The following is a memo from the marketing director of Lamfonz Pet Stores which operates thirty pet stores worldwide Five years ago our competitor Fish Emporium started advertising in Exotic Pets Monthly magazine Their sales overall have seen a steady inc | TOEFL IELTS GMAT GRE SAT ACT PTE ESL

Essay topics:

The following is a memo from the marketing director of Lamfonz Pet Stores, which operates thirty pet stores worldwide.: “Five years ago, our competitor Fish Emporium started advertising in Exotic Pets Monthly magazine. Their sales overall have seen a steady increase of 3-to-5 percent per year since then. In fact, the Fish Emporium store in Gulf City saw even more remarkable gains, becoming the most visited pet store in the United States last year. Meanwhile, our two Lamfonz stores in Gulf City have seen sales steadily decline during the same period. It seems clear that we should immediately begin placing our own ads in Exotic Pets Monthly and other popular pet magazines. If we do so, we will be sure to reverse this recent trend of declining sales and start making a profit again.”

The argument mentions that few years ago, their competitor started advertising their fishing stores in monthly pets magazine. Since then, their sale have increased and the author of the argument take as an example the case of the store in Gulf City that became the most visited pet store in the United States last year. The author, also, compare his store to the competitor in the same city and same periods and mentions that his stores have shown a steadily decline. Therefore, the author mentions that he should start placing their own ads in the same pets magazine and others same type of magazine and thus, making profit again. However, it is easy to see that the argument suffer from several fallacies in its assumptions.
To begin with, the author start directly to compare his pet store to a fish store and mentions that since the advertise of the fish store in the pets magazine, their sale became to increase. The author assume that those are directly linked but it is possible that people are more interested by buying fish then other pets. Fish are smaller and easier to live than, for example, a dog or a cat. Thus, people are possibly more interested by pet that are more practicable to live .
In addition , the argument mentions that their competitor, fish stores, has become the most visited pet store in the united states in their shop in Gulf City. By saying that, the author assume that their title has came because of their advertising in the Exotic pets monthly magazine but it is just possible that their competitor has less stores in the world and more in the United States. The author, the owner of the pets stores , operates in thirty stores in the world and therefore, it is possible that there is just few in the US that don’t attract American people that much.
Overall, the argument is far from forceful enough to persuade that by advertising their pets stores in the Exotic pets monthly magazine or others pets magazine, the owner will start to make profits again.

Votes

Essay Categories

GMAT/GRE Argument Task

Comments

Essay evaluations by e-grader

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 449, Rule ID: A_RB_NN[1]
Message: You used an adverb ('steadily') instead an adjective, or a noun ('decline') instead of another adjective.
...and mentions that his stores have shown a steadily decline. Therefore, the author mentions that he...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 107, Rule ID: A_INFINITVE[1]
Message: Probably a wrong construction: a/the + infinitive
...to a fish store and mentions that since the advertise of the fish store in the pets magazine,...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 146, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[2]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'pets'' or 'pet's'?
Suggestion: pets'; pet's
... the advertise of the fish store in the pets magazine, their sale became to increase...
^^^^
Line 2, column 203, Rule ID: MASS_AGREEMENT[2]
Message: Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: 'assumes'.
Suggestion: assumes
...eir sale became to increase. The author assume that those are directly linked but it i...
^^^^^^
Line 2, column 477, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...by pet that are more practicable to live . In addition , the argument mentions ...
^^
Line 3, column 12, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...more practicable to live . In addition , the argument mentions that their compe...
^^
Line 3, column 14, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...re practicable to live . In addition , the argument mentions that their competi...
^^
Line 3, column 216, Rule ID: HAVE_PART_AGREEMENT[1]
Message: Use past participle here: 'come'.
Suggestion: come
... the author assume that their title has came because of their advertising in the Exo...
^^^^
Line 3, column 336, Rule ID: FEWER_LESS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'fewer'? The noun stores is countable.
Suggestion: fewer
...just possible that their competitor has less stores in the world and more in the Un...
^^^^
Line 3, column 350, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...that their competitor has less stores in the world and more in the United States....
^^
Line 3, column 433, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...The author, the owner of the pets stores , operates in thirty stores in the world ...
^^
Line 3, column 584, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...on’t attract American people that much. Overall, the argument is far from forcef...
^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, however, so, then, therefore, thus, for example, in addition, to begin with

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 11.0 19.6327345309 56% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 2.0 12.9520958084 15% => OK
Conjunction : 13.0 11.1786427146 116% => OK
Relative clauses : 17.0 13.6137724551 125% => OK
Pronoun: 39.0 28.8173652695 135% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 43.0 55.5748502994 77% => OK
Nominalization: 6.0 16.3942115768 37% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1652.0 2260.96107784 73% => OK
No of words: 349.0 441.139720559 79% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.7335243553 5.12650576532 92% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.32221490584 4.56307096286 95% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.26788546752 2.78398813304 81% => OK
Unique words: 145.0 204.123752495 71% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.41547277937 0.468620217663 89% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 528.3 705.55239521 75% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 12.0 8.76447105788 137% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 13.0 19.7664670659 66% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 26.0 22.8473053892 114% => OK
Sentence length SD: 47.8324244462 57.8364921388 83% => OK
Chars per sentence: 127.076923077 119.503703932 106% => OK
Words per sentence: 26.8461538462 23.324526521 115% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.61538461538 5.70786347227 116% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 5.15768463074 78% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 12.0 5.25449101796 228% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 8.20758483034 122% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 6.88822355289 29% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.67664670659 21% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.421932088877 0.218282227539 193% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.17669048987 0.0743258471296 238% => Sentence topic similarity is high.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.121690679375 0.0701772020484 173% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.301744684035 0.128457276422 235% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0431177996877 0.0628817314937 69% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.3 14.3799401198 99% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 53.55 48.3550499002 111% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.3 12.197005988 101% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.45 12.5979740519 83% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.32 8.32208582834 88% => OK
difficult_words: 53.0 98.500998004 54% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 12.3882235529 109% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.4 11.1389221557 111% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.

Essay evaluations by e-grader

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, however, so, then, therefore, thus, for example, in addition, to begin with

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments