In this argument, the author claims that a jazz music club in Monroe would be a profitable business because of three reasons: there is a lack of competitors, jazz is popular in Monroe, and jazz fans is willing to spend a good amount of money on jazz. The argument sounds convincible at first glance, however, it is based on a series of unwarranted assumptions and thus fails to be wholly persuasive as it stands.
First of all, the author fails to consider that although currently the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away, it might not be the case after they have open the C Note club. It takes time to renovate a store, recruit the employees and the musicians, get everything ready and to finally be able to open a club. And in fact, by the time that they are ready, it could be the case that several other competitors have already opened jazz clubs nearby and therefore the author will lose the geographic merits he claims to have.
Another paramount problem of the argument is that the author assumes that in Monroe, the jazz clubs are as popular as the jazz festivals and the radio program “Jazz Nightly”. Although it is indicated in the passage that a lot of people attended the jazz festival last summer, it might not stay popular in the coming years and on the other hand, it is possible that people went for some other elements of the festival instead of the jazz music, such as the food or the entertainment facilities. Moreover, we do not know how many people listen to “Jazz Nightly”, hence although it is the highest-rated program, it might not be the most popular one. Therefore, many alternative possibilities could be resulted unless the author can provide sufficient amount of evidence to substantiate his claims.
Additionally, the study the author presents at the end of the passage is questionable. First of all, it is a nationwide study and thus might not be applicable to Monroe; and secondly, we do not know how many people participated in this study and if the sample is representative, and lastly, if the participants actually spend money in jazz club or other forms of jazz entertainment.
Finally, even if the study is valid and all of the assumptions the author made above prove to be true, the arguer fails to consider the cost of investing a club and thus it might not be as profitable as the author predicts.
To sum up, there are, as I have presented, many obvious flaws that need to be addressed before the proposal can be seriously scrutinized. To strengthen the argument the author must prove that there will be no potential competitors, that Jazz club is very popular in Monroe and the jazz fans will spend a lot of money in the club.
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 474 350
No. of Characters: 2139 1500
No. of Different Words: 201 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.666 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.513 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.603 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 132 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 93 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 66 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 42 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 33.857 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.135 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.714 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.39 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.39 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.135 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 41, Rule ID: ALL_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'all the'.
Suggestion: all the
...Finally, even if the study is valid and all of the assumptions the author made above prove...
^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, finally, first, hence, however, if, lastly, moreover, second, secondly, so, then, therefore, thus, in fact, such as, first of all, to sum up, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 30.0 19.6327345309 153% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 12.9520958084 116% => OK
Conjunction : 17.0 11.1786427146 152% => OK
Relative clauses : 11.0 13.6137724551 81% => OK
Pronoun: 32.0 28.8173652695 111% => OK
Preposition: 52.0 55.5748502994 94% => OK
Nominalization: 7.0 16.3942115768 43% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2221.0 2260.96107784 98% => OK
No of words: 474.0 441.139720559 107% => OK
Chars per words: 4.68565400844 5.12650576532 91% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.66599839874 4.56307096286 102% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.77964054759 2.78398813304 100% => OK
Unique words: 209.0 204.123752495 102% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.440928270042 0.468620217663 94% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 695.7 705.55239521 99% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 11.0 4.96107784431 222% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 6.0 8.76447105788 68% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 4.0 1.67365269461 239% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 14.0 19.7664670659 71% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 33.0 22.8473053892 144% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 61.6065942005 57.8364921388 107% => OK
Chars per sentence: 158.642857143 119.503703932 133% => OK
Words per sentence: 33.8571428571 23.324526521 145% => OK
Discourse Markers: 12.0714285714 5.70786347227 211% => Less transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.67664670659 21% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.432277070639 0.218282227539 198% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.1620221452 0.0743258471296 218% => Sentence topic similarity is high.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.125963652047 0.0701772020484 179% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.236963355394 0.128457276422 184% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0719066401931 0.0628817314937 114% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 17.6 14.3799401198 122% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 46.44 48.3550499002 96% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 15.0 12.197005988 123% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.51 12.5979740519 83% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.17 8.32208582834 98% => OK
difficult_words: 87.0 98.500998004 88% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 18.0 12.3882235529 145% => OK
gunning_fog: 15.2 11.1389221557 136% => OK
text_standard: 18.0 11.9071856287 151% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.