The following is a memo from the marketing director of Lamfonz Pet Stores, which operates thirty pet stores worldwide.
“Five years ago, our competitor Fish Emporium started advertising in Exotic Pets Monthly magazine. Their sales overall have seen a steady increase of 3-to-5 percent per year since then. In fact, the Fish Emporium store in Gulf City saw even more remarkable gains, becoming the most visited pet store in the United States last year. Meanwhile, our two Lamfonz stores in Gulf City have seen sales steadily decline during the same period. It seems clear that we should immediately begin placing our own ads in Exotic Pets Monthly and other popular pet magazines. If we do so, we will be sure to reverse this recent trend of declining sales and start making a profit again.”
It is always pertinent to consider steps taken by rivals particularly when we are dealing in marketing. Unsurprisingly, the marketing director of Lamfonz Pet Stores tried to do the same. Unfortunately, the assumptions he consider while forwarding the decision looks specious and needs more evidences to support the basic point.
The assertion in the beginning of the statement is mentioned without providing its source, thus, making its authenticity questionable. The author tried to corelate the two things, in the sense that the sales of Fish emporium enhanced due to the advertisement in the Exotic Pets magazine. The first thing becomes the cause for the latter. However, the causation has not been explained with anything. It would be better if there is an evidence in the form of any reliable study or report which can show that by considering other things being same, the rise is directly related to the step taken in publishing the advertisement in that particular monthly publication. Being this thing becomes questionable, it affects the whole argument.
Moving further, the director revealed the fact that the rival's store in Gulf City has experienced significant profits and also became the first priority among the visitors of the whole country. Simultaneously, it is also stated that two stores of the Lamfonz Pet company, contrastly, saw gradual decline during that duration of time. There is no clear connection of the above statements with the main point, that is, publication in the monthly magazine. It is likely that sales of these stores performed that due to other factors like the staff of the Director's company underperformed in convincing the customers whereas their counterparts of other organisation did the vice versa. It is also possible that there was more variety of products and their easy availability played the role in enhancing the rival's sales of these stores.
Nonetheless, the writer concluded the argument by proposing to place their advertisement in that particular magazine and other similar publications and falsely hoped that the decision will reverse the trend. Without finding the exact cause, it is always dangerous to prescribe a medicine. There is a need to do research first to know that is it really worthy to invest in these publications. It is necessary to find that whether these magazines have enough reach to the target audience of this companies product. It cannot be ignored that the other company deal with costly products and the reach of these magazines are the opulent customers. Unfortunately, if the director's company cater to low or middle income customers, then, the proposed action can backfire the company.
Therefore, without providing adequate evidences, the statement looks fallacious and the suggested decision looks immature from the director of such a big firm. There is need to collect information to analyse the exact trend and to know the real facts. Infact, by hiring any data analytic firm, the company can reach at a wiser decision because informed decision is much safer than the one which is based on just assumptions.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 6 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 500 350
No. of Characters: 2555 1500
No. of Different Words: 257 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.729 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.11 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.8 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 181 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 146 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 105 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 66 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.739 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.709 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.565 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.259 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.483 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.046 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 222, Rule ID: HE_VERB_AGR[1]
Message: The pronoun 'he' must be used with a third-person verb: 'considers'.
Suggestion: considers
...same. Unfortunately, the assumptions he consider while forwarding the decision looks spe...
^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 289, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...ertisement in the Exotic Pets magazine. The first thing becomes the cause for the l...
^^^
Line 7, column 495, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[2]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'companies'' or 'company's'?
Suggestion: companies'; company's
...gh reach to the target audience of this companies product. It cannot be ignored that the ...
^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, first, however, if, look, nonetheless, really, so, then, therefore, thus, whereas, while
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 24.0 19.6327345309 122% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 12.9520958084 62% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 11.1786427146 89% => OK
Relative clauses : 18.0 13.6137724551 132% => OK
Pronoun: 39.0 28.8173652695 135% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 65.0 55.5748502994 117% => OK
Nominalization: 17.0 16.3942115768 104% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2609.0 2260.96107784 115% => OK
No of words: 500.0 441.139720559 113% => OK
Chars per words: 5.218 5.12650576532 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.72870804502 4.56307096286 104% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.8879688364 2.78398813304 104% => OK
Unique words: 269.0 204.123752495 132% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.538 0.468620217663 115% => OK
syllable_count: 828.0 705.55239521 117% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 10.0 4.96107784431 202% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 12.0 8.76447105788 137% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 19.7664670659 116% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 52.8151894288 57.8364921388 91% => OK
Chars per sentence: 113.434782609 119.503703932 95% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.7391304348 23.324526521 93% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.08695652174 5.70786347227 72% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 5.15768463074 78% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.179873342635 0.218282227539 82% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0457374556596 0.0743258471296 62% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0677625492774 0.0701772020484 97% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.106703636436 0.128457276422 83% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0326333582829 0.0628817314937 52% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.0 14.3799401198 97% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 41.7 48.3550499002 86% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.7 12.197005988 104% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.0 12.5979740519 103% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.13 8.32208582834 110% => OK
difficult_words: 141.0 98.500998004 143% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.5 12.3882235529 69% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.