The following is a recommendation from the business manager of Monarch Books.
"Since its opening in Collegeville twenty years ago, Monarch Books has developed a large
customer base due to its reader-friendly atmosphere and wide selection of books on all
subjects. Last month, Book and Bean, a combination bookstore and coffee shop, announced
its intention to open a Collegeville store. Monarch Books should open its own in-store café in
the space currently devoted to children's books. Given recent national census data indicating a
significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten, sales of children's books
are likely to decline. By replacing its children's books section with a café, Monarch Books
can increase profits and ward off competition from Book and Bean."
On the ground of the recommendation of the business manager of Monarch Books, Opening own in-store coffee in the space currently where used to sell children’s books, which will increase profits and ward off competition from Book and Bean. Although the author has provided some information and surveys to substantiate the conclusion, it still contains some flaws and questions that need some evidence to solve them and guarantee the recommendation’s authority.
Firstly, the author claims that the declination of the national census data of population under age ten might cause the same decline in Collegeville. However,there is no relationship between of them, for example, even if the national data is declining currently, but the significant increase of the children under age ten has happened in Collegeville, even it occupied a large market, therefore, if the Monarch Books conceals the space of children’s book and construct a in-store coffee instead, which the bookstore will lose many customers and have no profit, even go bankrupt. In a nutshell, the author should make sufficient marketing survey about the population under age ten in Collegeville to sustain the conclusion hold water.
Secondly, the author mentioned that the Monarch books have opened twenty years and developed a large customer due to the reader-friendly atmosphere and wide selection of books on all subjects, if the manager arbitrarily supersedes the space of the children’s book, it might destroy the reader-friendly demonstration because probably most of people are likely to immerse themselves in the oceans of the books, and the feature of the wide selection of books is the biggest advantage in the fierce competition, just simply canceling the children book without considering the attitude of customers to the decision, which must be a bad impact to the bookstore.
Finally, even if these possible assumptions are excluded that I mentioned, another question that endanger the conclusion’s reliability still exists. The author assumes that the decision is for making more profits and ward off competition from Book and Beans, but the decisions might be unnecessary because the Book and Beans has a different economic and financial mode of the in-store coffee as the major profit rather than the books selling , which is different from the Monarch Books. Therefore the bookstore actually don’t need to consider this decision to deal with a opponent who just exists in own imagination.
Consequently, this conclusion still contains a lot of questions and alternative assumption, which undermine the its accuracy and reliability, the author should corroborate these assumptions before the decision are executed.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 11 15
No. of Words: 421 350
No. of Characters: 2233 1500
No. of Different Words: 205 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.53 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.304 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.963 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 167 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 136 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 108 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 69 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 38.273 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 19.643 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.727 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.39 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.39 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.091 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 157, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , there
...he same decline in Collegeville. However,there is no relationship between of them, for...
^^^^^^
Line 2, column 469, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'an' instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: an
... space of children’s book and construct a in-store coffee instead, which the book...
^
Line 3, column 334, Rule ID: MOST_SOME_OF_NNS[1]
Message: After 'most of', you should use 'the' ('most of the people') or simply say ''most people''.
Suggestion: most of the people; most people
...friendly demonstration because probably most of people are likely to immerse themselves in the...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 441, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...jor profit rather than the books selling , which is different from the Monarch Boo...
^^
Line 4, column 487, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Therefore,
...ch is different from the Monarch Books. Therefore the bookstore actually don’t need to co...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 570, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'an' instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: an
... to consider this decision to deal with a opponent who just exists in own imagina...
^
Line 5, column 109, Rule ID: DT_PRP[1]
Message: Possible typo. Did you mean 'the' or 'its'?
Suggestion: the; its
...alternative assumption, which undermine the its accuracy and reliability, the author sh...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, but, consequently, finally, first, firstly, however, if, second, secondly, so, still, therefore, for example
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 10.0 19.6327345309 51% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 12.9520958084 77% => OK
Conjunction : 18.0 11.1786427146 161% => OK
Relative clauses : 13.0 13.6137724551 95% => OK
Pronoun: 18.0 28.8173652695 62% => OK
Preposition: 54.0 55.5748502994 97% => OK
Nominalization: 15.0 16.3942115768 91% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2291.0 2260.96107784 101% => OK
No of words: 419.0 441.139720559 95% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.46778042959 5.12650576532 107% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.52432199235 4.56307096286 99% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.1210744051 2.78398813304 112% => OK
Unique words: 215.0 204.123752495 105% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.513126491647 0.468620217663 109% => OK
syllable_count: 707.4 705.55239521 100% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 5.0 8.76447105788 57% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 10.0 19.7664670659 51% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 41.0 22.8473053892 179% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 157.189089952 57.8364921388 272% => The lengths of sentences changed so frequently.
Chars per sentence: 229.1 119.503703932 192% => OK
Words per sentence: 41.9 23.324526521 180% => OK
Discourse Markers: 11.8 5.70786347227 207% => Less transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 7.0 5.25449101796 133% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 3.0 8.20758483034 37% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.31968423618 0.218282227539 146% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0962966033279 0.0743258471296 130% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.127799012121 0.0701772020484 182% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.162421307771 0.128457276422 126% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.134864691057 0.0628817314937 214% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 25.3 14.3799401198 176% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 21.4 48.3550499002 44% => Flesch_reading_ease is low.
smog_index: 13.0 7.1628742515 181% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 20.5 12.197005988 168% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 15.33 12.5979740519 122% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.85 8.32208582834 118% => OK
difficult_words: 111.0 98.500998004 113% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 15.0 12.3882235529 121% => OK
gunning_fog: 18.4 11.1389221557 165% => OK
text_standard: 15.0 11.9071856287 126% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 75.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.