The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
“A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The prompt argues that a jazz music club ready to open in Monore may be lucrative, supplementing its statement by multiple evidences and facts. However, to make the argument to be even more potent, few evidences have to be further presented to substantiate the claim.
Firstly, by attending jazz festival does not fully indicate that one would also like jazz clubs. In fact, the two has plenty differences, include opening time and duration, constituents of people, and other relevant activities in music club, or at jazz festival. The prompt should acknowledge these differences before giving examples to support its idea. It would be more persuasive to provide people in Monore attending clubs outside Monore, to facilitate the idea of jazz club in Monore as highly demanded.
In addition, it is far from evident to prove that jazz club can be profitable, by justifying the jazz radio program as highly rated in Monore. It is possible that, people who listen to the radio do not really appreciate, but see it as a least abhorrent program at that time. Also, given that the program airs at 7 on every weekend, the population that have time to listen to radio is surely the biggest, while many other programs during the weekday may be even more appealing, but lack the audience to rate it as better than the jazz program. The prompt should provide more details of the survey, such as the questionnaire content, to elucidate how the high score that the program received comes from.
Lastly, it is not sufficient by uttering a nationwide study to implicate the spendings of Monore. It is apparent that consuming habits and financial status vary in every cities, For example, megacities such as New York, Los Angeles may have higher annual spending on jazz than other rural towns, due to the income average and their savings. The prompt should present the amount of spending that only constitutes Monore residents, and furthermore provide the number of jazz fans, to make this research more persuasive.
The argument may look cogent at first glance, howbeit more evidences should be provided, including the attendance of jazz clubs of Monore residents, radio survey details, and residential annual consumption on jazz. After the evidences provided, then the argument can be seen as congruent and robust.
Comments
e-rater score report
also need to argue:
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. "
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 4 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 382 350
No. of Characters: 1868 1500
No. of Different Words: 194 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.421 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.89 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.555 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 141 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 94 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 66 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 43 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.467 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.415 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.867 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.349 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.606 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.089 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 236, Rule ID: THE_SUPERLATIVE[1]
Message: Use 'the' with the superlative.
Suggestion: the
...do not really appreciate, but see it as a least abhorrent program at that time. A...
^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, firstly, furthermore, however, if, lastly, look, may, really, so, then, while, for example, in addition, in fact, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 13.0 19.6327345309 66% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 12.0 12.9520958084 93% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 11.1786427146 98% => OK
Relative clauses : 11.0 13.6137724551 81% => OK
Pronoun: 22.0 28.8173652695 76% => OK
Preposition: 51.0 55.5748502994 92% => OK
Nominalization: 10.0 16.3942115768 61% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1933.0 2260.96107784 85% => OK
No of words: 382.0 441.139720559 87% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.06020942408 5.12650576532 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.42095241839 4.56307096286 97% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.65411591603 2.78398813304 95% => OK
Unique words: 207.0 204.123752495 101% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.541884816754 0.468620217663 116% => OK
syllable_count: 610.2 705.55239521 86% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 6.0 1.67365269461 358% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 9.0 4.22255489022 213% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 15.0 19.7664670659 76% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 25.0 22.8473053892 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 52.8644387929 57.8364921388 91% => OK
Chars per sentence: 128.866666667 119.503703932 108% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.4666666667 23.324526521 109% => OK
Discourse Markers: 9.26666666667 5.70786347227 162% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.178989943826 0.218282227539 82% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0676238181065 0.0743258471296 91% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0591843232252 0.0701772020484 84% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.111353533465 0.128457276422 87% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0473837241766 0.0628817314937 75% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.1 14.3799401198 105% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 46.1 48.3550499002 95% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.0 12.197005988 107% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.36 12.5979740519 98% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.01 8.32208582834 108% => OK
difficult_words: 100.0 98.500998004 102% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 11.1389221557 108% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 83.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 5.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.