The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The above paragraph was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe, it is stated that developers want to construct a jazz music club because the nearest club is 65 miles away. They also explain that people in Monroe city are a huge fan of jazz music, and they spend money on jazz entertainment imprudently, hence, construction of jazz music club would result in surplus profit. However, before this recommendation can be evaluated, three questions must be answered.
First of all, what was the ticket price of annual festival that led over 100,000 people to attend? It may be possible that ticket price of the annual festival was so less that, every class (lower, middle & upper) people were able to afford it. Further, there is a possibility that the weather during the festival was very much favourable, therefore, the festival went very smooth. If either of these scenarios has merit, then the conclusion drawn from the original argument is significantly weakened.
Secondly, what is the crime rate of Monroe city? It may be possible that the crimes committed in Monroe city are extremely less compared to other famous cities. Further, it is possible that the cost of living in Monroe city is less compared to other cities. The cost of day-to-day things required is less. If any of the above scenarios is true, then the conclusion drawn from the original argument doesn’t hold water.
Finally, how many people listen to radio in this modern era? It is possible that the people who listen to “Jazz Nighty” is significantly less. Further, it is also possible that there is only one radio station which is available that airs the “Jazz Nighty”. Moreover, the developers mention that “Jazz Nighty” is the highest-rated radio program. It is possible that the people who love jazz music have given it high ratings. Further, it is possible that some children who have given it high ratings is because of peer pressure. If any of the above mentioned circumstances if true, then the argument is holds it validity.
In conclusion, as it stands now, is considerably flawed due to its reliance on several unwarranted assumptions. If the author is able to answer the above three questions and provide more evidence (perhaps in the form of systematic research study), then it will be possible to fully evaluate the viability of the proposed recommendation to construct a new jazz music club.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 8 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 415 350
No. of Characters: 1971 1500
No. of Different Words: 198 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.513 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.749 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.653 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 133 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 92 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 70 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 38 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.762 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.783 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.714 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.309 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.543 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.128 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... argument is significantly weakened. Secondly, what is the crime rate of Monr...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...riginal argument doesn’t hold water. Finally, how many people listen to radio...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...n the argument is holds it validity. In conclusion, as it stands now, is cons...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, finally, first, hence, however, if, may, moreover, second, secondly, so, then, therefore, in conclusion, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 33.0 19.6327345309 168% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 6.0 12.9520958084 46% => OK
Conjunction : 2.0 11.1786427146 18% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 18.0 13.6137724551 132% => OK
Pronoun: 34.0 28.8173652695 118% => OK
Preposition: 49.0 55.5748502994 88% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 16.3942115768 73% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2054.0 2260.96107784 91% => OK
No of words: 414.0 441.139720559 94% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.961352657 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.51076378781 4.56307096286 99% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.76540644078 2.78398813304 99% => OK
Unique words: 203.0 204.123752495 99% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.490338164251 0.468620217663 105% => OK
syllable_count: 640.8 705.55239521 91% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 4.96107784431 181% => OK
Article: 4.0 8.76447105788 46% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 2.70958083832 221% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 19.7664670659 106% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 22.8473053892 83% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 54.2319700542 57.8364921388 94% => OK
Chars per sentence: 97.8095238095 119.503703932 82% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.7142857143 23.324526521 85% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.85714285714 5.70786347227 103% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 8.20758483034 122% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 6.88822355289 29% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 9.0 4.67664670659 192% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.313659449013 0.218282227539 144% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0788313782962 0.0743258471296 106% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.123268990665 0.0701772020484 176% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.170682073705 0.128457276422 133% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.189513079761 0.0628817314937 301% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.8 14.3799401198 82% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 60.65 48.3550499002 125% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.5 12.197005988 78% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.49 12.5979740519 91% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.55 8.32208582834 91% => OK
difficult_words: 78.0 98.500998004 79% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 14.5 12.3882235529 117% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.1389221557 86% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 11.9071856287 84% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.