In the memorandum, the president of Primo Doll Manufacturing Incorporation concludes that, by the this year, the company's profit will surpluses those of Optima Doll Manufacturing, their most successful rival, as they will use higher quality materials, which are currently used by Optima Doll Manufacturing, to produce more long-lasting version of the most popular company's doll named Elkie. The president has decided to change to improve the raw materials of this doll based on the result of a survey that shows parent's dissatisfaction with Elkie's longevity. Nonetheless, while the conclusion drawn by the author might hold water, it rests on several unfounded assumptions, that if not substantiated, dramatically weaken the persuasiveness of the argument. Thus, the following three questions must be addressed.
First of all, does this improvement have any effect on the price of the doll? In the survey, parents talked about only the options and durability of the Elkie, but they did not mention the price. This might happen because they were completely satisfied with the price. If this change results in higher price of the Elkie, which is likely to happen, the parents might not buy Elkie as it is no more affordable. If this scenario has merit, the president's conclusion is significantly hampered because it excludes the change in the price of Elkie.
Secondly, do parents suggest their friend to buy the dolls made in Optima Doll Manufacturing? As it seems, the parents did not mention any kind of doll or any manufacturer in the survey. They just told that they recommended their friends to buy dolls which are more lasting than Elkie. It might be possible that those dolls are manufactured by other companies than Optima Doll Manufacturing, which apparently are ignored by the president. The argument does not hold water if the above is true.
Finally, is more selling is the only reason for higher profit of Optima Doll Manufacturing? The higher profit rate of this company could be due to other factors, for instance high range between manufacturing cost and the selling price of their dolls due to optimal manufacturing method that company uses. Even it is possible that the manager or managers of Optima company has made better investment than the manager or managers of Primo company. If it is true that the difference between these two companies profit stems from different sources, the credibility of the writer's claim decreases substantially.
To recapitulate, it is possible that increase in quality of Elkie and replacement of Elkie by Elkie-Advance, which is made out of higher quality materials, provide Primo company a vast amount of profit that by this year they will outcompete their most important competitor, Optima company. Nevertheless, as it stands now, the argument relies on three unanswered questions that render its conclusion unpersuasive at best and specious at worst. Therefore, the writer must provide answers to the following three questions: does the increase in price have any influence on selling rate of Elkie-Advanced?, do parents recommended buying dolls that are manufactured by Optima corporation?, and the quality of dolls and selling rate is the only source of difference between two companies various profit rate?
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 523 350
No. of Characters: 2685 1500
No. of Different Words: 220 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.782 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.134 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.885 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 187 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 143 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 94 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 76 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.905 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 13.252 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.714 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.313 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.531 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.065 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 95, Rule ID: DT_DT[2]
Message: Maybe you need to remove the second determiner so that only 'the' or 'this' is left.
Suggestion: the; this
...turing Incorporation concludes that, by the this year, the companys profit will surpluse...
^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 135, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[1]
Message: The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: 'surplus'
Suggestion: surplus
...the this year, the companys profit will surpluses those of Optima Doll Manufacturing, the...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 443, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'presidents'' or 'president's'?
Suggestion: presidents'; president's
...rdable. If this scenario has merit, the presidents conclusion is significantly hampered be...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 171, Rule ID: HE_VERB_AGR[8]
Message: The proper name in singular (Primo) must be used with a third-person verb: 'companies'.
Suggestion: companies
...higher quality materials, provide Primo company a vast amount of profit that by this ye...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
apparently, but, finally, first, if, nevertheless, nonetheless, second, secondly, so, therefore, thus, while, for instance, kind of, first of all, it is true
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 20.0 19.6327345309 102% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 12.9520958084 77% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 11.1786427146 89% => OK
Relative clauses : 17.0 13.6137724551 125% => OK
Pronoun: 44.0 28.8173652695 153% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 66.0 55.5748502994 119% => OK
Nominalization: 16.0 16.3942115768 98% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2752.0 2260.96107784 122% => OK
No of words: 523.0 441.139720559 119% => OK
Chars per words: 5.26195028681 5.12650576532 103% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.78217453174 4.56307096286 105% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.99745135084 2.78398813304 108% => OK
Unique words: 228.0 204.123752495 112% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.435946462715 0.468620217663 93% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 858.6 705.55239521 122% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 12.0 8.76447105788 137% => OK
Subordination: 7.0 2.70958083832 258% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 19.7664670659 106% => OK
Sentence length: 24.0 22.8473053892 105% => OK
Sentence length SD: 90.1023857026 57.8364921388 156% => OK
Chars per sentence: 131.047619048 119.503703932 110% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.9047619048 23.324526521 107% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.47619047619 5.70786347227 131% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 8.20758483034 158% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.302399929813 0.218282227539 139% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0949999807485 0.0743258471296 128% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0802699997331 0.0701772020484 114% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.186891626409 0.128457276422 145% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0871186010826 0.0628817314937 139% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.8 14.3799401198 110% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 47.12 48.3550499002 97% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.7 12.197005988 104% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.52 12.5979740519 107% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.18 8.32208582834 98% => OK
difficult_words: 111.0 98.500998004 113% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 19.5 12.3882235529 157% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 11.1389221557 104% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.