The Diord Corporation Human Resources Manager links the observations seen in Tobor Technologies mental illness campaign to reduce sick days, to their own company and makes the suggestion that Diord adopts a similar strategy in order to decrease the employee absentces and increase the companies productivity. Although the reports from Tobor are promising and seem sound, the recommendation by the Diord's Human Resources Manager relies on several assumptions.
The first assumption that the Manager fails to address is that the Tobor and Diord company operates the same causing their numbers to similar. In order to directly compare Tobor report that mental illness was a considerable portion of their employees sick days, Diord must make a direct comparison of the two work environments must be made. If it is found that unlike their own company, Tobor employees are operating in a high stress environment or they have a little resources such as lounges or break rooms where they can take breaks from their work, then the amount of metal illness accounts for the companies sick days may be disparate. If this type of enviroment is not found in Diord, then it calls into question if Diord has the same rate of mental illness sick days as Tobor and if they face a challenge at all.
Diord must also make a closer examination of the amount the Tobor employees utilize their new benefits. Although it is reported that new insurance benefits and on-site psychologist are present, the manager's report does not include if these recourses were taken advantage of. If not, then these two changes that are recommended are moot, and it calls into question if Tobor conducted any other changes to their company that resulted in the decrease in sick days. Furthermore even if the two initatives were used, the recommendation fails to report if their was a decrease in mental illness sick days, instead of physical health sick days.
This leads to another large assumption made in this recommendation, that the reduction of Tobor sick days were a direct result of the two new additions. Since the location of the companies is not disclosed it cannot be assumed that the two companies exist in the same region and face the same environment. If Tobor was located in a different location, then the decrease in sick days maybe be a result of a less severe flu season, a warmer winter, or any environmental factor that Diord did not face. A change in the environment causing less physical or mental illness sick days is especially plausible, since the reported data from Tobor only covers data from one year and does not demonstrate a steady and continuing trend. Without these concideration it is irresponsible for Diord to view the reduction of sick days at Tobor as a success story that should be mirrored.
In conclusion the recommendation by Diord's HR Manager is riddled with assumptions. It fails to compared the natural and work environments between Diord and Tobor, as well as investigate the usage of Tobor's new programs. Without these assumptions address it is unjustified for the Diord Corp to undertake these initatives and poor money into a program that is too new to demonstrate lasting success.
Essay evaluation report
Sentence: The Diord Corporation Human Resources Manager links the observations seen in Tobor Technologies mental illness campaign to reduce sick days, to their own company and makes the suggestion that Diord adopts a similar strategy in order to decrease the employee absentces and increase the companies productivity.
Error: absentces Suggestion: absences
Sentence: If this type of enviroment is not found in Diord, then it calls into question if Diord has the same rate of mental illness sick days as Tobor and if they face a challenge at all.
Error: enviroment Suggestion: environment
Sentence: Although it is reported that new insurance benefits and on-site psychologist are present, the manager's report does not include if these recourses were taken advantage of.
Error: recourses Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: Furthermore even if the two initatives were used, the recommendation fails to report if their was a decrease in mental illness sick days, instead of physical health sick days.
Error: initatives Suggestion: initiatives
Sentence: Without these concideration it is irresponsible for Diord to view the reduction of sick days at Tobor as a success story that should be mirrored.
Error: concideration Suggestion: consideration
Sentence: Without these assumptions address it is unjustified for the Diord Corp to undertake these initatives and poor money into a program that is too new to demonstrate lasting success.
Error: initatives Suggestion: initiatives
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flaws:
some duplicates in the arguments. Need to argue against the conclusion always. For this topic it is:
These measures will surely reduce employee absenteeism and cause an increase in productivity.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 6 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 534 350
No. of Characters: 2622 1500
No. of Different Words: 224 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.807 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.91 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.749 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 174 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 140 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 92 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 65 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 29.667 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.522 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.556 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.363 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.571 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.09 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 286, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[2]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'companies'' or 'company's'?
Suggestion: companies'; company's
...the employee absentces and increase the companies productivity. Although the reports from...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 342, Rule ID: PROGRESSIVE_VERBS[1]
Message: This verb is normally not used in the progressive form. Try a simple form instead.
...tivity. Although the reports from Tobor are promising and seem sound, the recommendation by t...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 469, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[2]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'resource'?
Suggestion: resource
...tress environment or they have a little resources such as lounges or break rooms where th...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 463, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Furthermore,
... resulted in the decrease in sick days. Furthermore even if the two initatives were used, t...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, first, furthermore, if, may, so, then, well, as to, in conclusion, such as, as well as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 26.0 19.6327345309 132% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 7.0 12.9520958084 54% => OK
Conjunction : 17.0 11.1786427146 152% => OK
Relative clauses : 14.0 13.6137724551 103% => OK
Pronoun: 40.0 28.8173652695 139% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 60.0 55.5748502994 108% => OK
Nominalization: 22.0 16.3942115768 134% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2669.0 2260.96107784 118% => OK
No of words: 534.0 441.139720559 121% => OK
Chars per words: 4.99812734082 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.80712388197 4.56307096286 105% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.79125802303 2.78398813304 100% => OK
Unique words: 233.0 204.123752495 114% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.436329588015 0.468620217663 93% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 832.5 705.55239521 118% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 9.0 2.70958083832 332% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 8.0 4.22255489022 189% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 18.0 19.7664670659 91% => OK
Sentence length: 29.0 22.8473053892 127% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 55.5252417296 57.8364921388 96% => OK
Chars per sentence: 148.277777778 119.503703932 124% => OK
Words per sentence: 29.6666666667 23.324526521 127% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.11111111111 5.70786347227 90% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 5.0 8.20758483034 61% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 11.0 6.88822355289 160% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.315655027099 0.218282227539 145% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.110469792326 0.0743258471296 149% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0616845177505 0.0701772020484 88% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.196750882098 0.128457276422 153% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0585213955905 0.0628817314937 93% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 17.0 14.3799401198 118% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 42.04 48.3550499002 87% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 14.6 12.197005988 120% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.31 12.5979740519 98% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.48 8.32208582834 102% => OK
difficult_words: 115.0 98.500998004 117% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 13.6 11.1389221557 122% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.