A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight
than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop
breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The
interruption of breathing wakes the person---often so briefly that the waking goes
unnoticed---and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores,
therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more
The author of the argument precipitated a conclusion that a person who snores should be eating less than an average person and also exercise more. The reason behind this hasty conclusion seems to be a study that states people who snore are susceptible to weight gain than who don't. The author further cites some reasons to strengthen the argument but which seems to be based on unwarranted observations. The author should consider including the evidences to the unwarranted assumptions and stated below to make a cogent case.
What is the credibility of the study? Perhaps, the study was conducted on a small group of subjects. Since there is no mention of the source of the study, it is possible that the study conducted was not peer reviewed or was done by some instituition that has specious credibility. The lack of any test or experimental details and statistics it will be ludicrous to base any argument on the study. The author should consider investigating the source of the study and other experimental details like the number of test subjects, the considered age groups for test subjects and etc.
By stating "many people" the author fails to quantify the number of people who have snoring issues suffer from sleep apnea. Since "many" is a relative term it can be overwhelming for the author about the number of such cases that he/she might have an idea of but the actual number of cases in average might be significantly lower and less alarming than it seems here in this argument. The author must ensure some statistical evidence to justify and quantify the number of people who snore also suffer from sleep apnea.
Similarly the author fails to quantify the relation between the weight gain and snoring issues found in the test subjects that finally leads him to the conclusion of the argument. It is possible that the gain in weight for the people who snore is relatively negligible or tractable. Perhaps, a regular day's walking in enough to keep the weight gain in check. It might be the complete immoderate extreme of the case as well. But none of the possibilities can be justified if there are no definite relations provided that the quantify the relation in the first place. The author must refer to the study to provide a relation between the two phenomenons and based on which one can assess how manageable the weight gain will be.
Is there any hazard or medical expertise behind the suggestion or conclusion the author draws from his arguments. Perhaps, there might be some detrimental effects of eating less on the person who snores and who suffers from sleep apnea. It might be possible that the listlessness of the person needs proper diet to be mitigated rather than eating less. Thus, the author must refrain from medical suggestions unless, there is a medical certification underpinning the claim.
In conclusion, the above argument seems to be weak based on the above reasons specified. The author must look into the sources and medical details of the study to be incorporated in his argument which would help in strengthening it. Finally if the author considers the reasonings stated above and is able to provide necessary clarifications to certify his assumptions, it will make the argument cogent and credible.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 551 350
No. of Characters: 2653 1500
No. of Different Words: 219 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.845 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.815 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.663 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 186 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 123 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 89 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 55 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.957 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.055 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.478 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.326 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.326 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.119 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 273, Rule ID: IN_WHO[1]
Message: Did you mean 'whom'?
Suggestion: whom
...ore are susceptible to weight gain than who dont. The author further cites some rea...
^^^
Line 1, column 277, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: don't
...are susceptible to weight gain than who dont. The author further cites some reasons ...
^^^^
Line 1, column 283, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...sceptible to weight gain than who dont. The author further cites some reasons to st...
^^^
Line 1, column 405, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...o be based on unwarranted observations. The author should consider including the ev...
^^^
Line 2, column 571, Rule ID: AND_ETC[1]
Message: Use simply 'etc.'.
Suggestion: etc.
...considered age groups for test subjects and etc. By stating 'many people' the...
^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 1, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Similarly,
...ho snore also suffer from sleep apnea. Similarly the author fails to quantify the relati...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 520, Rule ID: A_INFINITVE[1]
Message: Probably a wrong construction: a/the + infinitive
...are no definite relations provided that the quantify the relation in the first place. The au...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 6, column 233, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Finally,
...t which would help in strengthening it. Finally if the author considers the reasonings ...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, if, look, similarly, so, then, thus, well, in conclusion, in the first place
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 28.0 19.6327345309 143% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 19.0 12.9520958084 147% => OK
Conjunction : 21.0 11.1786427146 188% => OK
Relative clauses : 20.0 13.6137724551 147% => OK
Pronoun: 26.0 28.8173652695 90% => OK
Preposition: 74.0 55.5748502994 133% => OK
Nominalization: 16.0 16.3942115768 98% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2722.0 2260.96107784 120% => OK
No of words: 549.0 441.139720559 124% => OK
Chars per words: 4.95810564663 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.84053189512 4.56307096286 106% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.76945631638 2.78398813304 99% => OK
Unique words: 225.0 204.123752495 110% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.409836065574 0.468620217663 87% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 856.8 705.55239521 121% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 15.0 8.76447105788 171% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 25.0 19.7664670659 126% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 47.0963947665 57.8364921388 81% => OK
Chars per sentence: 108.88 119.503703932 91% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.96 23.324526521 94% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.12 5.70786347227 72% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 8.0 5.25449101796 152% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 12.0 6.88822355289 174% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.67664670659 107% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.218731940488 0.218282227539 100% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0767813214693 0.0743258471296 103% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.107160134598 0.0701772020484 153% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.121656483447 0.128457276422 95% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0804346110354 0.0628817314937 128% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.9 14.3799401198 90% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 50.16 48.3550499002 104% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 12.197005988 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.49 12.5979740519 91% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.81 8.32208582834 94% => OK
difficult_words: 109.0 98.500998004 111% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.5 12.3882235529 69% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.