"At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumes and interviewing skills."
The writer of these analytical piece recommends that in order to help Mira Vista College's students to find employment, the college must offer more course in business and computer technology and also hire additional job counselors. To support these recommendation author points out that Green Mountain College offers more business courses and more job counselors than Mira Vista College and last year 90 percent of the seniors have obtained job from prospective employers, on the other hand, only 70 percent of seniors from Mira Vista College has obtained jobs within three months of the graduation. And only half of them has obtained a job in their major field of study. This argument contains many loop-holes which weaken the argument.
Firstly, the author assumes that Green Mountain College has comparatively higher job rate because it provides more business courses and more job counselors. This unsubstantiated assumption leaves a lot of space for doubt. It may be possible that the students studying at Green Mountain College are exceptionally brilliant compared with Mira Vista College. Also, the author has ignored all the other factors that affect the job rate. Moreover, the author has not provided the number of students studying in each college. So without the number of students, we can not compare the placement rates of both the colleges. So, without including all these factors, the author cannot conclude that additional courses in business and computer technology and the hiring of additional job counselors will provide better job-placement opportunities.
Secondly, the author points out that only half of the graduates, who have been placed and from Mira Vista College, have got the job in their respective field of study. But the author has not provided any information about this for its counterpart. It might be possible that only a part of the graduates from Green Mountain College has got the job in their respective field of study. So without providing perfect statistical data, the author can not directly jump to the conclusion which he/she has drawn.
Thirdly, the author has argued that only 70 percent of graduates from Mira Vista College has reported to the job placement office within three months after graduation. The author overlooks the possibility that some of the remaining students have started their own business or also some seniors are wanted to study further. So without statistical data about these informations, the author cannot give the conclusion directly.
Finally, it may be said that the author has failed to make a convincing argument because of the complete absence of statistical data. No convincing reasoning is given. The argument ends with a completely unjustified optimistic conclusion based on wishy-washy observations that are likely to be incorrect.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 448 350
No. of Characters: 2325 1500
No. of Different Words: 197 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.601 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.19 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.709 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 173 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 136 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 96 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 56 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.333 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.328 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.714 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.349 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.533 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.116 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 243, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'this recommendation' or 'these recommendations'?
Suggestion: this recommendation; these recommendations
...e additional job counselors. To support these recommendation author points out that Green Mountain C...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 10, column 211, Rule ID: SOME_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'some'.
Suggestion: some
...e author overlooks the possibility that some of the remaining students have started their o...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, firstly, if, look, may, moreover, second, secondly, so, third, thirdly, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 9.0 19.6327345309 46% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 9.0 12.9520958084 69% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 11.1786427146 98% => OK
Relative clauses : 15.0 13.6137724551 110% => OK
Pronoun: 32.0 28.8173652695 111% => OK
Preposition: 55.0 55.5748502994 99% => OK
Nominalization: 14.0 16.3942115768 85% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2390.0 2260.96107784 106% => OK
No of words: 447.0 441.139720559 101% => OK
Chars per words: 5.34675615213 5.12650576532 104% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.59808378696 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.78012972914 2.78398813304 100% => OK
Unique words: 203.0 204.123752495 99% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.454138702461 0.468620217663 97% => OK
syllable_count: 734.4 705.55239521 104% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 12.0 8.76447105788 137% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 19.7664670659 106% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 72.1241685679 57.8364921388 125% => OK
Chars per sentence: 113.80952381 119.503703932 95% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.2857142857 23.324526521 91% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.52380952381 5.70786347227 97% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 6.88822355289 116% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.67664670659 107% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.376884989848 0.218282227539 173% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0957689555786 0.0743258471296 129% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.126345497605 0.0701772020484 180% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.192964675835 0.128457276422 150% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.150569645596 0.0628817314937 239% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.4 14.3799401198 100% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 50.16 48.3550499002 104% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 12.197005988 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.75 12.5979740519 109% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.32 8.32208582834 100% => OK
difficult_words: 103.0 98.500998004 105% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 18.0 12.3882235529 145% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.