An international development organization, in response to a vitamin A deficiency among people in the impoverished nation of Tagus, has engineered a new breed of millet high in vitamin A. While seeds for this new type of millet cost more, farmers will be paid subsidies for farming the new variety of millet. Since millet is already a staple food in Tagus, people will readily adopt the new variety. To combat vitamin A deficiency, the government of Tagus should do everything it can to promote this new type of millet.
The international development organization posits that a new variety of millet will mitigate the vitamin A deficiency problem in the nation of Tagus. Although, the author provides the notion that millet is the staple food of the people in the Tagus, leading to its high consumption; nonetheless, we are not provided with enough data or evidence to bolster the claim that this action will successfully tackle the issue of vitamin A deficiency among the people of Tagus.
First of all, the passage does not cite any data pertaining to the amount of vitamin A contained in the newly engineered variety. Neither are we presented with any quantifiable measure of deficiency of vitamin A among the people. The question that naturally leads the way is, will the amount of vitamin A contained in this new variety suffice to overcome this deficiency. It could be the case that even after consuming this new breed of millet the people of Tagus are in the shortage of vitamin A, due to the inadequate amount of vitamin A contained in those millets. Thus, without evaluating the aforementioned data points it would not be prudent to come to the conclusion that the new breed millet will solve the issue of vitamin A deficiency.
Secondly, we are deprived of any data points regarding the cost of cultivating this new variety. Although the passage points out that it would cost more and subsidies will be available to the farmers, this alone does not elucidate the whole picture. For instance, the farmers might be unwilling to cultivate this new breed of millet instead of more profitable crops. Moreover, we do not know what these subsides will entail. It could be the case that the subsides barely meet the required costs for farming this new variety. Without the aforementioned data points presented, the assumption that the farmers will be benefited from the subsidies and be willing to cultivate this new millet, is unwarranted.
Furthermore, the passage mentions that millet is a stable food in Tagus resulting in the wide adaption of this new vareity. Nevertheless, we are not presented with any study or data regarding the process of adaption of this millet. For example, how will the farmers replace their existing millet cultivation with the new variety and how long will it take? Most importantly, we do not know whether it would be even feasible to replace the old millet with this new variety. Moreover, the passage does not provide any supporting data to validate that this new variety will consistent with the ones the people of Tagus consider their staple.
Lastly, in order to combat vitamin A deficiency the international development organization points out that the government should do everything to promote this new variety of millet. However, the passage does not cite any supporting data to validate the assumption that this new variety of millet will alone solve this issue. For example, the people of Tagus might be lacking other minerals or vitamins which are necessary for the human body to absorb vitamin A. Chemicals in the body do not work in a silo, rather they work in a collective fashion. Thus, without considering those other chemicals, minerals or vitamins which are essential to the sound development of health, the assumption made by the organization is largely unfounded.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 550 350
No. of Characters: 2697 1500
No. of Different Words: 202 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.843 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.904 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.693 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 196 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 152 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 95 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 66 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.2 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.636 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.366 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.366 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.179 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 524, Rule ID: IN_A_X_MANNER[1]
Message: Consider replacing "in a collective fashion" with adverb for "collective"; eg, "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
...do not work in a silo, rather they work in a collective fashion. Thus, without considering those other ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
first, furthermore, however, if, lastly, moreover, nevertheless, nonetheless, regarding, second, secondly, so, thus, for example, for instance, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 21.0 19.6327345309 107% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 19.0 12.9520958084 147% => OK
Conjunction : 7.0 11.1786427146 63% => OK
Relative clauses : 15.0 13.6137724551 110% => OK
Pronoun: 48.0 28.8173652695 167% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 75.0 55.5748502994 135% => OK
Nominalization: 17.0 16.3942115768 104% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2753.0 2260.96107784 122% => OK
No of words: 550.0 441.139720559 125% => OK
Chars per words: 5.00545454545 5.12650576532 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.84273464058 4.56307096286 106% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.77225033156 2.78398813304 100% => OK
Unique words: 211.0 204.123752495 103% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.383636363636 0.468620217663 82% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 890.1 705.55239521 126% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 8.0 4.96107784431 161% => OK
Article: 11.0 8.76447105788 126% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 19.7664670659 116% => OK
Sentence length: 23.0 22.8473053892 101% => OK
Sentence length SD: 51.2175389383 57.8364921388 89% => OK
Chars per sentence: 119.695652174 119.503703932 100% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.9130434783 23.324526521 103% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.78260869565 5.70786347227 119% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.489768627601 0.218282227539 224% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.164110356461 0.0743258471296 221% => Sentence topic similarity is high.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0913052284591 0.0701772020484 130% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.311686721986 0.128457276422 243% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0446029541062 0.0628817314937 71% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.1 14.3799401198 98% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 48.13 48.3550499002 100% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.3 12.197005988 101% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.07 12.5979740519 96% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.08 8.32208582834 97% => OK
difficult_words: 115.0 98.500998004 117% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 19.5 12.3882235529 157% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 11.1389221557 101% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.