The following recommendation appeared in a memo from the mayor of the town of Hopewell.
"Two years ago, the nearby town of Ocean View built a new municipal golf course and resort hotel. During the past two years, tourism in Ocean View has increased, new businesses have opened there, and Ocean View's tax revenues have risen by 30 percent. Therefore, the best way to improve Hopewell's economy — and generate additional tax revenues — is to build a golf course and resort hotel similar to those in Ocean View."
The prompt stated a memo from the mayor of the town of Hopewell, recommending that the town should build a golf course and resort hotel. This suggestion is based on the report that Ocean View experienced a 30 percent increase in tax revenue. However, the proposition is flawed because of three reasons.
First, it is unclear whether the increased of tax revenues in Ocean View was an effect of the new golf course or hotel. It is mentioned that new business were opening. However, it was not implicitly indicated that it was due to the building project. Yes, many businesses are attracted to consumer traffic; and it is exactly what the golf course and hotel are providing. On the other hand, it can also be true that the consumer traffic of these places low and the revenue is mainly coming from the locals that are intrigued by the new businesses.
Second, we do not know whether Hopewell have sufficient land mass or environment to accommodate the new course and hotel. For example, if the town are saturated with skyscrapers, building a golf course around it would not be recommendable. It can be dangerous for the neighboring buildings if a golf ball suddenly went off the course. Further, provided that there is no enough land, then the government must sacrifice something in order to make room. For instance, the government can choose to build the hotel on top of a city park. Doing so contributes to loss of greenery which can negatively affect the esthetic of the place.
Third, even if we have given the benefit of the doubt to the recommendation, it cannot be determined that new businesses will start coming into Hopewell. Many believe that successful business started off with performing an appropriate market research. The strategy was beneficial for attracting businesses to Ocean View. However, Hopewell can have a different demographics. Hence, not all businesses can flourish in the city. For instance, if there aren’t many European gastronomy enthusiast in the city. As a result, it is unlikely for restaurants alike to be built.
For the reasons above, the memo from the mayor contained flawed arguments. Therefore, we need to address these assumptions to strengthen proposition.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 369 350
No. of Characters: 1783 1500
No. of Different Words: 190 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.383 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.832 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.755 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 122 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 95 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 72 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 49 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 16.043 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.403 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.696 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.261 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.475 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.071 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Thank you
Thank you
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 7, column 361, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[2]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'demographic'?
Suggestion: demographic
... However, Hopewell can have a different demographics. Hence, not all businesses can flourish...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, hence, however, if, may, second, so, then, therefore, third, thus, well, for example, for instance, as a result, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 22.0 19.6327345309 112% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 12.0 12.9520958084 93% => OK
Conjunction : 7.0 11.1786427146 63% => OK
Relative clauses : 10.0 13.6137724551 73% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 25.0 28.8173652695 87% => OK
Preposition: 39.0 55.5748502994 70% => OK
Nominalization: 9.0 16.3942115768 55% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1846.0 2260.96107784 82% => OK
No of words: 368.0 441.139720559 83% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.01630434783 5.12650576532 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.37987740619 4.56307096286 96% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.86077685029 2.78398813304 103% => OK
Unique words: 196.0 204.123752495 96% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.532608695652 0.468620217663 114% => OK
syllable_count: 573.3 705.55239521 81% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 10.0 4.96107784431 202% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 5.0 8.76447105788 57% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 1.0 4.22255489022 24% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 19.7664670659 116% => OK
Sentence length: 16.0 22.8473053892 70% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 32.8829625331 57.8364921388 57% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 80.2608695652 119.503703932 67% => OK
Words per sentence: 16.0 23.324526521 69% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.4347826087 5.70786347227 113% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 9.0 4.67664670659 192% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.232683882472 0.218282227539 107% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0619799872713 0.0743258471296 83% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0771330437123 0.0701772020484 110% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.136162634891 0.128457276422 106% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0845500390004 0.0628817314937 134% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 10.2 14.3799401198 71% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 55.24 48.3550499002 114% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.5 12.197005988 78% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.54 12.5979740519 92% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.38 8.32208582834 101% => OK
difficult_words: 92.0 98.500998004 93% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 7.0 12.3882235529 57% => Linsear_write_formula is low.
gunning_fog: 8.4 11.1389221557 75% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 11.9071856287 84% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.