 109% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.1389221557 86% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.