The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
A group of developers have recognized a lucrative opportunity in opening a jazz club in the city of Monroe. However, the evidence they have provided to support their claim needs to be evaluated thoroughly before the application can be approved. To back their claim, they have provided 5 evidences: distance of the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away, jazz is popular in Monroe, 100,000 people attended annual festival last summer, 'Jazz Nightly' is the highest rated radio program, and that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1000 per year on jazz entertainment. But these evidences involve several unstated assumptions which need to be answered first before any decision can be made.
To begin with, the current profitability of the existing jazz club is not established. If the existing club is not making money, then this evidence should be reevaluated. And even if it does, the question of how popular it is with the people of Monroe should be answered. Is it popular enough that people will be willing to drive 65 miles even if another jazz club opens nearby? Because this club might bring in eminent jazz musicians from across the world and a new club might not be able to compete with them. Therefore, a thorough analysis of the existing club is required before one chooses to open a new club.
Secondly, it has been established that jazz is extremely popular but there is no survey to support this claim or that people would like go to jazz clubs regularly. If they are not interested in going to jazz clubs regularly, then the jazz club wont be as profitable as is believed. Moreover, the annual jazz festival happens only once a year and the people attended it might be there for more than jazz music as it is a festival. And even people who went there for the jazz music, might only attend the festival once a year and never visit any jazz clubs. So, a survey on people interested in going to jazz clubs would help validate this claim.
Finally, the highest rated radio program also does not imply that people will go to jazz clubs. Going to a club is a tiring and expensive affair. People might prefer to sit leisurely at the comfort of their home and listen to the music. As it's a weeknight program, it would be refreshing for them after coming home from work. Hence, this evidence also does not provide enough to support that a new jazz club is a good idea.
To conclude, the above questions and doubts needs to be reassured and backed up with proper research and support before arriving to the conclusion that opening a new jazz club is a lucrative opportunity. And only with the proper validation,
the application for the loan should be considered.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 470 350
No. of Characters: 2148 1500
No. of Different Words: 205 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.656 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.57 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.409 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 139 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 99 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 66 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 35 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.364 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.962 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.591 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.34 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.34 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.136 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 4, column 240, Rule ID: IT_IS[17]
Message: Did you mean 'it's' (='it is') instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
Suggestion: it's; it is
... their home and listen to the music. As its a weeknight program, it would be refres...
^^^
Line 5, column 240, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ty. And only with the proper validation, the application for the loan should be c...
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, hence, however, if, moreover, second, secondly, so, then, therefore, to begin with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 30.0 19.6327345309 153% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 16.0 12.9520958084 124% => OK
Conjunction : 15.0 11.1786427146 134% => OK
Relative clauses : 9.0 13.6137724551 66% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 29.0 28.8173652695 101% => OK
Preposition: 54.0 55.5748502994 97% => OK
Nominalization: 9.0 16.3942115768 55% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2199.0 2260.96107784 97% => OK
No of words: 470.0 441.139720559 107% => OK
Chars per words: 4.67872340426 5.12650576532 91% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.65612321451 4.56307096286 102% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.50864417741 2.78398813304 90% => OK
Unique words: 213.0 204.123752495 104% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.453191489362 0.468620217663 97% => OK
syllable_count: 690.3 705.55239521 98% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 5.0 1.67365269461 299% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 19.7664670659 111% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 52.9343309057 57.8364921388 92% => OK
Chars per sentence: 99.9545454545 119.503703932 84% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.3636363636 23.324526521 92% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.95454545455 5.70786347227 87% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 8.20758483034 158% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 6.88822355289 15% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 8.0 4.67664670659 171% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.359509679765 0.218282227539 165% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.122217172076 0.0743258471296 164% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0608128154138 0.0701772020484 87% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.189483392193 0.128457276422 148% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0653554825788 0.0628817314937 104% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.3 14.3799401198 79% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 58.62 48.3550499002 121% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 12.197005988 84% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 9.86 12.5979740519 78% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.7 8.32208582834 93% => OK
difficult_words: 90.0 98.500998004 91% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.5 12.3882235529 117% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 11.9071856287 84% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.