A nationwide survey reveals that the two most-desired home features are a large family
room and a large, well-appointed kitchen. A number of homes in our area built by our
competitor Domus Construction have such features and have sold much faster and at
significantly higher prices than the national average. To boost sales and profits, we should
increase the size of the family rooms and kitchens in all the homes we build and should
make state-of-the-art kitchens a standard feature. Moreover, our larger family rooms and
kitchens can come at the expense of the dining room, since many of our recent buyers say
they do not need a separate dining room for family meals.
The author suggests to increase the size of the family room and the kitchen in order to increase the sales and profit. To support her suggestion, she has provided two evidences: First, a number of homes in her area have features like a large family room and a kitchen; Second, many of their recent buyers have suggested that they do not need a separate dining room for family meals, and the money saved from avoiding making a dining room can be used to compensate the increased cost of a large family room and a large kitchen. While both of these evidence seem to bolster the suggestion at first glance, a closer inspection reveals that these evidences as such are subject to doubt, and therefore, insufficient to support such a major suggestion.
First, while it is clear from the nationwide study that people, in general, desire a large family room and a large kitchen, it is not clear from the cited example that the doing so actually resulted in the more profit. The sales may have accelereted, but it is not obvious if the profits have increased too. It is equally likely that the expenditures to make such ammendments were far more than the increased selling price. Thus, the knowledge of the actual profit made must be availbale to base the suggetion using this example.
Further, even if one assumes that the profit has indeed increased, we do not know if this is entirely because of the large family room and the large kitchen. The passage does not clarify if these were the only changes made. For example, Domus construction may have provided some other attention-seeker facillities such as a garden pool or a sophisticated balcony, that may have a substantial effect on the house's popularity and consequently on the increased sale. Hence, it is of primary importance to know if the observed effects, at best, could wholly be attributed to these changes alone.
Second, while some recent buyers are okay with not having a separate room for dining, it is not true that it will be the case for other buyers as well. The individual preference, in general, could vary a lot, and the passage does not clarify on this subject at all. Hence, it is of utmost important to determine the views of potential buyers in general to decide if the omission of a separate room for dining room could be avoided. Moreover, even if one assumes that this is the case, the passage does not give any quantitative information on whether the saving made from avoidig a dining room can actually compensate for the proposed changes.
In summary, one could see that the presented evidences are insufficient to justify such an important decision. I have pointed at various places what one must know to be fully sure that the proposed suggestion will result in the increased sale and the increased profit in the reality.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 486 350
No. of Characters: 2264 1500
No. of Different Words: 212 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.695 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.658 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.55 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 155 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 112 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 67 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 46 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 28.588 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 13.874 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.824 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.327 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.567 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.076 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 269, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... like a large family room and a kitchen; Second, many of their recent buyers have...
^^
Line 1, column 507, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...he increased cost of a large family room and a large kitchen. While both of these...
^^
Line 9, column 407, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'houses'' or 'house's'?
Suggestion: houses'; house's
...at may have a substantial effect on the houses popularity and consequently on the incr...
^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, but, consequently, first, hence, if, may, moreover, second, so, therefore, thus, well, while, for example, in general, in summary, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 20.0 19.6327345309 102% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 14.0 12.9520958084 108% => OK
Conjunction : 13.0 11.1786427146 116% => OK
Relative clauses : 11.0 13.6137724551 81% => OK
Pronoun: 34.0 28.8173652695 118% => OK
Preposition: 49.0 55.5748502994 88% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 16.3942115768 73% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2338.0 2260.96107784 103% => OK
No of words: 486.0 441.139720559 110% => OK
Chars per words: 4.81069958848 5.12650576532 94% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.69525374022 4.56307096286 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.63009730058 2.78398813304 94% => OK
Unique words: 222.0 204.123752495 109% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.456790123457 0.468620217663 97% => OK
syllable_count: 759.6 705.55239521 108% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 4.96107784431 181% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 4.0 1.67365269461 239% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 19.7664670659 86% => OK
Sentence length: 28.0 22.8473053892 123% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 78.4188911637 57.8364921388 136% => OK
Chars per sentence: 137.529411765 119.503703932 115% => OK
Words per sentence: 28.5882352941 23.324526521 123% => OK
Discourse Markers: 8.70588235294 5.70786347227 153% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 8.20758483034 158% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 6.88822355289 15% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.156308374531 0.218282227539 72% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0455277190194 0.0743258471296 61% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0509119927874 0.0701772020484 73% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0880998184474 0.128457276422 69% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0494593452178 0.0628817314937 79% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.5 14.3799401198 108% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 43.06 48.3550499002 89% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 14.2 12.197005988 116% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.21 12.5979740519 89% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.53 8.32208582834 102% => OK
difficult_words: 108.0 98.500998004 110% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 17.0 12.3882235529 137% => OK
gunning_fog: 13.2 11.1389221557 119% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.